This Is Me

This Is Me

I am Mexican.

The sound of frying empanadas and the smell of burning peppers. My mother calling me ‘mi vida’ and my relatives kissing my cheek. Running but never hiding from the dreaded chancla and always responding with, “Muy bien, y tu?” Childhood vacations to Puebla and Cancun, swimming in the ocean and playing in the sand. Feeling the need to be good at cross-country, feeling the need to be able to endure spicy.

Those are all me.

I am Chinese.

The utter preference for using chopsticks in every scenario and the unhealthy craving for rice with every meal. The sharing of every dish placed on the center turn table. Hotpot for celebration and tea eggs, of all things, as a favorite dish. My father’s musical Cantonese conversations with my grandparents, and their constant inquiry asking, “How is school?” Being named after 龙, the dragon, for strength and living for three years in Shanghai. The constant pressure to get good grades, my father’s desire for me to become a doctor, and the never-ending, “How are you so bad at math, you’re Asian?”

Those are all me.

I am American.

A citizen with the freedom to vote. The freedom to speak my mind and the representation by all the cultures and countries of the world. Shopping sprees at Target and a constant diet of fast foods. Full acceptance of the consumer society and a rather unhealthy addiction to social media and technology. Going to football games on Friday nights and watching Netflix on Saturday nights. Always watching my weight. Always looking at others. Always wishing, always wanting for more.

Those are all me.

I am Catholic.

Sunday mornings always spent at church. The private Catholic middle and high schools each with masses for special occasions. Baptism, Eucharist, and Confirmation. Praying before each meal and saying, “Go away in the name of Jesus” to nighttime horrors. Theology classes and realizing there is so much more to religion than faith. Having something to believe in. Questioning what you believe in. Turning to God when I see the horrors in the world and getting no response.

Those are all me.

I am homosexual.

An unusual obsession with fashion and clothing. Watching Game of Thrones not for Daenerys or Cersei, but for Jon Snow and Jamie. Seeing Love Simon for the first time, and crying at least five times. Always conscious always thinking before talking. Going to an all-boys school. Dealing with gay being to go to expression for displeasure. Being called a faggot when I act gay. Fear of my parents finding out.

Those are all me.

I am Jonathan Kei-Lung Eng.

I love reading and am addicted to fanfiction. I have three siblings and love my two dogs more than anything in the world. I can’t eat spicy food and I have the biggest sweet-tooth. I play League of Legends and soccer. I’m a Marvel geek and theater nerd. My friends call me Jenga. My teammates call me Jeng. My teachers call me Mr. Eng. I am Mexican. I am Chinese. I am American. I am Catholic. I am gay. I am all of this and more, and most of all, I am me. My identity is not a singular entity, but a conglomeration of experiences, beliefs, and origins. This is my identity.

This is me.