The idea
Here’s something worth sitting with: you don’t just belong to one culture.
Sure, there’s the big stuff—your nationality, your ethnicity, your religion (or lack of one), the region you grew up in. But layered underneath all of that is something smaller and stranger: a set of rules, values, and beliefs that are yours specifically. Assembled over years from the quirks of your parents, the things that drove you crazy about your friends, the moments that made you go why doesn’t everyone just do it this way?
You can think of this as something like a “micro-culture.” Our friend and writer Duncan Sabien wrote a beautiful piece exploring the idea of the cultures we inhabit. His idea (that we’re building on and borrowing heavily from here): even two people who grew up in the same town, went to the same school, watched the same shows—they’ll still differ in hundreds of small, meaningful ways.
They’d write different constitutions. Found different churches. Build different schools.
And the phrase he uses (borrowed from another friend) to name those differences? “In my culture…”
As in: “In my culture, you don’t bail on plans the day-of unless something’s actually wrong.”
Or: “In my culture, a good argument is a sign of respect, not a sign of conflict.”
Or: “In my culture, the kitchen table is where everything important happens.”
These statements aren’t universal claims. They’re not demands. They’re just you, being honest about the version of the world you carry around inside your head.
That’s what this exercise is for: figuring out what’s in your culture. In the culture of you.
Here’s how to dive:
CEG’s “In my culture…” brainstorming exercise
Part 1—Get your bearings
Read through these example “In my culture…” statements. They’re from real people, but not the same person.
Notice which ones feel familiar, and which feel foreign.
- In my culture, arriving on time means arriving five minutes early. Late is disrespectful.
- In my culture, we don’t say “I love you”—we ask if you’ve eaten.
- In my culture, if you’re bad at something, you keep at it until you’re not. Quitting is embarrassing.
- In my culture, you can disagree loudly at dinner and still be best friends by dessert.
- In my culture, boys don’t cry. (I’m still unlearning this one.)
- In my culture, the car ride home from school is sacred. That’s where you actually talk.
- In my culture, everything worth doing is worth overdoing.
- In my culture, you earn trust once and lose it forever.
- In my culture, feelings are private. You deal with them on your own.
- In my culture, showing off is tacky, no matter how good you are.
Which of these made you nod? Which made you think nope, not in mine? Both reactions are useful.
Part 2—Dig into your own
Work through the prompts below. Don’t filter yourself. Don’t try to sound impressive. Just write quickly and honestly—messy notes are fine here.
Your people
- What are the unspoken rules in your family? The things nobody said out loud, but everyone just knew?
- What did your parents or caregivers do that you swore you’d either carry forward or never repeat?
- Is there something your family takes seriously that most people your age seem not to care about? Or vice versa?
- What does “being a good person” look like in your household? And to you, specifically? How is that different from how your friends define it?
Your friction points
- What’s something that bothers you—genuinely bothers you—that most people seem fine with?
- Think of a time you felt out of place or misunderstood. What was the cultural clash underneath that moment?
- Is there an argument you keep having—with friends, online, in your own head—that feels like it’s really about values, not just the surface topic?
- What do people in your school or community seem to believe that you quietly (or not so quietly) disagree with?
Your defaults
- How do you treat people who are struggling? How is that different from how others around you do it?
- What does loyalty mean to you? What does it require?
- When something goes wrong, what’s your first instinct—fix it, feel it, or find who’s responsible?
- What do you owe the people you love? What do they owe you?
Your small things
- What’s a habit, ritual, or quirk that you’d genuinely miss if it disappeared from your life?
- Is there something small—a word, a gesture, a tradition—that carries more weight for you than it probably should?
- What’s a rule you follow that you’ve never actually explained to anyone?
Part 3—Write your list
Now write your own “In my culture…” statements. Aim for at least ten. Don’t worry about whether they’re big or small, obvious or strange—just get them down.
A few tips:
- Be specific. “In my culture, family comes first” is a bumper sticker. “In my culture, you drive four hours to be at the table, even if all you do is sit there”—that’s a statement.
- Name the rule, not the value (but keep in mind the values you’re pointing to). Not “I believe in honesty” but “In my culture, you say the hard thing to someone’s face, never behind their back.”
- Let yourself be contradictory. Real people are. (Side note: Those kinds of contradictory tensions can be great for writing anyway.
Part 4—Find the ones that matter
Go back through your list. For each statement, ask yourself two questions:
- Is this actually true? Not just something you believe in theory—but something that shows up in how you actually live?
- Is this distinctly mine? Could half the people in your school write the same one, or is this specific to you, your family, your experience?
Circle the three to five that are both true and distinctly yours. And consider revising others to make them true and yours, if you want to.
Part 5—Connect a statement to a story
For each of your circled statements, try to recall a specific scene—a single moment or experience when this value showed up in real life.
Not a general pattern. A scene. A day. A conversation. What was said, what was done, what happened next.
Write a quick paragraph for each one. It doesn’t need to be polished. You’re just looking for: Does this value actually have a story attached to it?
If it does, you’ve found material.
Part 6—Look for the thread (optional, but worth trying)
Read back through your statements and stories together.
- Is there a theme running underneath several of them? A way of being in the world that connects the dots?
- Could one of your “In my culture…” statements serve as a lens—a way of looking at your life that explains why you care about the things you care about?
This is where a brainstorm can help to shape a montage essay. If you find that thread, hold onto it.
Further reading: This exercise is inspired by a piece by Duncan Sabien called “In My Culture.” If you want to see the full idea in action—and read one person’s remarkably honest account of their own micro-culture—it’s worth a look.
How to cite this exercise
Andrew Simpson/College Essay Guy (2026, April 23). “In my culture…” brainstorming exercise. College Essay Guy. https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/in-my-culture-es…torming-exercise
