105: How to Lead a Life-Changing Essay Workshop

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
Music.


Ethan Sawyer  0:08  
Welcome to the College si guy podcast. This is your captain speaking. Ethan Sawyer, I'm working to bring more ease, joy and purpose into the college application process. What are you doing? I'm messing welcome to the podcast where I often interview the most brilliant minds in the college admissions world to analyze their genius and break it down into a series of practical, actionable steps to make the college application process easier. Now I say that's what I often do. Sometimes, though, I change the game up a little bit, that's what I'm doing on this episode. So sometimes, especially when I see like a resource isn't already out there, I go ahead and create it, and that's what I've done, in this case, with the college essay workshop. So let me explain. Over the last few years, I've done a bunch of essay workshops. Probably, I probably do like, 20 to 30 a year, some of them really small, like four people. Some of them really big, like hundreds of people. And earlier this year, I was getting a bunch of requests for workshops, and my wife was like, actually, I'd like to spend some time with you. And I thought, okay, how could I do this? How could I still help you know, folks with these workshops, because they're an amazingly efficient way of helping a bunch of students at once and still spend time with my wife and baby. And so what I did is I put together this guide, and I've spent the last few months on this, so I'm really excited to share it. I put together something called the essay workshop in a box, which basically leverages students one of their best resources, which is their counselor. And if you're listening to this as a counselor, that's you, essentially. I thought, well, what counselors would just need would be some resources and sort of a an outline and maybe a minute by minute breakdown. And so I created it, and I did it in a way that it would be free to students. So for students, this essay workshop in a box is free 99 so the podcast you're about to listen to is a webinar that I gave to counselors called How To lead a life changing essay workshop, which I know is a tall order, but I try and make good on that promise. And in it, I share three parts or three modules from my essay workshop in a box, and that includes six ways that most workshops fail in the first five minutes. In my opinion, I also call the six terrible ways of starting a workshop. I share also five potentially life changing workshop moments and nine tips for leading a workshop of any size, and BT dubs at the end. I also say a few words, but my counselor training program, which I'm really excited about. And yeah, thanks for listening to the podcast. And if you're not a counselor, don't worry, because all of the other podcast episodes are for you. So anyway, hope you enjoy the episode, and I hope it sincerely changes your life. Hello, friends. Thank you for joining me on the webinar. If you've been to one of my workshops or webinars, you know, I don't like to start easy. I like to start with the deep and probing questions. So here's the question for today. What is something that you'd like to be better at being or doing? And I like legit wants you to answer, wants you to answer this for yourself for a second. So think about that for a second. What's something that you'd like to be better at being or doing? I would like to be better at switching gears from work mode to life mode. You know, just being really present fast. I think I'm pretty good at it, but I think I'd like to be better at it. If I had a superpower, I'd want that to be my superpower. Because I think sometimes when I'm in life mode, I'm still kind of in work mode, like when I'm hanging out with my daughter, I'm still thinking about work in the background, like I'm still running those programs. So I think I'd like to be better at turning those off. Okay, if you've never met me before, I'm Ethan. I graduated from Northwestern University in performance studies, got an MFA in acting from UC Irvine, a couple counseling certificates along the way. I've spent more than 10 years doing this, and the newest, sort of latest thing that I've done is gotten certified in hypnotherapy, which I'll share a little bit more about later. I'm on the Twitter and the Facebook if you want to connect with me there, and all these other ones. A lot of people don't know about Tumblr, especially counselors, but there's a cool lot of resources there, especially for students. And I've spent more than 10 years just focused on this thing, the college essay. And, you know, last year I wrote a book, and it's doing really well. People are responding to it. And so what can I say? This is my thing. This is like, my passion, and it's a really specific passion, which I like to call a geeky passion. And one thing that I'd like to be better at being or doing is, like, bragging on myself. So you'll notice that even if I talk about my book, I'm kind of like, I don't like to say, like, here buy it, you know, or anything like that. I'm just like, hey, I wrote this thing that's like, you know, something that I spent 10 years thinking about. So anyway, more trying to be open here with you today, I'm going to show you six ways that most essay workshops fail and. First five minutes, I'm going to talk about five potentially life changing workshop moments, nine tips for leading a workshop of any size, including when it's okay to lie to your students. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Then I'll spend a few minutes telling you about this new thing that I've spent like three months working on, called the essay workshop in a box, which is basically, how do you take all these resources, you know, and turn them into a paradigm shifting, you know, hopefully, really productive workshop with students, and then I've got a counselor training program that's coming up in just about 10 days or so, maybe two weeks. So I'll tell you more about that at the end. I'll give you a link to the slides and recording for this webinar, there will be a free book offer for the first 50 who registered and attended through to the end, and I'll tell you more about that then. And then there's a little surprise. So stay to the end. All right, let's jump right in six ways, facilitators lose their audience in the first five minutes. And I like to use the word facilitator when I'm talking about a workshop, because I like what the word means, right, to facilitate, to make easy. Because there are certain ways that I think, whether it's a counselor, teacher or a NACAC presenter. And NACAC, by the way, for those of you who may not know, is the National Association for college admissions counselors. You know, I attend this conference every year, and I see sometimes the presentation just kind of they lose me in the first five minutes. And so here's some ways. Here's some ways to not start a workshop as it were. The first way is by just giving out a whole lot of information. And the reason I think this is not a great idea is because I think it puts students, or, you know, the people on the workshop in a passive, what I call leaning back place. So Paulo Freire is this amazing thinker who wrote this book called pedagogy of the oppressed, which I really encourage checking out. And he talks about the banking model, and the banking model of education treats students like these empty vessels waiting to be filled with knowledge, like a piggy bank, you know. And there's this one figure up there who is like, filling their empty heads, and I just don't want to be that person. I don't want to create that dynamic. Now it's a little bit ironic, because here I am talking to you guys, and I'm not really encouraging a lot of interaction. I try to with some opening questions. But when I'm working with students live and we're in the environment together, I really want them to feel like they have a lot of skills and a lot of knowledge and, you know, resources, you know, already in play. You know that's happening inside them. And my job is to really help them to recognize that, you know, to acknowledge those skills and resources and to put those into use when we're talking about, you know, the personal statement. So starting off with a lot of information, not the best way to do that. Another thing you know, when presenters start with a super long intro detailing the academic and professional history, I just go right to sleep. If you noticed, in my intro, I spent, you know, less than 30 seconds on it, enough to give a little context, but not so much that it's like, you know, this is all about me and what I've what I've been doing. You know, I think that's something that that folks can read or ask about later. For me, what's most interesting is and useful in a presentation is, well, what's the news that I can use? And so in each of my workshops, as in each of my webinars and each of my podcasts, I'm trying to do one of two things. One, give, give the listeners something practical that can be used immediately in their lives or to shift a paradigm. In other words, give somebody a new way of thinking about their work or their potential work in the world. And ideally, both things happen. So we'll see if that happens. Today. You can let me know the third thing, the third place I think that presenters go wrong sometimes is by starting with something too tangential. Now, don't get me wrong, tangents can be amazing, and I'll talk in a little bit about how I think they can be even the most productive part of the workshop. But I think sometimes there's this desire to just get the jitters out, and so a presenter might go start talking about what they had for breakfast, and then it goes on, and we're three minutes into the presentation, and we're still talking about, you know, that breakfast thing, so that I think can be detrimental, because, you know, I'm like, hey, you know, time is short. Life is short. You've got 60 seconds, 60 minutes of my attention, you know, what do you got for me? So I feel like, if something is too tangential, we can lose folks. The fourth way to not start a workshop is to have every single person in the room of like 40 people say their name and why they're there. Now I know, I know this one's really popular, right? This is something that you'll see at lots of conferences and workshops, and it's a desire. It comes from a good place, right? It comes from the place where the presenter is wanting everyone to have their voice heard, and, you know, trying to sort of break the ice. But I don't think it's a great one. And in part, I think part of is the second part of it is like saying why you're there. I find that when I ask students, why are you here? A lot of times it's pretty general, like


you. Because I want to write a good essay, or because my parents made me, you know, and then one once, a couple students, you know, hear a couple answers that they like, they'll kind of pick those, and it'll be like just saying, just repeating those, basically. So I don't recommend using that, and I think that's, that's the fault of the the setup, meaning the the question. So having everyone say something might be useful. But if it's, if it's a room of more than, say, 20 people, I think having everyone talk right at the beginning, it starts. I don't know when I when I'm in a room like that, I start to get a little anxious. I'm like, let's let's go. Let's get to the good stuff. The fifth way I think people can go wrong is with superficial questions, like, please give us your name and one of your hobbies, you know. And again, I think the setup question is wrong. So names first. Great. That's fine. Now, one thing that I like to do at my workshops is just have name tags so we don't have to deal with that. So and then one of your hobbies, I find, is not going to tell me a whole lot about the student, and it's not going to get me on the track to doing what I want to be doing most in the workshop, and what do I want to be doing most? Well, that's going to depend right on, on the workshop. But for me, when I'm leading a workshop, I tend to be in the realm of like, for example, encouraging students to open up, or creating a safe space where vulnerability is the currency of the room, or, let's say, keeping students engaged, you know, is, maybe, is one of my intentions. And I might set a couple intentions, and I might have a different intention for a different part of my workshop, but I find that, you know, this question, like, what's one of your hobbies, is not really going to get me to, you know, closer to that intention. And so I'll step back and say, and this is something that I'll talk a little bit more about in a bit. But I think it's really important for facilitators to clarify an intention for themselves. And I find that when I'm sitting in a workshop, oftentimes I can tell, or I don't sense, that there is a really clear intention. By doing so, by setting that clear intention, that can kind of put you on the rails and go, Okay, should I be doing this? Or should I not? Well, is it aligned with my intention, and I think it's good to do that for a specific workshop. And I just think it's great for counselors to do for their work and let me go bigger for their lives. I found that over the years, as I've gotten clearer and clearer in my intention, and by the way, I'll just tell you what my intention is. My intention is to bring more ease, purpose and joy to this process, ease, purpose and joy, right? So when I think about that, when I think about okay, for example, on this webinar right now, am I helping to bring more ease, purpose and joy? I think so. So I'm feeling aligned right now. There are other things that I can do that may not be in alignment with that, but the clearer I can get on what I'm trying to do, whether it's in a particular workshop, in my work as a counselor, or in life, I feel like that's going to help me. Know, do I keep it or cut it? One resource for, you know, coming up with better questions for for workshops, or really just for one on one work with students is if you just Google 100 brave and interesting questions. And in fact, I think if you know, if you know, if you just Google interesting questions, this will pop up. So it's a list of questions that I use with my students. In fact, I used it for this right now. With that first question, what's something you wish you were better at being or doing? It's just a great list way of getting to know folks better. And then there are other, what I call crappy icebreaker exercises. And you maybe know the ones that I'm talking about, the ones that you kind of do, and you're like, Okay, I see what this exercise is trying to do, but I'm not really feeling it. I'm not really into this. I try and use exercises. And what do I mean? Well, for example, two truths and a lie, that can be an okay exercise, and it's not generally crappy, but for me, it's sort of like it takes a long time, and especially in the room of like 20 people, to do two truths and a lie. If you don't know what that is, you can Google it, but you may not need to point is, you know, when you can find an exercise that, in my mind, is aligned with your intention and is, is having everybody in the room lean forward, whether it's a question or whether it's, you know, something that you're having folks do in partners. I'll share one in just a second. Those are the kind of exercises that I think make for more of a wham bam opening. The other thing we're trying to do, and I'm going to share, in a second, a better way to start a workshop. I just think that from the first moment in a workshop, what I'm trying to do as a facilitator is to build rapport. R, A, P, P, O, R T. Rapport is what is? What is rapport? This is something, again, that you could Google, but it's a vibe. I'm trying to create a vibe where the participants feel connected to me and where they feel connected to one another, and I can tell when I've got it and when I've not got it. Now, it's harder to tell on a on a podcast or a webinar, but live in the room. You can watch people's body language, and you can tell, are we connected? Are we not connected? Some people are better at telling than others. I can really feel when I've broken rapport. A lot of times it's when I've come down hard on somebody and said, Don't do X or don't do Y, that tends to break rapport, and then I kind of have to build it back. But here's a way of for. In my mind, building rapport quickly. There's an exercise called, if you really knew me, that I really enjoy, and this comes from a friend of mine named Aaron Ross. She taught this to me, and it goes simply like this, I'll just do it. It'll take me about 30 seconds, and you can kind of see how it goes. And this is how I'll actually start a workshop. Rather than give my bio, I'll say, Hi, my name's Ethan, and if you really knew me, and I'll actually pause like this in a workshop, because I can, you would know that. Okay, here's something fresh. There's a dog barking in the background right now, and I'm feeling annoyed by it. And I'm on the one hand, going, Okay, why am I feeling annoyed by this? So, so what? I'm feeling annoyed because I want to make sure, like, I have a deep desire for you guys to clearly understand what I'm saying. There's another dog bark, so what? But it goes deeper than this. Like I think, I think I have this is connected to control, being able to control my environment, which in some ways is really good and a positive thing, and something we have to do in our lives. But I lives, but I think sometimes goes too far and so what? So, as I'm saying that I'm releasing the dogs as it were, in the background, and I'm finding that I feel like a little bit more okay if the dogs bark in the background. So what? So okay. So speaking my annoyance out loud, in this case, actually allowed me to feel a little bit less annoyed, a little bit more. Okay, okay, so that's kind of how it goes. And what you'll notice I did is I went back and forth. I started with if you really knew me, and then I went to, so what? And there are two reasons that I really love this. And if we were in a workshop environment, I would actually have everybody say, if you really knew me Actually, let's do it. Let's just do a quick one. If you really, if I really knew you, what would I know about you? Type it in the chat box, and keep in mind that the chat box is public. So if you really knew me, you're, we're gonna, kind of, we might temper these a little bit, but this is an opportunity, and this is the reason I want to kind of put it out there for you to do it, is that I tell students, I say, here's an opportunity, and you're going to do it in a second with a partner, is what I'll tell them to be known, to allow yourself to be known. And it's the first moment of what I call vulnerability training. Because what I'm trying to do with my students and their personal statements is encourage them to be more vulnerable and to be more open and in each time I give them a chance to do it, they get better and better at it. Now, the reason I use so what and for anybody typing in the chat box, so Colleen says I take everything personally. Join the club, or maybe I can join your club. The reason I add so what to this question is because the next thing that I'm trying to get students to do is to bring insight into their essay. And I think one of the great ways for students to bring insight into their essay is by simply asking themselves, so what? So I'll sometimes in a workshop say, Okay, I'm gonna sew what you hear, and I'll just ask the student to so what? To go a little bit further with whatever they've shared. So cool. We've got some good stuff coming in. I second, guess everything. I love Neil Young's music. Now, one of the things that I'll that's interesting to note is when the reveal is informational. So I've heard it said before that there are like three levels of connection that there's like the informational level, where you're revealing a fact about yourself. There's the personal level, which is like, you know, I take everything personally. And then there's the relational level, which is like, you know, I'm really enjoying spending this time with you right now, or I'm feeling a little bit of anxiety and tension around our relationship right now. And so you might, you know, ask your students, you know, consider, are you sharing on the informational level, or have you gone one level deeper to where you are sharing on the personal level. So that's something else, another little framework to think about. So, Oh, before I get to this, well, actually, I'll, I'll, I'll share about that in a second. Okay, so five potentially life changing workshop moments. Let me, let me share a different screen with you really quick. So on this, let's see, I'm just going to switch over, and here we go. Whoa, that just created like an infinite, let me, let me pull that out so that I'm not actually doing that. It just created like a sharing infinite, like one of those barber shop mirrors. So here's what I want to share with you. Okay, so take a look up here. You should see a spreadsheet, which, for some of you might seem kind of exciting, and for some might be like, What are you doing? Get away from me. But this is my quick reference guide. So this is from my essay workshop in a box, and I wanted to just give you kind of an overhead view of a workshop. The type of workshop that I'll give this is like a two hour version, and I map it out here in terms of how much minutes I'll spend on each section. But here are the potentially five life changing workshop moments. So one comes here,


one comes here, one comes here, 1231 comes here, and then there's another one here. Okay? Yeah. So in terms of a life changing workshop, the first one, I think, begins in that first five minutes. So, so when could students lives begin to change? I think, in these first five minutes. So to give you a quick example, this is in the essay workshop in a box, you know, I'll, I'll do something like a game, like I love where, you know, I love is an opportunity to just spend a minute making a list of things that you love. And by just going through this list, students are having to, you know, be improvisatory, but most of all, they're having to open themselves up. And I find that in these first moments, some students are like, well, I don't know. I've never really made a list of things that I love with a stranger on the spot, you know, or you know, in this if you really knew me exercise, you know, I've often had students, and when I've done this with counselors, say, Wow, I shared something that I've never really shared with somebody. So even though you wouldn't expect it, it could be that in the first five minutes, you could offer an opportunity for your participants life to be changed. And by change, what do I mean by sharing something? Hey, I've never shared this before, or I was asked a question that encouraged me or that inspired me to share something in a way that I've never shared it before. So my my call to you, or my challenge is, how can we start setting up questions even from the very start, that sets the tone for the workshop, and the tone is like, Hey, we're gonna go for it. Now. What does that take? It takes bravery, right on our part, it takes willingness to be able to ask a difficult question, a question that someone might raise their hands and say, I don't feel comfortable asking that. And you say, okay, that's okay. You don't have to answer that. And I like to set agreements at the start of a workshop. I won't get into that right this second, but you know, to make sure that people feel really comfortable with that, okay, but in this first moment, it could be that whatever the exercise is, whether it's if you really knew me or I love or there are a couple others that I do, that someone's life could be positively impacted, Okay, the next one is, I like to do this thing called the values exercise. And if you've ever, you know, read my book, or heard me share you might have heard this values exercise. And so the values exercise, I won't spend a lot of time on it, because it's maybe something that you've seen before, but if you haven't, it's just basically a values list. And what I ask students to do is to pick their top 10 values, and then I say, okay, you've got two minutes, so that creates a little sense of urgency, right? And then I say, Okay, now you got, you got a minute more to pick your top five values, and I'm really having them, you know, go for it. And, and I think this gives a potentially another life changing moment, because once you get down to three, two and then one, you know, what's your top value? Sometimes that'll surprise students, just as if I were to ask you right now, what's your top value, you might be like, Oh, well, I know it's family, but it could be that you go, you know what? Today I'm feeling a little different. I'm feeling a little, I don't know, a little more spontaneous. And today it feels like adventure is my top value. And that might surprise you, because maybe adventure is not one of those that you would normally list as you one of your top values. So I love this one because it's a great the values exercise because it's a great mirror to my soul, you know, to sort of let me see what's going on for me this morning. And I love doing this exercise with my students, even while I'm leading a workshop. So there's another tip, go ahead and do the values exercise with them. It doesn't take but about a second to just look at the list and choose a couple values as you're asking them to do it, and then I like to share. Well, my top value today was, let me just look at this really quick release, letting go. You know, I mentioned this sort of control thing that I do, and right? It's just as I was thinking, I heard this train go, and I went, No, it's fine. So letting go is maybe one of my, maybe my top value. Now, notice that I'm sharing a value that is not something that I've mastered. It's like something that's aspirational for me. And I like to tell that to students too, like, hey, this doesn't have to be something that you've nailed. It could be something that you're calling in, as it were, okay? So that's the second potential life changing moment is this values exercise. The third one is, is how to write a narrative essay. So just to kind of contextualize this, you know, in a larger workshop when I start off with students. So I'm just jumping back up at the top here. I will start with what I call essay essentials, which is just an FAQ that I hand out that eliminates most of those questions that are Google able, right? Like, how many essays will I need to write? Miss, or, you know, where can I find the prompts, you know, those kind of things. And then I like to set agreements, which doesn't have to take too long, but it's just a couple minutes that involve asking students to, you know, to get on board with what we're doing. My agreements are, number one, you know, just agreeing to a no gossip policy that whatever we say in this room stays in this room. Number two, I like to do, you know, listen with respect, which, which is pretty easy for students to get on board with. So sometimes I'll do that one. First, I like to do participate fully, which means to try the exercises, even if you're feeling a little bit uncertain or a little bit shy, to lean into that discomfort and see what, what you what, what it can teach. You. And then I also have students, you know, agree to take care of themselves fully. And taking care of themselves could mean, you know, you know physically where it's sort of like you know, you know, if you need to go to the bathroom or get some water, do that. Or it could mean more emotionally, like, if you don't want to share something, then don't share it. So even though I'm asking them to participate fully and to try stuff, I'm also saying, hey, but, you know, take care of yourself and and do what's right for you. Then I share, just takes a couple minutes, four types of college essays. And, you know, then we get into a narrative structure, which, you know, I disagree. You can just Google that to find out what that is. And then the montage structure, and I give a sample essay on each Okay, then, and I don't like to pause for a break here. I like to go straight into how to write a narrative essay. And a lot of this has to do with what I call the feelings and needs exercise, which has become, like my favorite exercise for helping students get from I have no idea what I want to write about to Oh, wow, here's something that that I could actually use, and it's particularly good for students who've been through challenges. It takes about 20 minutes, but I highly recommend it anyway. That why this exercise is so great is, there are a few reasons that I love it, but one of them is it's simple. So it's really just six questions with an optional seventh question that if students answer these questions and you give them enough time in between, they could map out a whole essay, and it's questions that they can continue to come back to, okay. The second reason I love it is this has been called my my 20 minute therapy exercise. So the questions are brave questions that go deep, and, you know, I'm not letting anybody off the hook here when I'm asking students these questions, and it's no mystery what the questions are. You can just Google feelings and needs exercise and and you can go through this exercise yourself. So you know, now I'll just when I'm whenever I'm working with students, I'll have them all do this, and even if I'm working one on one, I'll have them as pre work, like just watch the feelings and needs exercise video and come in and do that exercise. It can be heavy, and it sometimes brings up experiences or memories for students that they haven't maybe dealt with or fully processed. So after the after the exercise, I take an eight minute break, and I'll share in a minute why it's an eight minute break, because I want to just give them a chance to decompress. And I'll put on a little music, and then I haven't come back for what I call, what I would term the fourth potentially life changing moment. And it's an opportunity to share their stories. And students don't have to do this. And as a counselor, if that feels like it would be too edgy, you know, this is optional, but I highly recommend it, because I think, so far in a workshop, this is potentially the most life changing moment. And what I mean by this is, if a student has, for example, gone through a huge life changing experience and on the exercise, has processed it a little bit being able to say that out loud and share that with somebody who's in a what we'll just call listening with their best selves. And I, you know, I offer a couple different ways that students can do that and teach them how to do that. But you know, essentially, what does it mean to listen with your best self? It's listening without judgment. I teach reflective listening, and what that means is, is saying back what you're hearing the other person say. So what I heard you say just now is that your father drank, and that was really tough for you, you know, and you just watch, does the person nod? Yeah, okay. So you're basically just listening. And as students do that, and so what the goal is, is Partner A will just share, while Partner B just listens. And you know, as some of my friends will say, just hold space for the first person that can be a life changing experience. And I've heard students say, Wow, I've never told anybody that, or I never expected to share that. And then they switch, right, so that it's not just one person, it's the other person saying, All right, here's my story. And then at the end of this exercise, and this is, you know, explained in depth later, but essentially, I asked the partner who listened to share back the story you heard and to actually, you know, look at the feelings and needs exercising. Okay, well, I heard you say this and this and this, so that the first partner, the one who shared, can actually hear what it's like to have somebody else tell their story. So it's kind of like watching the movie of your own life. That's another one. So maybe that's a that's a fifth life changing moment, potentially already in there. But it's all within this paired sharing that I encourage. And then if there's time in a two hour workshop, I go on to how to write a montage essay. But sometimes, you know this is going so well. This paired sharing, and students are really into it and connecting. I just stay with this for the rest of a two hour workshop.


The fifth moment, just so that I've covered all five, is that once the essays are written, and this usually is like in a three day or four hour, four day workshop, once the essays are completed, I really encourage a story sharing time, which involves, you know, everybody who's been on the workshop to sit around in a circle, and it just take turns reading their personal statements aloud. And you know, I don't know how that lands for you when you hear me say that, if you can imagine doing that. With your students, but I just did this last week. We actually, yeah, yeah. Week ago, actually, a week ago. Right at this time, I was in a story sharing circle with a group of students in Arizona, about 20 kids, and about 12 of them shared. A couple of them weren't quite finished, but it was amazing. And it's just, you know, it's hard to describe, but there's a whole section that I have in my essay workshop in a box that explains why you should do this and or why I recommend doing it. But you know, in short, if you, if you've ever shared your your most deep self with a group of people, then you probably know something about this. You know, it feels in the way I kind of set it up as like a Quaker meeting, where it's like, Okay, who wants to share first, and then, as students feel comfortable, they step up to share, and nobody, not everybody, has to. I set it up like a potluck. So some people have, I just say everybody brings something. So it could be a poem that that you that you love, or a song lyric, or a Bible verse, or, you know, just something meaningful, so that everybody feels like they've they've put their their selves in and given something to the group. And then I just after each share, I'll just say, what was it like sharing your story just now? And I'll ask for, you know, some positive feedback from the group. What was it like to hear Sarah share her story just now? Were there any moments that that resonated with you and y'all, I can't tell you how awesome it is. So I highly, highly, highly recommend it. In fact, if I could, like, if, if I could pick, like, three things that I would recommend counselors do with their students, this would be maybe number one, but definitely in the top three. I haven't really thought about what the other two would be, but I just my life has been positively impacted each year with the groups of students that I do this with. So, okay, so flipping back, those are the five potentially life changing moments. And I say potentially, because not everybody will choose to do them or choose to do them in the specific way that I've suggested, okay, nine tips for leading a workshop of any size. So here are some things that I think are really important. Number one, make sure that that the task, whatever you've asked students to do on the workshop, is super duper clear. Now, what do I mean by this? Well, for example, you might say, you know, let's, let's, you know, work with a partner. Let's brainstorm at the partner. And if you say, brainstorm with a partner, like, what does that mean? A student might be like, What do you like? That seems so vague. It's so broad, you know. Or, you know, we're gonna work on what you've been going on, you know, keep working on what you've been doing so far, you know. And students are like, well, which part of it and how do I do that, you know? So I wouldn't recommend, you know, saying generally, like, work with a partner, unless you've got given a really super dear, you know, super duper clear sense of what that is. So for example, even going over the work, go over your work, what does that even mean? So here's an example of making sure the task is super duper clear. Here's how I talk to my students. So here's what I'll say. I'll say, all right, in a moment, not right now. I want you to pick a partner. Okay, wait, not right now. Not right now. First, I want you to decide who's Partner A and who's Partner B. Okay, Partner A is going to spend two minutes and they're going to share one item from their essence objects list. Okay, that works. The exercise you just did. Pick one object. Partner A, share for two minutes. Okay? Partner B, all you're going to do is listen, okay, don't have to say anything, okay, after two minutes, I'm going to say, switch partners. And then Partner B is going to share for two minutes on one of the essence objects. And then Partner A is just going to listen. And you might be wondering, well, what do we do? If, you know, we run out of stuff. To say, keep going. It's your two minutes. Keep sharing. You know, you can pick another essence object, actually, you know what? No, I want you to see how. I'm trying to make it super duper clear, I want you to stick with that one essence object and share for two minutes on it. So it's going to need to be one that you feel like you care enough about to say two minutes worth on see what I'm doing here. I'm trying to get them something that could lead to, you know, something that's essay worthy. Okay, ready any questions? And if you, you know, have done it correctly, there won't be any questions. Okay, pick a partner, and you got two minutes decide who's partner. A Go. Okay? So then, you know, then they jump into it. So making sure the task is super duper clear is going to help set them up for success. Sometimes counselors will complain, you know, well, my kids are just talking and they're, you know, they won't. They don't focus. Well, it could it be that that the task, what they're supposed to be doing, isn't, isn't 100% clear. So that's one another thing I love to do is specify how much time the exercise is going to last. And, you know, for example, I've given that, you know, eight minutes exercise. Or, you know, I've said, you know, eight minutes, you've got an eight minute break. And the reason I like to do weird times is that, I think that number one, it sticks in their minds more like, you know, when you're driving somewhere and it says the speed limit is 14 miles per hour, that somehow, like, it sticks in my mind. Or when I drive near the Grove Park Inn, near my home in Asheville, North Carolina where I was born, I think the speed limit is like, eight miles per hour, seven. And I'm like, oh. And so it sort of, you know, gets me out of my norm. And what I think that does is, you know, if I say 1010, minute break, then students will. Mean, oh, that's 15. Or if I say a 15 minute break, they're like, well, that's probably 20. But if I've said eight, and sometimes I'll say, I mean, eight, then, you know, I think I'm more likely to get them back in eight minutes. And I'll even play an eight minute transition song. So I'll say, when the music is done, you should be back here. So it's like musical chairs. The third thing I'll do is I'll actually assign a little less time than I think the exercise will take. Now, this is not for breaks, because I like to, you know, kind of keep to it on breaks. If I say eight minutes, I want to start, especially that first break is important. I want to start as soon as that eight minutes is up, so that they go, Oh, wow, he's really serious about this. Because I don't want breaks to as they can throughout the day or throughout a week. You know, tend to go longer and longer. I want to make sure. This is another tip. I want to make sure that I really hit that first whatever I say, it's going to be like if it's eight minutes, then eight minutes, I'm already started, even though people are walking into the room. The third thing, and this is when I'm leading an actual exercise, is that I'll assign a little less time than I think the exercise will take. So this is where I lie, a little bit. So I might say, for the values exercise, all right, pick your top 10 values, and now I want you to spend and I want you to spend two minutes doing it. So you've only got two minutes. Now, if I see that they're focused and they're writing, then I might extend by a little bit, you know, maybe it goes three minutes. So I'm, you know, kind of lying to them in that sense. But why do I do this? I want them to be leaning forward. This is what I've mentioned before when I set personal goals and deadlines for myself, like, you know, I want to have, let's say the content for this webinar created, you know, I'll try and set it, you know, a little bit ahead of time. So I'll say, you know, let's say I only needed to have it, have it ready in a week. I'll say I'm going to do it in three days, because then it has me sort of leaning forward a little bit and going, oh, I need to make sure I get this done. Now, I don't always do that. Sometimes I need to be kind with myself, but I find it works well in a workshop setting, then


I'll extend a few minutes if they're actively working. So I've said this already, and how do you know if they're actively working? Well, I say roam the room and listen. And in fact, another tip, I really encourage you to get support with this. You know, get a volunteer or another teacher or a counselor to be your eyes and ears. And I want to say something important about this. I'm not saying that this is somebody to be another, like disciplinarian, so somebody who's going around like arms crossed, like giving dirty looks, saying you should be working, because I don't want them to feel, you know, this is that problem of adultism, which I think is a huge issue, which is, like, the notion of, like, we are your monitors, and we know best, and you know you're, you are doing the thing, you know, I'm working all the time to create a sense of equality in the classroom, or the, you know, the workshop setting. And saying you should be doing this is not my favorite way of doing that, because then they're motivated by, like, what I was told to do, rather than something else that's more interesting and potentially even more motivating. But I do like to have somebody, you know, there present to just sort of helping me collect feedback, is the way I like to think of it. So if I notice that students are talking about, you know, volleyball practice later, I'm taking that as feedback and feedback, because I need to check in with myself. Did I make sure that the task was super duper clear? And if I, you know, assess, okay, did I make it clear? You know, I think I did. And other students seem to be working. Okay? Well, it could be that these guys are just unclear on what the assignment is. So I might go to a group and say, Hey, is it, you know? Is it clear what you you know? How's the exercise going for you? You know, something open ended, like that, just to kind of be curious about their experience, I find that when I'm triggered or kind of in response to them in a negative way, it's because I've made an assumption about the students, the student or students. So I'm kind of with, I'm approaching a student. I'm trying to check in with that assumption and see if I was right. And the student might say, Oh, we're sorry. We were just, you know, they'll go back to the assignment, or it could, they could say, oh, well, I'm done with this. You know, we're done. We already shared so and so, in which case I might say, Okay, well, and I'll give some something else to think about, to just try and re engage them and to let them know that, you know, this is a tight container running a tight ship here. So part of why I doing this stuff with the timing is in the interest of creating what I call a tight container, which is the students feel like, Hey, here's a well planned, well thought out thing. And you know, where there's there's a process here, and we need to stick to the process in order to get results. Now, there's some wiggle room within that, but I'm trying to send that message and having another teacher or counselor wander around and kind of, you know, give me a little nod when it's time to move on, you know, because that's, that's the other feedback I'm looking for. Is like, if a lot of students are, you know, distracted, it could be that it's because the end of the day and it's maybe time to move on to something else. And I'm sensing it is time to move on. So here's number six, if the students are not on task, I need to either re clarify the task or move on. And I've kind of already said that, so I'm going to move on. Don't leave the room during paired work. And I mean this physically, but I also mean emotionally, I guess. And this is maybe a no brainer, but there's just something that I've found with the students who I'm able to stay in the room with. And again, I mean this psychologically, but especially physically, if I leave the room for a few minutes to do something, whether it's go to the bathroom or take a phone call if I have to, you know, when I come back, there's, there's the, you know, the things are a little bit the container has been sort of broken in a way. So I try and. You know, do my bathroom breaks ahead of time, you know, if at all possible. And also, you know, I try and go on the breaks when they go because, you know, syncing up our schedules is really going to help. And also, same with food, like I try and sync up my food schedule so if I'm starting to get a little hungry, that's reminding me, okay, it might be time for a lunch break. If we're doing a long day or several days. I also encourage folks to not check their cell phone during the workshop, and I raise my hand and admit that I'm a hypocrite here. So I sometimes will do this, and I need to not do it, because what I what I've seen happen, and I saw this happen in Arizona last week, where you know, I know that I'm not supposed to check my cell phone during a workshop, but I did because I was thinking about something else, and I saw another student nearby me. She picked up her cell phone, and it just reminded me that, you know, when I check my cell phone, it reminds the students, hey, you have a cell phone and a life outside of here, and it maybe needs checking. And for the hour that we're together, I don't want them thinking about that, or the two hours, so I would avoid that. And then again, that's maybe a no brainer, but it's just something that's that's one of those specific things that's really present with me, because it came up with me last week. And then, you know, this is what I mentioned earlier, is the productive tangent. So, you know, even though, on my, you know, I'll map out to the minute, like, what I want students to be doing, and I'll say, Hey, we're going to be doing this for the next two minutes, I'm still trying to leave room for the productive tangent. And what do I mean by this? Well, there have been times where I've had a plan to do a certain thing during a workshop, but let's say, during the break, a student said, Hey, can I ask you a question? I say, Sure, and I hear the student sharing about, you know, something that's going on for them, and either a it's like, wow, this is an amazing story. Could you Could I work with you a little bit after the break, like in front of the group, and just do a, like, a live counseling session so that they could learn how to structure their stories. Or, you know, a question that a student is asking is like, Oh, this is a really good point. This is something that other students may be struggling with. And so after the break, I'll say, hey, you know, does anybody else is anybody else struggling with this? And if nobody else is then you say to the I say to the student, like, let's talk more right after the workshop. Or, you know, it could say, hey, well, let's, let's work on this then. So it could be that, that productive tangent. So, you know, I did this at a workshop last year. You know, had counseled a student live, and it was, it was a pretty powerful experience, I think, for the for the student, and for the for the others. And this was right before we were getting ready to do the paired sharing. So I decided to do a live counseling session, and it showed students, you know, here's how to to listen to your partner. So that was useful. So anyway, I say this, you know, here are the tracks, here are the rails, here's the script. Even, having said that, you know, what's going to happen in the room is going to be much more interesting than the map. You know, there's that saying in counseling that the map is not the territory. So even though I might have a map carefully drawn up, sometimes, you know this, sometimes that map is actually going to lead me astray. Sometimes, like GPS doesn't work, because there's something else that's happening live right in front of me that's actually much more interesting. And if I'm defaulting back to my plan, well, no, I said I was going to get this done, I might be missing out on something much more useful. Let me put it that way, much more useful and just much more potentially life changing. Okay, so just a few words on the essay workshop in a box. Basically, I found that I was repeating myself a lot in one on one sessions with my students, so I wondered, you know, how much of this could actually be automated? Isn't quite the right word, but you know, how could I basically give students resources, and, like, a bunch of students resources, so they could do, you know, have the experience of a one on one session, but, you know, online and, you know, essentially this, I was hoping to give this to students so it would free us up in the one on one sessions to really get the best of me, so I wouldn't have to do all the informational stuff. So I created this program. It's online. If you go to college, essay guy.com/counselors, and just click essay workshop in a box, it's right there. It's got 29 modules. I just shared three of the modules so far, lessons in you know, how to help students find their topic, their structure, how to know if the essay is doing its job, which is kind of a provocative thing to say, because it's like, Wait, what is the job of the college essay? Exercises that work in large groups. So for, you know, this is really for high school counselors who try to manage a big case load, and one on one, you know students, you know independent counselors who have a small caseload. This works for for one on one. You can check out more at, like I said, college essay guide.com/counselors, and then I've got this counselor training program that I created that I'm really excited about, and I'm doing a live version. I'll probably do one live version each year, and then I'll make a recorded version and put that online. And basically anybody who signs up for the live one, if you can't make any of the dates, you can just get the recordings, like 24 hours after I record it live, I'll send out. A recording of it, if metaphorically, if you think of the essay workshop in a box as giving you the the map and the boat to sail on, the counselor training program teaches you how to sail. I cover a ton of stuff in the workshop, everything from, you know when you're using music, like, when how loud music should be, how to fuel a four day workshop so that students don't get super tired of things. I've got some new exercises I'm developing, including, you know, using Myers Briggs in the process, an exercise called what I see in you. It's got a weekly practicum and a Q A each day. So anyway, check it out. College essay guy.com/counselors, and I hope to connect with more of you in the future. Thanks so much. Thanks for listening to the podcast. If you want to find out more about the essay workshop in a box or the counselor training program, just go to college essay guide.com/counselors or you can find more info in the show notes and go out and have an amazing day. How about that? Bye. You.


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