Why You Don’t Have to Write about Trauma in Your College Essay to Stand Out—and What You Can Do Instead

 
 

Many students I’ve met over the years seem to think they need to write about traumatic experiences in order to write a “good” personal statement. 

I want to clarify why that’s not really true.

To understand why, here’s some important context: The purpose of a personal statement is to demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, identities, insights, and interests you’ll bring to a college community.

So why do so many students feel that writing about traumatic experiences is the best way to do this?

My guess is it’s some combination of the following: 

  1. Someone told them at some point, “Colleges like it when you write about hardships,” or

  2. The student read a personal statement that featured an extreme challenge (often related to a traumatic experience) and thought, “I should try to do that,” or 

  3. Maybe the fact that Pretty Much Every Movie is about someone overcoming something incredibly difficult?

Who knows. 

But the main point of this guide is to tell you: 

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES TO WRITE A GREAT PERSONAL STATEMENT. 

Many students get into great colleges and universities each year by writing on personal topics ranging from a life-changing trip they took to their childhood dream of flying or even poop, animals, and the environment (yes, these are real). 

In this guide, I’ll walk you through four essays that do NOT feature traumatic experiences… yet still helped the authors get into great universities. 

Along the way, I’ll share exercises you can use to brainstorm great personal statement topics that’ll help you demonstrate a range of skills, qualities, values, identities, and interests you’ll bring to a college community.

Two important notes: 

  1. In addition to the option of not writing about challenges at all (again, you don’t have to in order to write a great essay), you also have the option of including challenges you’ve faced, if you like, but not making them the sole focus of your essay (using montage structure, which we’ll see in some example essays below). If you have faced challenges that have shaped you in important ways, but are concerned about being defined or boxed in by that single challenge, you’ll see in the examples how to weave in these experiences by mentioning them briefly, so you save room in your essay for sharing other sides of yourself. 

  2. At the risk of stating the obvious, clearly there are plenty of challenging experiences that people wouldn’t describe as traumatic, like the very common essay example of, say, the time the robot’s arm didn’t work in your robotics competition, and so you… did things to make it work and overcome the challenge.

Personal Statement Example #1: The “Identities” Approach

For this essay, written by a Black student, the author chose to focus on a variety of identities—athlete, reader/writer, and admirer of East Asian art and philosophy—to share sides of themselves that may not be otherwise obvious from the rest of their application. 

You’ll notice that the author mentions challenges, but doesn’t feature them. In other words: the challenges aren’t the main thing the author focuses on. More on this in the analysis section below.

Growing up, my world was basketball. My summers were spent between the two solid black lines. My skin was consistently tan in splotches and ridden with random scratches. My wardrobe consisted mainly of track shorts, Nike shoes, and tournament t-shirts. Gatorade and Fun Dip were my pre-game snacks. The cacophony of rowdy crowds, ref whistles, squeaky shoes, and scoreboard buzzers was a familiar sound. I was the team captain of almost every team I played on—familiar with the Xs and Os of plays, commander of the court, and the coach’s right hand girl.

But that was only me on the surface.

Deep down I was an East-Asian influenced bibliophile and a Young Adult fiction writer.

Hidden in the cracks of a blossoming collegiate level athlete was a literary fiend. I devoured books in the daylight. I crafted stories at night time. After games, after practice, after conditioning I found nooks of solitude. Within these moments, I became engulfed in a world of my own creation. Initially, I only read young adult literature, but I grew to enjoy literary fiction and self-help: Kafka, Dostoevsky, Branden, Csikszentmihalyi. I expanded my bubble to Google+ critique groups, online discussion groups, blogs, writing competitions and clubs. I wrote my first novel in fifth grade, my second in seventh grade, and started my third in ninth grade. Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.

I stumbled upon the movies of Hayao Miyazaki at a young age. I related a lot to the underlying East Asian philosophy present in his movies. My own perspective on life, growth, and change was echoed in his storytelling. So, I read his autobiographies, watched anime, and researched ancient texts—Analects, The Way, Art of War. Then, I discovered the books of Haruki Murakami whom I now emulate in order to improve my writing.

Like two sides of a coin, I lived in two worlds. One world was outward—aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal—tempestuous, serene, nuanced.

Internal and external conflict ensued. Many times I was seen only as an athlete and judged by the stereotypes that come with it: self-centered, unintelligent, listens to rap. But off the court, I was more reflective, empathetic and I listened to music like Florence and the Machine. I was even sometimes bullied for not acting “black enough.” My teammates felt that my singular focus should be basketball and found it strange that I participated in so many extracurriculars.

But why should I be one-dimensional? I had always been motivated to reach the pinnacle of my potential in whatever I was interested in. Why should I be defined by only one aspect of my life? I felt like I had to pick one world.

Then I had an ACL injury. And then another. And then another.

After the first ACL surgery, my family and I made the decision to homeschool. I knew I wanted to explore my many interests—literature, novel writing, East Asian culture, and basketball—equally. So I did. I found time to analyze Heart of Darkness and used my blog to instruct adult authors how to become self-published authors. I researched Shintoism, read dozens of books on writing and self-improvement. My sister and I had been talking for a while about starting a nonprofit focused on social awareness, education, and community outreach. Finally, we had the time to do it.

While basketball has equipped me with leadership skills and life experiences, it is only one part of who I am. As a socially aware, intellectual, and introspective individual, I value creative expression and independence. My life’s mission is to reach my full potential in order to help others reach their own. 

— — —

Context for What Works Well in This Essay

According to the latest State of College Admission report released in 2023 by the National Association of College Admission Counselors, one of the major things colleges are interested in (after your grades) are “positive character attributes”:

What are these “positive character attributes”?

Harvard released a separate report, as part of its Making Caring Common project, identifying some of those qualities in a PDF called Definitions of Key Character/NonCognitive Terms and Skills for Use in Admission. Given these definitions, here is, I believe, the answer to…

why IS this essay successful?

  1. The author shows a ton of these specific values and qualities that she’ll bring to a college campus. Some of these values and qualities include: 

    • Leadership→ “I was the team captain of almost every team I played on … commander of the court, and the coach’s right hand girl”

    • Curiosity, creativity, intellectual vitality, personal development, ambition→ “I devoured books in the daylight. I crafted stories at night time… I grew to enjoy literary fiction and self-help: Kafka, Dostoevsky, Branden, Csikszentmihalyi. I expanded my bubble to Google+ critique groups, online discussion groups, blogs, writing competitions and clubs. I wrote my first novel in fifth grade, my second in seventh grade, and started my third in ninth grade. Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.”

    • Critical thinking / complexity→ “...I lived in two worlds. One world was outward—aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal—tempestuous, serene, nuanced.”

    • Resilience→ “I was even sometimes bullied for not acting ‘black enough.’ and “Then I had an ACL injury…”

    • Commitment to service and helping others → “My sister and I had been talking for a while about starting a nonprofit focused on social awareness, education, and community outreach. Finally, we had the time to do it.”

    This is especially important in light of the SCOTUS decision to ban race-conscious admissions. Why? If you choose to mention your race, it’s essential (from an admissions officer’s perspective) to connect it to your character or unique qualities you’ll contribute to a college campus. For more on this, check out Is it “Okay” to Talk about Race in Your College Application and Essays—And if So, How Should You Do it? 

  2. The author weaves in three other important elements of an outstanding personal statement. Her personal statement not only highlights some of her core values, but also shows:

    • Insights/Reflection: This essay has so many insights, beginning with the opening paragraphs, which basically say “Many people think of me as X… but actually I’m Y.” 

    • Vulnerability: The author shares about experiences that probably feel a little vulnerable to share, like dealing with a sense of straddling different worlds, bullying, and injuries. And the author uses them as opportunities to share with the reader how these experiences helped shape her character and develop qualities she would (and did) bring to college. 

    • Craft: So many moments are well-crafted, including some of my favorite lines: “Deep down I was an East-Asian influenced bibliophile and a Young Adult fiction writer.” and “Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.” and “One world was outward—aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal—tempestuous, serene, nuanced.” I also love the confidence to use sentence fragments like “So I did” or even “And another. And another…”

  3. The author weaves in challenges, but only briefly—making it a “chapter” in her essay, instead of “the whole book.” Notice that, even though this student did face challenges, she mentions them briefly so that the challenges don’t dominate the essay.

    Why this approach works: This allows the author to spend her word budget describing many more sides of herself and the skills, qualities, values, and interests she’ll bring to a college campus. 

    We sometimes call this making your challenge a chapter in your essay… as opposed to the whole book.

    The other value of this is you don’t totally leave that part of your story out—for some students, including zero mention of struggles overcome might feel weird—so you can still honor those experiences. You just don’t define yourself by the single story. Check out Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk, “The Danger of a Single Story” for more on this.

FAQ: Should you never write about challenges in your personal statement? No, it’s totally fine to write about challenges if you want to, and if they feel like an important part of who you are. And it’s totally fine not to. (And yes, I know I sound repetitive here, but this is the crux of the entire post.)

You can write about challenges, and if you want to explore how you can do so and see an example essay, check out our free guide to the personal statement. But the point of this blog is to give you alternate options and push against the common cultural narrative that you must or even should write about challenges.

How to Use An “Identities” Approach to Brainstorm Your Own Personal Statement

Complete the “If You Really, Really Knew Me…” exercise. 

  1. Pay special attention to #3 — the Social Identities exercise and spend at least 10-15 minutes listing as many identities as you can think of.

  2. Choose 4-7 of your identities that you believe would show different sides of you. (Tip: Aim for variety here.) 

    Examples from essay above: 

    • Athlete

    • East-Asian influenced bibliophile

    • Young Adult Fiction writer

    • Nonprofit starter

  3. Make a list of values that each identity could help you show.
    Examples from essay above: 

    • Athlete→ leadership 

    • East-Asian influenced bibliophile→ Curiosity, intellectual vitality, personal development

    • Young Adult Fiction writer→ creativity, ambition

    • Nonprofit starter→ commitment to service and helping others

  4. Brainstorm 1-3 specific details or examples to help show each value.
    Details or examples that support the “identities” named in essay above: 

    • Athlete → “Growing up, my world was basketball”

    • East-Asian influenced bibliophile → “I stumbled upon the movies of Hayao Miyazaki at a young age. I related a lot to the underlying East Asian philosophy present in his movies. My own perspective on life, growth, and change was echoed in his storytelling. So, I read his autobiographies, watched anime, and researched ancient texts—Analects, The Way, Art of War…”

    • Young Adult Fiction writer → “ I wrote my first novel in fifth grade, my second in seventh grade, and started my third in ninth grade.”

    • Someone who helps others reach their potential → “My sister and I had been talking for a while about starting a nonprofit focused on social awareness, education, and community outreach. Finally, we had the time to do it.”

  5. Write a paragraph on each identity. Consider starting with a simple structure that goes something like this: 

    • On the surface, people see me [in this way].

      • Transition: But actually, I love [this other thing, or these other things].

    • Share a paragraph expanding on each of those identities, sharing details on those other things. 

    • Consider sharing what people’s responses to you have been.

    • Reflect on what these identities have taught you, what skills you’ve developed, or values you’ve gained through them.

While there are many other ways you can play with structure, this should get you started, and you can explore alternatives as you revise (and revise, and revise… ).

Here’s another great example essay that illustrates an approach you can take on your college essay.

Personal Statement Example #2: The “Superpower/Skill” Approach

For this essay, the author chose something that he was good at (music—in particular, beatboxing) and used it to describe a range of skills, qualities, values, and interests. Take a look, then I’ll analyze it: 

Example:

I am an instrument.

My being reduced to sonic waves, my face contorts repeatedly, straining to squeeze out rapid vocal oscillations. Obscure sounds sputter through my throat as combinations of inward snare and hi-hat. After years of training in Indian classical music, beatboxing felt foreign.

My first memories of Indian classical music come from family road trips. During summer trips to Yosemite, I spent hours absorbed in the unique sounds of ragas from Indian classical music. We greeted the sunrise with surya-namaskar, 108 repetitions of the same verse honoring the Sun God. I began to appreciate the beauty in vocal expression, and in sixth grade, embarked on a formal study of Indian classical music. The lessons started with the same invocations that I had come to associate with beautiful wilderness mornings. Tranquil, clear, deep.

As a teenager, I transitioned into mainstream American music. I joined the school's a capella group, which I had admired since freshman orientation. Given my Indian classical singing, I was inclined to be the resonant voice of the tenor. I longed to relive the ragas in my tenor role. When tryouts rolled around, I thought I was a shoo-in, but my choir director had different plans. She wanted me to be the beatboxer, to unify the group and guide the singers to greater heights. She wanted me to be an instrument.

Being an instrument was harder than being a singer. It required incredible skill and discipline, as well as a concrete understanding of both vocal anatomy and yogic breathing. While I struggled initially, I refused to let down my group. I committed to mastering the mechanical intonations and buzzing sounds, uninterrupted coordination of the lips, tongue and throat. For inspiration, I looked to different cultures emblematic of the roots of rhythm. I discovered the percussive African Güiro, drew from the Cuban Clave, Puerto Rican Reggaeton and Colombian Cumbia, merging these diverse sounds into synchronous patterns. I even returned to my roots as a Punjabi, using sounds of the dholki and tabla.

My performances became a colorful melange of vocals and rhythm. I was thrilled with my progress -- until one quiet child changed my understanding of beatboxing. Every month, our acapella group taught music to the giggling fifth-graders at Bella Vista Elementary, in Oakland. There was one girl, however, who rarely looked up or sang with the rest of the group. Her name was Rachel, and she had autism. When we encouraged her, she shied away. Slowly though, as I beatboxed more and more, she began to tap her hands on her knees. The next session, she was bobbing her head from side to side. Finally, on Halloween, I saw a different Rachel. As I beatboxed, she began to make the kick drum---BOP!---and joined me in a raucous cacophony.

I then realized, words are superfluous. Creativity can transcend musical harmony. Beatboxing became more than something for my enjoyment; it was now a tool to connect with others and help them. Rachel opened my mind to the power of the human beat, taking me beyond just rhythm. In a sense, my love of beatboxing has influenced an insatiable curiosity for personal connection -- in music, language, and human expression. More than anything, being a beatboxer has humbled me. I have found joy in my supporting role, in its power to propel everyone forward.

As I prepare for college, I intend to learn with an open mind and a willingness to embrace failure. To continue to beatbox in all aspects of my life, combine fun with responsibility, and to move beyond stereotypes of situations or roles. I have come to believe that the pursuit of excellence is not a linear path of mastering skills but a commitment to explore new possibilities.

I still enjoy singing, but I am happiest as an instrument.

— — —

Analysis + What Works Well in This Essay

Again, I think a great personal statement shows values, insights, vulnerability, and craft: 

  1. Values. Note how each paragraph demonstrates at least one music-related example and each one connects to a value or values:

    • Indian classical music → family, culture

    • Mainstream American music → dedication

    • Different cultures' percussive sounds → diversity

    • Teaching Rachel beatboxing → helping others, freedom

    • Playing supporting role → humility

    His final paragraph demonstrates still more values: openness, courage, fun, responsibility, and exploration.

  2. Insight. He includes several nice "so what" moments of reflection, including the double meaning here: "[My choir director] wanted me to be the beatboxer, to unify the group and guide the singers to greater heights. She wanted me to be an instrument." And this admission near the end: "More than anything, being a beatboxer has humbled me. I have found joy in my supporting role, in its power to propel everyone forward." I find this insight refreshing, as students tend to emphasize their leadership.

  3. Vulnerability. The excerpt above, in which the author describes being “humbled,” suggests the author may not have been quite as humble before, which is somewhat vulnerable to admit. The author also describes something that has deep, personal significance to him with enthusiasm, which also takes vulnerability.

  4. Craft. There are so many nicely crafted moments, from the sentence, "We greeted the sunrise with surya-namaskar, 108 repetitions of the same verse honoring the Sun God," to the way the ending returns to the opening. As with other well-crafted pieces of writing, it's clear this essay has gone through several revisions.

How to Use The “Skills/Superpowers” Approach to Brainstorm Your Own Personal Statement

1. Pick a skill or superpower that might work well as a topic.

How will you find those ideas? Watch this video to brainstorm ideas. Look for topics that are elastic (meaning you can probably connect them to many different parts of yourself) and, if possible, less common (meaning something like rare, unusual, or unexpected). 

If you're unsure whether your topic is a "good" one ...

2. Test your topic by connecting it to at least 5 values.

If you can do this, it might be a good one. If you can't, maybe try another one. You can use the Values List for this. Once you've found a potential topic ...

3. Brainstorm 4-7 examples connected by your theme/thread to illustrate your values.

For the "Beatboxing" essay, the outline might look something like this:

  • First memories of Indian classical music → family, culture

  • Transition to mainstream American music + joining a capella → dedication

  • Learning other musical traditions: diversity

  • Teaching Rachel beatboxing: helping others, freedom

  • Playing supporting role: humility

Why 4-7? Your final draft will be max 650 words, which is usually enough space to dive into just 3-5 examples effectively, so I'd recommend generating more examples than you'll need so you can see which ones work best. Then keep the best and cut the rest.

Could you potentially brainstorm the examples first, then find the values? Sure.

Whichever way you go, keep things simple right now. Check out the Values List for inspiration.

_ _ _

So far we’ve been looking at personal statements, which are the (approximately) 650-word essays students typically write for their Common App or Coalition App, and which will work for many different colleges.

Some schools, however, require supplemental essays—additional essays that are particular to the school you’re applying to and that can often be found via the Common App.  

Example #3: The “Less Common Extracurricular Activity” Approach (Works well for supplemental essays)

Note: The next essay on “construction” (a job the student worked) was written for the UC prompt #8, which asks about what else makes you stand out as an applicant, but could have worked for many other prompts.

Example:

Five years ago I took up a job in construction from a couple of neighbors who needed help doing a demolition job on an old house. I saw this as an opportunity to help pay bills around the house as well as cover my own personal expenses. I did a good enough job that my neighbors told me that, if I wanted, I could continue working with them. 

It has been a demanding job and I made numerous mistakes at first, like using the wrong tools for different tasks or the wrong size screw. On occasion, I was scolded for my mistakes and I felt incompetent, as I wasn’t able to complete tasks as fast as my co-workers. There were even days that I considered quitting, but I stuck with it. 

 Since then, I've built, repaired, and remodeled numerous homes for family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers. I’ve removed and replaced carpets; broken down walls as well as driveways; installed cabinets, lights, both wood and tile flooring; and painted room after room. 

Working in construction has made me feel like a bigger part of society, because I’m shaping the buildings and offices my community uses. Although I don’t make the choices in design, my workmanship is reflected in every job I’ve done. Because of this, my most memorable projects are those that I’ve taken on by myself.

It has been a personally fulfilling experience—there’s just something about peeling away the last strip of tape off a new floor that’s indescribable—and getting to see hours of planning, preparation, and work come together is such a rewarding experience. The best part? Knowing that some family will get to enjoy my work.

But this is not what I will do the rest of my life. 

There are other ways I can help cover my family’s expenses, and getting a degree is the next step. In fact, I have a feeling that would be an even more fulfilling journey. (325 words)

— — —

Analysis + What Works Well in This Essay

  • Sometimes students think “I can’t write about my job” but you can totally write about your job… which in this case I’m calling a “less common extracurricular activity”—because it’s less common to find students working in construction. Important side note that the more common an activity is, generally the harder it will be to write about it in a way that stands out.

  • Another thing students often ask about: Can I write about work I’ve done to support my family, even at home? Again, you can totally write about that. Just make sure you’re highlighting specific values you’ll bring to a college campus AND why the activity is meaningful to you, as this student did:

    • Par 1: Commitment to supporting the family (colleges love to hear about this!) and create autonomy (cover their own personal expenses)

    • Par 2: Ability to persevere (even after being criticized)

    • Par 3: Ability to adapt to and learn to tackle many different kinds of jobs (see list of responsibilities they’ve taken on)

    • Par 4 and 5: The author answers “so what” (being a bigger part of society, feeling a pride in and ownership of their work)

    • Ending: The biggest “so what” is the knowledge that there is more for them to do and learn—in college and beyond. (Side note: This author attended Stanford for both undergrad and for their Masters in Engineering.)

  • Could this topic have worked for the student’s personal statement? Probably, yes. Here’s an exercise to help you brainstorm how to do that. 

How to Use The “Uncommon Extracurricular Activity” Approach to Brainstorm Your Own Supplemental Essay

Complete either of these two exercises (or both):

  1. How to Brainstorm 7 Different Personal Statement Ideas 

  2. “If You Really, Really Knew Me…” exercise

  3. Choose 2-3 less common (or ideally uncommon) activities that you believe would show different sides of you. 

    • To test which one might be the best to focus on in your essay, complete the Jellyfish Exercise and make a list of values that each could help you show.

  4. Brainstorm 1-3 specific details or examples to help show each value.

    • For examples, see the essay above:

      • Supporting family + autonomy → “I saw this as an opportunity to help pay bills around the house as well as cover my own personal expenses.”

      • Ability to persevere → “On occasion, I was scolded for my mistakes … but I stuck with it.”

  5. Consider starting with a simple structure that goes something like this: 

    • Name the uncommon extracurricular activity (or job) in the first paragraph

    • Describe specific things you do

    • Say why these things are important to you, and connect to values

    • Perhaps end with how you’ll bring these values to college and beyond

Remember: It usually takes several drafts to finalize an essay, but this should get you started.

Want help brainstorming even more ideas? 

Watch this video: How to Brainstorm 7 Different Personal Statement Ideas