Three Wishes + Psychology
Day 264 of the campaign in the Forgotten Realms. My character, Bragern the Elvish Rogue, and the rest of my party have entered the cave, fought the dragon, and saved our gnome guide, after which our Dungeon Master describes a chest overflowing with energy. I open it and inside is the Ring of Wishing. I learn that this ring holds three wishes for whatever I desire. So what do I desire?
D&D is a role-playing game, which means the decisions my character makes should, in theory, be based in my reality. So the real question is, how would my experiences define my character in this moment?
Wish One: The ability to control time
To my grandfather, a successful day meant a particular thing: he rose quickly through the ranks of Morgan Stanley and BofA, but rarely had time for his family. We’ve been spending more time together since his divorce from my grandmother, and I can see how his choices haunt him. In terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, my grandfather focused on fulfilling Physiological and Safety, but because he stopped at Love and Belonging, could never complete his pyramid. The irony is that he thought he was showing love–after all, his goal was to build a fortune for his family. But what his family wanted was to spend more time with him. With my first wish, I’d lengthen my days to both pursue my own excellence and develop strong ties with my family.
Wish Two: The ability to instantly mediate
When a classmate wore her MAGA hat to school, I stepped into a role I often fill in my peer group: mediator. I found myself defending her choice to my classmates who couldn’t see past their own liberal biases. I see these interpersonal moments as chances to create conversations that aren’t competitions, but opportunities to glean information and develop stronger, more unified conclusions. To accomplish that, we first have to understand where someone is coming from. I knew the MAGA-hat wearer wasn’t stupid, just expressing her own values, shaped by reasons authentic to her. My second wish would be to effortlessly understand others’ perspectives and know the right thing to say.
Wish Three: The ability to read minds
As a counselor at Camp Orkila, I had a camper who told me he wanted to burn down camp and kill himself, putting me in the my least favorite role–attempting to get inside someone else’s heightened emotional state. I drew on my YMCA training in HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired) and found an energy redirection strategy to help him with his loneliness. Once we gave him a sea animals coloring book, the rest of the cabin wanted to be his friend and by the end of the week he was telling us that he couldn’t wait until next year. With my third wish I want to be able to see inside people’s minds so when I’m tasked with helping them, I know what they need.
But what does my life actually improve with these abilities? Maybe not. Perhaps the fact that I only have a certain amount of time makes the time I have sweeter. Instantly knowing what to say may stifle the insight that conflict can bring. And while I might have been more comfortable in the camp situation if I could read my camper’s mind, I may not have strengthened my leadership skills.
These experiences have shaped my interest in studying Psychology. I want to learn how to ensure my future family sees me as a present father, how to help frame one person’s thoughts so another can understand, and how to listen to what someone is telling me and derive more from their words. Sure, a magical ring would make it all easier, but would I learn as much? Best to give the ring to someone else.