705: On Becoming: The Art and Craft of Personal Storytelling (Ep 5: The Stains on My Baseball Pants) with Kaila Barber

Kaila Barber (00:00)
you

Ethan Sawyer (00:02)
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Hi friends, and welcome back to our series on becoming the art and craft of personal storytelling. This is a series where we look closely at personal essays written by real students, not AI. We talk about why we love them, what makes the essays work, and how they came to be. In this episode, we break down an essay on, wait for it, baseball. Wait, what? Aren't you supposed to not write about common sports and extracurricular activities in your personal statement? Well, in some cases, yes, writing about

Common sports can blend in, but there are some different things that this student does in their essay that really helps it stand out and helps the student show different sides of who they are. To talk with me about what techniques this student used is Kayla Barber, who besides being a professional athlete is also an essay coach at CEG and has been for several years and is our associate director of one-on-one essay coaching. In this episode, we cover tips for standing out with a common topic.

We talk about how to weave a challenge into an essay without having it dominate the whole story. And we share one specific technique for writing a great ending. If you're the kind of person who likes seeing how things get made, whether it's a great meal or a film scene or a piece of writing, I think you'll like this one. Kayla has been helping students prepare for college in various capacities since 2018. After graduating from Notre Dame with a master's in global health,

a bachelor's in pre-professional science and a minor in education, schooling and society, Kayla decided to serve her local school district as an educational assistant. For two years, she worked closely with students who had learning differences, tailoring lesson plans and materials to better suit their needs. She enjoys walking side by side with students, guiding them through their memories and insights while they discover new ways to make meaning from their lives that can be highlighted in creative and compelling essays. Hope you enjoy.

Hi, Kayla. Welcome to the podcast.

Kaila Barber (02:09)
Hi, thanks for having me today. I'm excited to be here.

Ethan Sawyer (02:12)
Yeah, me too. So I'd love for you to share just a little context about this essay or this student or whatever feels alive for you in terms of context.

Kaila Barber (02:24)
Okay. So this was a student I worked with two or three, no, three or four years ago. Very funny, witty, had a lot of like small jokes that he'd put into his conversations here and there, just like a really fun person to talk to and just to get to know. And I think that he had a really positive outlook on life. And the personal statement he wanted to write about was going to be about baseball. I don't always

enjoy sports essays, but I do think that the way that he talked about baseball and the way that he intertwined it with some of his stuff was more uncommon than what you'd see. wasn't a missing the winning catch for a game and it wasn't getting hurt. It was something else and he was able to weave in a lot of his values and admissions and nutrients and insights into it because he wanted to be creative in his approach. Baseball was really important to him.

It was in a lot of different parts of his application. so this was kind of using it in his personal statement was like a nice bow tie way to show how meaningful this sport was to him and different elements of his life.

Ethan Sawyer (03:34)
Yeah, and I just want to offer context from folks who may be listening. It's like, when you hear Kayla say this, it's coming from an athlete. Like, Kayla is an athlete. So it's like, I mean, for you, I just make up that it's not like you're like, hey, deny this athlete part of you. is there some way that we, what I'm hearing you say, is there some way that we can share this aspect of you in a way that isn't going to sound like every other student?

Kaila Barber (04:00)
Exactly. I want to remind students when they are writing about track or baseball or something else, a lot of students are playing that sport. And so a lot of people get hurt or lose a game or make a mistake. But I think that there are a lot of great lessons that we learn from sports, a lot of different communities we get to be a part of. And so you don't have to deny this part of yourself in your application. You can talk about it in a way that is very genuine and authentic to who you are.

Ethan Sawyer (04:29)
Yeah, and I think it's what I love in what you're saying is there's a, it's not like a no that you're giving students or that we're giving students. It's a yes, but. It's a yes, you can write about.

Kaila Barber (04:41)
Yes, but. ⁓

Ethan Sawyer (04:44)
Right, right. All right. So I think that's great context. this is, so heads up for y'all, this will be a sports essay in some sense, but it's also about some other things. And I'd love to just let folks hear it as a piece first as a lovely story. So would you be willing to just read it and then we'll talk about it?

Kaila Barber (05:03)
Of I can read it. Let me make this. It's doomed in way more. Hey, where's that Asian catcher? Running to the field, that was the first thing I heard from Coach. We all wear the same uniform except I wear gear to protect the umpire, guide my pitcher and lead the team. I don't blend in. In all the East Coast tournaments the states travel to, there's rarely a familiar face. While Coach explains his plan, his words echo in my head. Is my race that distinguishable?

Coach's words begin to fade as something catches my eye, my stained filled pants. The newest stain from my pregame kimbap meal rests on my thigh like a kaleidoscope outlined by a black ring. My usual go-to dinner of thin seaweed with sticky rice, marinated Korean beef and colorful veggies remind me of my grandparents. Whenever Nana visits, she would cook and share her life stories.

As a child, I'd sit next to her during her kimbap making sessions, listening intently to how my Korean and Vietnamese grandparents fled poverty and the Vietnam War. Years later, as I'm sitting around the table with my family making kimbap, a tradition I love, I answer my sister's questions about our family, just as Nana answered mine. I remind my sister to be like the unexpectedly thin but strong seaweed and leave her comfort zone to make new friends. The dirt stains are the most faded on my pants.

Chasing the feeling of belonging, I always thought I had to be the best player. Do I yell plays without having my voice crack, make no errors as I command the field standing two inches taller than thanks to my cleats? Many times this was intimidating, trying to be comfortable in an uncomfortable setting. But as time progressed, I learned to overcome those challenges. Instead of using negative Asian stereotypes as an excuse to step away from the game, I used them as motivation to excel and create a space for myself.

My ethnicity still differentiates me, but now it's something that I take pride in. I want to advocate for anyone trying to enter new spaces where they may not seem to fit in, whether advising my peers to join different clubs or helping my sister find new hobbies. Next to the dirt marks, an eye-black blotch lies on my left leg, courtesy of my brother. Eye-black reduces sunglasses to provide better vision, but for me, it has improved my sense of clarity off the field.

As the oldest of three, I guide my younger brother with navigating friendships, chores, and even warning him of our high school's forbidden second floor bathroom, something I unfortunately had to learn for myself. I'm also booba to my little sister, who at two years old, couldn't pronounce Oopa, big brother in Korean, so booba stuck. To this day, I can still recite her favorite book, Good Night Moon by Memory. My back still hurts when I think of the time spent hunched over playing Barbie with her.

Taking on the role of being my parents' pilot wasn't always welcomed. The pressure of acting as the blueprint and always being held accountable for my actions was overwhelming at times. However, I came to understand that my experiences were new not only to myself, but my parents. How each class, hobby, and lesson learned helps us both create a guide for my siblings. I hope I'm a person my family looks up to, even when losing to a last-minute, rule-free, sword fight involving a black eye. Coach finishes and I look up.

This time, familiar faces come into sight. I see my friends and my family ready to cheer me on. I even notice my English teacher in the stands. I play the game with the stains of my life never to be washed. If my pants have taught me anything, it's that my life events have imprinted on me and that I should try to be less messy.

There it is, folks.

Ethan Sawyer (08:40)
I love it. I love that ending. The self-effacing humor is so nice. And it goes back to that humor that you're mentioning that it seems to point to this author's personality a little bit. What do you notice as you read through it here for however the teens time? What's coming up for you as you read it?

Kaila Barber (09:02)
You know, as I was reading it earlier, I love the fact that this student does a really good job of balancing showing and telling throughout the essay. think that sometimes we might tell too much in an essay, but this student, especially in his first body paragraph, is talking about the thin seaweed with sticky rice and the marinated Korean beef. And he's really showing us things like culture and close connections with family and storytelling and stuff like that tradition.

And then he has a sentence that says, years later, as I'm sitting around the table with my family making kimbap, a tradition I love, I answer my sister's questions, yada, yada, yada. But he's then, he's implying certain values and showing us. And then he directly states what he wants us to walk away from this paragraph knowing. And I think that doing that gives the admission officer and the reader some freedom to let their mind wander and come up with their own conclusions. And then we also say, and this is definitely what I want you to know from this.

Ethan Sawyer (10:01)
Paragraph. In case there was any doubt, yeah, totally. It's like, yeah, there can be no doubt. And I even like the order of it, that the show comes first and then there's like the tell. So if someone is skimming and they're like, you know, don't know, or feeling like wanting to get to, okay, what is this about? Then those pieces are in it. And I, yeah, I see that too. The sort of the explicit naming of the things. know, one of the things that I appreciate about this essay is that

Baseball is more of a theme. It's sort of in the background and there is relatively little word, you know, word count, word budget devoted to baseball. You know, it's, it's sort of pivots to being about something different. You know, these stains, there's the stain from the Kim Bapmul, the dirt stains from, you know, the most faded on my pants. And there's the eye black blotch. I'd love to hear about how that came to be. How did it?

How did it go from baseball to being about stains?

Kaila Barber (11:01)
I think, you know, this, this, the student as we were going through the brainstorming exercises and it became clear that baseball was really important. We talked about different ways that we could use a montage structured essay. So that way we would have baseball in the background without overpowering the reader. didn't, I didn't want us to go down the rabbit hole of talking about particular moments that he's been playing baseball.

or like particular moments with just his baseball team that we would then hyper focus on. And so I think that, you know, showing him a few examples of how a montage essay could be, or even a hybrid essay, and talking through how we can use these different stains to then actually pivot to different parts of his life, it really, clicked for him and it made the most sense because yes, baseball was extremely important and you could see it in his activities list and in his supplemental essays. But like I,

Like I said earlier, baseball allowed him to join so many different communities and he wasn't just a baseball player. was someone who was providing lessons like for underserved communities and fundraising. And he was also doing other parts, like different parts of baseball to make it a community building thing rather than someone simply playing the sport. I'm sorry, that was a long roundabout answer, but it was, great. Because of the brainstorming, we were able to figure out that baseball

really did connect to a lot of different parts of who he is.

Ethan Sawyer (12:27)
Yeah. And for folks listening who maybe this is your first time listening to the podcast, this term montage basically refers to an essay theme. And in this case, there are several themes, but I'm taking the theme to be something like the stains on my uniform and I'm seeing you nodding. yeah, it seems like, seems like I'm sort of on the right track here. And essentially it's each of the stains reveals some new aspect of the student's life.

And then when Kayla, when you're saying hybrid, just so that folks sort of know what we're talking about there, a hybrid is when there's like, the theme is continuing, but maybe the student weaves in a challenge that they faced, which I see happening here. There is a challenge that's named, you know, and there are a couple of different versions of it. could say, well, actually you tell me like, how is it that you like, what conversation do you remember having with a student about how to bring in this aspect of challenge surrounding identity or

belonging into the essay.

Kaila Barber (13:28)
I think that, excuse me, happened a little bit more organically because originally we had a different paragraph in this personal statement that was talking about a conversation he had with his parents about him quitting baseball and not wanting to do it anymore because it was so stressful and, you know, the fact that he doesn't necessarily look like all the people in the field. And so because we

gave ourselves time to explore that path and talk about the challenge of what it was like talking with his parents and how you can have an adult conversation as a 17-year-old. realized that we didn't actually want that to be a focus of the essay. so then kind of having the essay open and close with this idea of not being like everybody and then realizing that there's still a sense of community at the very end of the essay made more sense for us.

And so I think having that book ending and the shift in perspective from the beginning of the essay to the end still implies that there was a challenge, but we didn't want to dive into too much of the challenge because there was so much more to the student than the challenges of not looking like the other people on the baseball team or maybe not being quite as similar because he had so many different, unique parts of himself.

Ethan Sawyer (14:42)
Right. And that thing that you're pointing to there about he had so many different, you know, unique or uncommon parts of himself is what I love about this structure is that the essay doesn't then depend upon how focus on this particular challenge and overcoming it and have to sort of be mind-blowingly, you know, insightful or, you unique. Sometimes students kind of will get caught up in that sense of like, I've experienced this challenge, but many people have experienced this challenge.

And so if you can kind of blend it with something else that the reader maybe hasn't seen, in this case, like stains on my uniform, it can give it that uncommon, you know, that little bit of unfamiliarity that can intrigue the reader of like, okay, I don't quite know how this is going to go in terms of the different stains, allowing for that latitude to talk about different sides while still bringing that depth of overcoming a challenge in this case, you know, developing a deeper sense of pride or embracing of self. It's really lovely. So

In terms of the different stains, we've got the Kimbop stain, we've got the dirt stains, we've got the eye black blotch. Like tell me about how the process of like coming up with what each of these stains represent. How did, how did that go?

Kaila Barber (15:52)
I'm trying to recall if it was just in one session or moment. I think he may have either been preparing for a game or coming back from the game and was talking about the stains. And it just, it made sense in that moment that this could be our thing that we latch onto and use. And I think before we actually picked the stains that we wanted to use, we went through and talked more about what was meaningful for him to include because

you have different parts of the application. His activities list was a lot of baseball things showing different sides of himself. His supplemental essays, even for YS essays, we were able to incorporate some baseball. And so we looked at his application and kind of decided knowing what the supplemental essays would show and his activities list would show the other parts of who he is that we needed to have in his personal statement. And so it was really important for him to have family, culture, tradition, and

And I think that that bleeds through it. was for him, this student, he was coming to an understanding of community and what community meant to him and how we could find it elsewhere. And so we tried to have that be the main focus of the essay was, you know, seeing community in his family, seeing community and how he is like a community builder, making sure that people feel like they have a space in the second body paragraph. And then the third body paragraph is again, back to his family. But I think

once we knew what we wanted to talk about, it was easy for him to pick a stain because he had lived those experiences. He already knew that his brother had wiped the eye blotch, the black eye blotch on his pants, that he had already had the kimbap spilled on his pants before he went to practice because he was making it. those were all very real details. I think because those were actually

legitimate stains on his baseball pants, it was easy for him to make a connection back to a different part of his life.

Ethan Sawyer (17:51)
I love what you're saying here, because it seems like when students are going through this process, sometimes, and I'll put this like an air quotes, like the stains come first. And sometimes it's like the parts of the self come first and then you like connect them to stains. And what I mean by this is like when you're using this montage structure, you can either start from like the object or the thing that you're talking about. And sometimes you can be like, all right, I've got all these things I want to say about myself. How do I interweave them? How do I connect them? Would you say that?

for this essay, it was like the stains came first and then there was meaning making happening about the individual stains? Or was it more like the student had like three or four things that they wanted to share and then it was like, ⁓ the stains could connect to those three or four things. Like, how did it go for the student? Was it more like the stains came first or was it more like the parts of themself came first?

Kaila Barber (18:44)
Yeah, the parts of the student, like he knew what he wanted to talk about. Those things were clear to him. And so it was up to him to decide the different stains that made sense. And so when he was running late to baseball practice and dropped some food on his lap, he was able to recognize which stain made sense to go with which memory he had. And while

While he was going through this process, working on this essay, rather than focus on making sure that the transitions made absolute sense right away, he really focused on the body paragraph and the content that he wanted to show. And he spent a lot of time massaging and revising and over and over revising. And closer towards the end of the process, when he was closer to having a finished essay, that's when he really started to focus on the transitions, making sure that how he talked about

the stain and how he played off of his words and made sense for the content in every body paragraph. So yes, he knew what he wanted to say and then focused on the nitty gritty wording things later on in the season.

Ethan Sawyer (19:52)
I'd love to just talk about each of these for a minute. So there's the newest stain that he starts off with from pregame kimbap. Talks about his usual go-to dinner. And then he segues into saying, whenever Nana visits, she would cook and share her life stories. As a child, I'd sit next to her during her kimbap making sessions, listening to how my Korean and Vietnamese grandparents fled poverty in the Vietnam War. Years later, as I'm sitting around the table with my family making kimbap, a tradition I love, I answer my sister's questions about our family.

Just as Nana answered mine, I love that moment where it's like, it's a form of leadership to me, like being the, you know, the heritage carrier and passing it along. He says, I remind my sister to be like the unexpectedly thin, but strong seaweed and leave her comfort zone to make new friends. What do you, what do you notice about this paragraph?

Kaila Barber (20:43)
You know, one thing I really like about this paragraph is it's a role reversal for this student. At one point, he was the little kid sitting there watching his grandmother do this. And at the end, he's the person, you know, really leading, like you said, he's a leader and he's really taking charge of this process. And he's passing on these stories to his sister and he's reminding her to step out of her comfort zone. And so I think that this role reversal for him actually highlights a

growth for him and change. And so he doesn't directly state that he's changed as a person, but we can see it based on how he is now in a different position in the same type of moment. And I think that, you know, having examples like this, everyone can understand what he's saying. It's relatable, it's personal, and it's specific enough to this student that you can envision it without seeing any other student in this position, just based on the way that he wrote this

paragraph to begin.

Ethan Sawyer (21:41)
Yeah, I love what you're pointing to here. It's subtle, but the technique is like, imagine a before and after shot. Before, I was this, and after, this. And it's a simple, almost like two sentence way of showing maturation. I think there may be like three sentences here. Yeah, I love that too. The next paragraph reads, the dirt stains are the most faded on my pants. Chasing the feeling of belonging, I always thought I had to be the best player. Do I yell plays out without having my voice crack?

Make no errors as I command the field standing two inches taller thanks to my cleats. Many times it was intimidating trying to be comfortable in an uncomfortable setting. But as time progressed, I learned to overcome those challenges. Instead of using negative Asian stereotypes as an excuse to step away from the game, I use them as motivation to excel and create a space for myself. My ethnicity still differentiates me, but now it's something that I take pride in. I want to advocate for anyone trying to enter new spaces where they may not seem to fit in.

whether advising my peers to join different clubs or helping my sister find new hobbies. This is that hybrid moment that we talked about where it's like, it's continuing the theme of stains, but we see the little challenge that the student has worked to overcome here. And again, there's like change here. What do you notice? What do you see in this paragraph?
Kaila Barber (23:00)
Okay, so this might be one of my favorite paragraphs. And I realized that we're doing a lot of telling rather than showing. But the reason why I like this is because for this particular student, this paragraph, like, it very much aligned with the message he was showing at a supplemental essays. He was talking about providing baseball lessons to underserved communities and what it was like fundraising and collecting money.

And in those essays and even in the activities list, he was talking about how he carved out space for others. And so we get all of that juicy information in detail and the other parts of his application, but he still has a nod to it here. And I think that doing that kind of reminds the admissions officer or the reader like, hey, this is something that I've already shown and I really think it's important for you to remember. so.

We don't really show as much here, but I do think that because we have a little bit of that element of the challenge and the fact that the student didn't always feel like he belonged in the baseball field, that it's now playing into other parts of his life where he's then being a community builder and a space maker for people throughout his community. And I think that's something that, you know, when you're going off to college, this might be something that a university is looking for. It just depends. But for this particular student, that's a skill that he can bring. And

The fact that he's able to show that and then weave it in and kind of tie it to other parts of his application was something that we were both really excited about. And it was a good reminder for the two of us that we didn't have to put every single thing into our personal statement. We can leave it for other parts of the application. So that's something they really enjoyed in this. And I wanted to call it out because no one would know that unless they read his other pieces of work. So that's what I enjoyed.

Ethan Sawyer (24:52)
I love that you use the term space maker, because I really see that here as a role that the student is claiming and also giving evidence of. And it's sort of hinting at other parts of the application. See activities list or see other essay. But if the previous paragraph is something like culture carrier or bridge builder between generations, this one to me seems like something like space maker. There's also something about like, I don't know what the

what we'd call this role or identity, but it's someone who's like, for whom the space making has been hard won, meaning like it wasn't something that he like was born with of like, I just want to make space for people. was like, Hey, I needed to learn how to create space for myself, you know, chasing this feeling of belonging. And it was through that experience and not having that thing, finding it for myself that I now want to create it for others. And that's, think important and useful context. And I think it's just,

it's put in just such, you know, it's put in like, what is it, four sentences here. I think oftentimes students will think, I want to make that my whole essay. And that's, that can work, but it could also just be a paragraph. You know, it doesn't have to be the dominates the whole essay where it's about, I didn't feel belonging and then I had this experience and now I create belong for others. You can also do it in a paragraph related to a dirt stain on the, on your baseball pants. So it feels like a very efficient use of the

of the word count here.

Kaila Barber (26:23)
Yeah, I think when we originally had this paragraph, it was a little bit longer and we did talk about different ways that it made sense for him to trim things down and what he didn't need to show and what he should elaborate more on. So that way the paragraph, you know, you had as much bang for your buck as possible, but he really had to work on massaging this section and really bringing forth certain elements of it. So that way it was just clear enough that we got the point across.

But so that way he wasn't using too much of the word count in this paragraph.

Ethan Sawyer (26:57)
Yeah. So there's another roller identity in the next paragraph connected to this eye black blotch. And for those of you who aren't sure what this means, if you've watched baseball or even football and you see they have those black marks under their eyes, it's done with like this. Imagine like a big chapstick that's black and you know, that's what they rub under their eyes. I want to read this one and let's talk about what new is revealed here next to the dirt marks.

The author says, an eye black blotch lies on my left leg courtesy of my brother. Eye black reduces sun glare to provide better vision. But for me, it has improved my sense of clarity off the field. Love that. So here's like the literal context setting thing that this thing does. But then boom, we pivot to off the field, which side note is just such a good move for sports essays. You know, these little off ramps into like talk to me about off the field.

As the oldest of three, he writes, I guide my younger brother with navigating friendships, chores, and even warning him of our high school's quote unquote, forbidden second floor bathroom. Something I unfortunately had to learn for myself. I'm also booba to my little sister who at two years old couldn't pronounce oppa big brother in Korean. So booba stuck to this day. I can still recite her favorite book. Good night moon by memory. My back still hurts when I think of the time spent hunched over playing Barbie with her.

So yeah, what's new here? What do you notice?

Kaila Barber (28:26)
I didn't notice this until I read this today, but it finally clicked for me. The reason why I really resonate with this, even the next paragraph, is because there's a nurturing side of the student that comes out. They're talking about reciting Goodnight Moon to their sister and playing Barbies with her. And so, I think that sometimes for young men, it can be difficult to express and articulate this more like

not caring side, but this more, for lack of a better word, nurturing side. And the way that he does this where, you know, he's telling his brother about the bathroom to avoid and, you know, helping play with his little sister. Those are like little specific details that provide a glimpse into what he's like at home and what he can be like with other people that are around him that I don't think that you...

would get usually from sports essays. And I think that, like I said before, can be harder for younger men to articulate. So I do like this because it's more of that warm, cushy feeling. And this was a paragraph that he was really into. I could tell just by talking with him that he really loved his family. And to go back to it and to explain what it meant for him to be an older brother was something unique to experience.

Ethan Sawyer (29:52)
Yeah. And if you, if you just think of the building blocks of this quote unquote baseball essay, and we've acknowledged that it's not quite a baseball essay, but in some ways it is a baseball essay. Like the building blocks we have so far, if we talk about the Kimbop stains is like, okay, connection to culture, the students culture, the dirt stains are connected to like chasing a feeling of belonging and you know, navigating Asian stereotypes as the student puts it here. And then in this paragraph about who the role that this student plays in their family, like

you know, we talk about making uncommon connections. So, you know, the typical baseball essay is going to talk about, you know, discipline, hard work, perseverance. Here, the students like, I'm talking about culture and I'm talking about belonging and creating a space of belonging for others. And I'm talking about, you know, this role in my family as a leader with my, with my younger siblings. And like you said, this nurturing quality. And those to me are building blocks. And if you can kind of take

a common topic and connect it to things that we may not expect, values that might be more unexpected. And, you know, I don't think every essay has to do this, but I'm really loving the vulnerability of overcoming some particular challenge. I think that's what starts to make this feel more uncommon.

Kaila Barber (31:06)
And I do think that this student, as he was going through and revising this, did a beautiful job of reminding himself that if you say you're a baseball player or you're in robotics, there are going to be values and assumptions. There are going to be connections that the reader is going to automatically make. If you are a catcher on the baseball team and you

We know that you're leading the field and doing certain things. So you don't have to necessarily state those values. And so he trusted in the process and allowed himself to highlight some of those softer skills because he knew that he didn't have to show them because certain things would already be associated with being an athlete.

Ethan Sawyer (31:51)
So you mentioned that second to last paragraph, there's some nice subtle stuff here that I want to highlight or I want, and I want only hear what you think too, because it's, it's, there's an interesting phrase here, my parents pilot. And I want to hear more about that. So here's the paragraph for folks who are just hearing those for the second time, taking on the role of being my parents pilot, wasn't always welcomed. The pressure of acting as the blueprint and always being held accountable for my actions was overwhelming at times. However,

I came to understand that my experiences were new not only to myself, but my parents. How each class, hobby, and lesson learned helps us both create a guide for my siblings. I hope I'm a person my family looks up to, even when losing to a last-minute rule-free sword fight involving iBlack. So talk to us about this paragraph. In particular, I'm curious about this phrase, you know, taking on the role of being my parents' pilot wasn't always welcome.

Give us a behind the scenes here.

Kaila Barber (32:52)
Yeah, so for this student, he's the oldest brother and there are certain assumptions. And I think when, you know, adults have kids, they say things like, my kid's going to do this and my kid will never do that. And so for him being that child and having to go through and kind of, you know, fit his parents' expectations, but also sometimes fall short, that was challenging for him.

It was also challenging for his parents who had certain ideas on what should happen. And I think he does a really solid job of discussing what it's like being the older sibling and kind of he hints at it earlier talking about reading the good night moon and playing Barbies with the sister and stuff. But he's talking about being an older brother and realizing that

This was his, it's his first time on the planet. It's all of our first times, but it's also his parents' first time parenting someone and they're gonna make mistakes. And rather than being resentful or holding some sort of animosity, he understood that this was their first time raising a child and they're bound to make mistakes. And he was happy to be the guide for his younger siblings. And I think that to talk about being an older brother in that loving light,

was just wonderful. He did a really good job of finding that beautiful thread to highlight. He was a great student, but I do think that the way that he talks about being an older brother is something that I don't usually hear. You hear about the youngest sibling and the middle sibling, but I think that his take on being the oldest sibling was refreshing.

Ethan Sawyer (34:36)
Yeah, yeah, there's a particular perspective taking that the student is doing. And I want to name that like, if, you know, say you're a student going through this process and there is something or you're tempted to like share resentment or to blame somebody, parents, coach, teacher, et cetera. If there's the next move, which you're talking about, Kayla, which is like to go, okay, why might someone be this way or be doing this particular thing?

And that particular ⁓ meta perspective and like the exercise of doing that can just side note life skill, like just a good one, but relaying that or relating specifically like what you were able to glean from that kind of perspective taking with somebody that might've, you know, you might've felt pressure from, or might've felt, you know, X particular negative thing from, I think is really a beautiful way to show maturity. And

the kind of student that I colleges are looking for is like somebody who's willing to step outside of their own bubble and think, okay, I'm interacting, interfacing with somebody else. They're behaving towards me in a certain way. Why might that be? And just to take that breath and that space intellectually, and then let us know what you, once you've done that, what gifts, if you come back, what realizations, and then give us that. Cause that to me is like, okay, I see that you're someone who can zoom out.

And yeah, there's like a real sense of excitement that I have for him. like, I want to, I want to like, you know, know who the student's going to be. I imagine the student's going to be a bridge builder, someone who's going to be able to be a liaison on campus, for instance, because they're be able to do this perspective taking. Let's take look at the ending and then we'll talk about it. Coach finishes and I look up. This time familiar faces come into sight. I see my friends and family ready to cheer me on. I even noticed my English teacher in the stands. I play the game.

with the stains of my life never to be washed. If my pants have taught me anything, it's that my life events have imprinted on me and that I should try to be less messy. So what do you notice here?

Kaila Barber (36:49)
I think you mentioned like this meta view and zooming out and realizing that there are other things going on and like being able to speak about that. And I think that jumping to the ending then when he's talking about, look up and I see familiar faces come into sight and he notices all the people that are there supporting him, including his English teacher. I think that does a nice job again of zooming out for the student and noticing that even though

at the beginning of the essay, they didn't feel like they fit in or they didn't feel like they belong, that there are people, their community is there and that there are different communities all coming together for this game. have school and friends and family community. And so I think that the student kind of, he's talking about and zooming out in just a different way now as he wrapped up the essay, but I really, really love this ending, especially the stains of my life. Wow. Just.

It's such a nice little bow tie moment and a nice little book ending that the student was able to do. And I think that once again, talking about, you know, your life events, they then printed on me. He's kind of reminding the reader here, like, these are my lived experiences that make me who I am. They inform my decisions. And I do like that he ends with that I should be less messy. He was such a funny student. And so to have a little bit of that humor.

just sprinkled in throughout. It was a nice touch that he was able to do.

Ethan Sawyer (38:18)
I love it too. love and just for folks who because I didn't read the opening a second time I want to reread the just the opening so that you can hear the start of that book and ending a book and it's just sort of like something is set up in the opening that we come back to at the end. The essay begins. Hey, where's that Asian catcher running to the field? That was the first thing I heard from coach. We all wear the same uniform except I wear gear to protect the empire guide my picture and lead the team. I don't blend in.

In all the East Coast tournaments and states travel to, there's rarely a familiar face. So I'm highlighting that last one. There's rarely a familiar face at the end of the essay. You know, the student says they look up and they see familiar faces come into sight. And then that last part of the opening says, while coach explains his plan, his words echo in my head is my race that distinguishable? So there's this question that launches the essay. Coach's words begin to fade as something catches my eye, my stain filled pants.

So there's like the zoom in moment. So at the beginning, where's that Asian catcher? There's sort of like a stereotype, a sort of general thing. It launches a question for him, a question around race, belonging, identity, the stains in his pants. We zoom in, we take this journey and then we zoom out, come back, like you said, and then the student is sort of accepting of these stains and what they represent. And then, gosh, there's that beautiful, so there's this like sincere embracing of it. My life events have imprinted on me. Like here's the so what.

what the stands represent. And then also there's this self-effacing humor, I should be less messy, which to me is so endearing. I love it when an essay is just using a little bit of self-effacing humor. It lets me know the student isn't gonna take themselves so seriously, is willing to laugh at themselves. And it just lets me in here. And it doesn't undermine. In fact, it just gives more air. And I'm like, not only is this someone who can be quote unquote serious and be vulnerable.

but also somebody that I could probably laugh with. Kayla, what do you hope students will take away from this process?

Kaila Barber (40:21)
I hope that students are not afraid as you go through this process. I don't want you to be afraid of picking the right or wrong personal statement topic. There are a lot of different topics you can choose and a lot of different paths you can take for your personal statement. It's really a matter of the values and the insight and the qualities and the admissions nutrients that you show. And those are all things that all of you have. It's just a matter of putting it on your pen to paper. It's just a matter of getting it down.

I picked this essay because it does talk about baseball a little bit, but it's still a common topic. And I want you all to know that, you know, it is okay to pick certain topics. Talk about it in a way that's genuine and authentic to you. Talk about it in a way that's specific to you. Get those little details on nuggets in. The readers are looking for things like that. They're looking to figure out who you'll be in, you know, on campus, in your dorm room.

They're curious as to how you've made meaning from your life. And so if you take the time to think about your lived experiences, what's truly important to you and what you want them to know about you, then you'll be fine.

Ethan Sawyer (41:31)
beautiful. Thanks so much for spending time with me and thanks for all of your amazing work with students. I really appreciate you.

Kaila Barber (41:39)
Yeah,

thanks for having me, it's been wonderful.

Ethan Sawyer (41:45)
Thanks friends, as ever, for listening. You'll find the show notes at collegeessayguy.com slash podcast, including the text of this essay. So if you want, you can read it for yourself. If you're interested in more from us, you can sign up for anything at collegeessayguy.com and we'll share with you our latest resources, upcoming free live events, and lots more. Thanks so much and stay curious.