SANTUR
Written using the Montage Structure for the UC Application essay.
Could have worked for Prompts 2, 3, 7, 8 and even 1.
Do re fa mi, re do fa mi, re do sol fa mi re mi re. Have I completely lost it? Should I be locked up in a mental hospital chained to a chair? No. Then what are these utterances coming from my mouth? Music.
I have devoted thousands of hours of my life to playing the santur, a classical Persian instrument that originated in the Middle East. Some people think I'm strange: a Persian redheaded Jewish teenager obsessed with an ancient musical instrument. But they don’t see what I see. My santur is King David’s lyre: it can soothe, enrapture, mesmerize.
The santur also allows me to connect to my culture and Persian heritage, and to visit Iran of the past, a culture rich in artistic tradition. Sometimes I imagine performing for the king in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the santur sounds echoing through the Seven Hills of Jerusalem.
Today, some Americans view Iran as a land of terrorists, but when I play the innocent of Iran, the educated, the artists, the innovators, come to life. Iran is not a country of savages; it’s Kubla Khan’s fountain, an abundant source of knowledge and creativity.
Finally, the santur represents one of my remaining links to my grandfather. In the last few years of his life, Baba Joon did not know me as his grandson. Alzheimer’s slowly took over his brain, and eventually he could not recognize me. Baba Joon grew up with the music of the santur and my father plays it in his car every day, so when I play, the music connects all three generations.
In December I’ll be releasing my first album, a collection of classical Persian pieces. Proceeds from the album will go toward Alzheimer's research, as I hope to play some small part in finding a cure for the disease. My teacher is one of only a handful of santur teachers from Iran, and I sometimes wonder if the santur will soon become extinct, like the seven thousand endangered languages which may soon be gone.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
(Length: 350 words)
Analysis: There is so much to love about this piece too. Here’s what the author does well (and what you can learn from it):
1. Choose a thematic thread (i.e. something that connects everything) and make sure it’s clear. In this piece, obviously, it’s the santur, but it could be anything: a talent or skill, a job, or a sport.
2. Brainstorm values that connect to this thing (whatever you’ve chosen). How? Use this Values Exercise. But don’t stop there:
3. Make several uncommon connections.
Remember…
A boring example:
Common topic: basketball
Common connections: hard work, perseverance, teamwork
Common language: “Basketball has really influenced me and my life.”
A stand-out example:
Uncommon topic: santur
Uncommon connections: culture/heritage, social change, family
Uncommon language: “...the santur sounds echoing through the Seven Hills of Jerusalem.”
First, brainstorm the cliché version of your topic.
How? Yes, I’m going to tell you to look at the Values Exercise again. Ask yourself: What values would the typical response focus on?
Then agree not to focus on those values. Instead, brainstorm some uncommon connections. Ask, “What are some unusual values that someone else’s basketball/violin/mission trip essay might not focus on?” Then:
4. Use those uncommon connections (i.e. values) as the basis for your outline, and focus on one paragraph per value.
Each paragraph should consist of a vignette, a value (quality or skill) and your insight. Using a table to brainstorm ideas might help organize your thoughts. Like this:
Thematic thread example: Santur
