Nightly Snapchat Questions
My phone illuminated the dark room, my first response of the night.
Every night before I go to sleep I open Snapchat and take a photo of my pitch black room. On this black photo I put in a textbox all of the responses I received to a question I asked the previous night and below the responses is the next night’s question. Although the idea for the nightly questions came to me as a whim while I was bussing tables, it helped me connect with all my friends who had left town for the summer. My questions started off simple. What’s your favorite color? Or What’s your YouTube guilty pleasure? The low response rate made me wonder whether people were nervous about being judged. I decided to always share the answers without names in hopes of making people more comfortable replying.
Although my intention was originally to get more answers, using anonymity not only accomplished this but also demonstrated that I respected my responders’ privacy. The trust inspired me to continue asking questions; I felt as if I was learning more about my friends– even those I’ve known for years. My friends’ answers not only reflected their increasing trust in me– but deeper levels of reflection and honesty. My attention to the issue of trust became a central part of the nightly questions. More importantly, seeing people express different sides of themselves with vulnerability was a profound experience. I was able to see that beneath the surface of people’s daily lives, there are whole parts of themselves that they might not show others; watching them open doors into their stories humbled me. I felt as if I was in their service by carrying their stories with me.
Because the responses increased in vulnerability, I felt obliged to deepen my questions. But as people’s responses became more personal, I noticed myself occasionally judging answers. I found this surprising as I consider myself a non-judgmental person. It’s a common saying at my school that “coming out” as conservative incites greater social backlash than coming out as LGBTQ+. Both to give my conservative friends a platform and to challenge my own judgments, I asked a question about a political issue I am passionate about. What is your stance on gun-control? Replies ranged from Take away everyone’s guns to Our family obeys the law; why should we be punished for another’s crime? I felt myself wanting to argue but I didn’t want to compromise my responsibility as the moderator of a platform. I want people to feel safe, not alienated, when expressing themselves. When I set aside my judgment, I noticed I became less angry and could more easily look past the differences I have with my friends and look at why they formed these viewpoints in the first place.
The first time I saw a substantial drop in replies was when I asked a difficult question– What are the lies that you tell yourself? People’s responses were shockingly full of self-doubt and judgment. I’m smart. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m straight…. I know all these feelings. They come from the fear of accepting oneself. While I felt sad at first, their replies helped me reflect on one of the biggest lies I tell myself: that I am always compassionate. Because being truly compassionate means I must practice self-compassion and a big part of self-compassion is being watchful of the harsh criticisms that can fester in my own mind.
My nightly questions remind me connection requires trust. To me, trust means being humble and accountable to others; it means withholding judgment and challenging my own biases in order to make room for compassion. As I prepare to start the next chapter of my life, I will ask new questions: What does my future hold? How will we change the world? But I’ll never stop asking What is your YouTube guilty pleasure?