The Good Life Guide
My mom has an unfounded fear of fatality. When I was five, scared for a time when she couldn’t be there for me, she began penning a love note full of “bumper sticker wisdom,” gleaned from encounters with strangers and friends. We call these nuggets The Good Life Guide (TGLG), an ever-evolving shared note on our phones. TGLG is where I come from, it’s where I am now, and it’s where I will go.
Rule #55: The world is full of people who will try and tell you who you are, but that’s for you to decide. In sixth grade, while I was closing the blinds, my teacher stopped class to say: “Ella, you are not normal; you are socially awkward.” When I shared this at dinner, my mom responded: “Ella, normal is only a setting on the dryer.”
Rule #62: Is it scary, a risk, and outside the norm? Then, go do it. Departing for Beijing, I was scared. However, bustling through the Beijing airport, I realized my fear originated in the unknown, and I decided to not be scared of something I couldn’t identify. Four months later, exiting Huashan North Railway Station in the pitch black, my friend and I were overwhelmed by boisterous cab drivers offering service. Flinching only for a second, we hopped in a cab. As we headed towards our hotel, our cab driver asked us a stream of questions, eager to practice his English. Moving to China in one suitcase was unconventional, but by embracing the power of disorientation (Rule #61) and by being delighted by people (Rule #38), it became a comfort I didn’t want to leave.
Rule #26: People need to be seen and heard. Do you see me? Did you hear me? Did what I say mean anything to you? Every week, I reach out to at least two friends I haven’t seen in a while. One week, bogged down with work, I had barely spoken to anyone, so I reached out to my best friend. Instantly, she called back sobbing. All she could muster was: “How did you know I needed you?” There are 604,800 seconds in a week. I don’t know how I knew; I just did. I wanted to wiggle my nose like Samantha Stephens, transporting myself to her house to take on the weight she was carrying, but all I could do was say: “Don’t hang up. I’m staying here with you until you fall asleep.” I wasn’t going to hang up the whole night, but as usual, she didn’t charge her phone, and our call disconnected around 4 am. If I don’t do anything else, I make sure my friends know I see them, I hear them, and what they say means something to me.
Rule #49: Keep your good deeds anonymous. Whoops, I guess I broke that when I shared Rule#26 with you; I will do better.
Rule #33: Character is revealed in defeat. I chose Taft for the wrong reasons. I thought it would be the right path towards my then aspirations after high school. I chose it for the person I thought I wanted to be. However, when I got there, I was dejected. I realized it didn’t fit, and I transferred. This dejection did me the greatest favor, for at Miss Porter’s I gained myself. I discovered what I value, who I want to be, and the type of people I want to surround myself with.
Rule #50: Teach children history, and they will protect the present and the future. In my family, no conversation was off-limits, especially difficult ones. Witnessing money’s power to deteriorate livelihoods and health through my grandparents’ mismanagement of their money and my parents’ divorce, I’m committed to learning how to care for myself.
Rule #41: Keep going, no matter what. Yep!