Show Notes
Today’s episode kicks off a new series, Inside the Application. Ethan is joined by Cassidy, a current high school senior who is working on her college applications for the Fall 2025 term. Ethan and Cassidy will be walking step-by-step through the college application process as it unfolds this school year. In episode 1, they get into:
How did Cassidy approach brainstorming and outlining for her personal statement?
What brainstorming activities helped Cassidy pick her topic?
Cassidy’s first draft of her personal statement
Ethan’s suggestions for revision
And more
This series will also be different in that, normally, we share episodes-in-a-series consecutively. For these, we’re releasing them pretty much as we record them, so you’ll notice them interspersed among other topics we’ll be covering.
Stay tuned for future episodes where Ethan and Cassidy continue the conversation! They’ll revisit her personal statement, talk about supplemental essays, go over how Cassidy developed her college list, and even talk a little bit about the activities list and the additional information section. We’ll continue to check in with Cassidy to see how things are going, and you’ll find out how it turned out a few months from now.
Cassidy is a current high school student going through the college application process. She lives in the Bay Area, loves ballet, knows a lot about Biology, and identifies as a “yapper”—more on that in our conversation.
We hope you enjoy!
Play-by-Play
2:57 – Getting to know Cassidy through her brainstorming materials
3:27 – Cassidy’s social identities
4:29 – Cassidy’s values
7:05 – Cassidy’s superpower
8:12 – Cassidy’s islands of personality
8:40 – What were some of the topics Cassidy considered for her essay?
13:51 – Cassidy walks through her essay outline and examples
16:01 – How did outlining make things easier for Cassidy?
18:48 – Cassidy reads the first draft of her personal statement
22:42 – Cassidy shares her thoughts on her draft
26:04 – Ethan gives feedback
39:18 – Ethan shares suggestions for the next draft
41:52 – Closing thoughts
Resources
Show transcript
Ethan Sawyer 0:08
Hey friends, and welcome back to the podcast. So we're doing something a little different today. And let me tell you where this is coming from. I've been asked off and on throughout the years to do a sort of walk through, like an eight to Z walk through of like, where a student starts when they have no idea what they're writing about to like, what does a finished application look like? And I haven't been sure how to do it or even which student to do it with until now. So in a few minutes, you'll meet Cassidy. Cassidy is a student that I met just recently in one of my online courses, and I loved the idea that she came up with and I was gonna send her some feedback via email. And instead, I said, You know what? I think this could be my chance. And I said to her, and I felt a little nervous asking her this, but I said, Hey, Cassidy, would you be open to potentially having me record our session and then putting it on the podcast. And she was like, Yeah, that sounds awesome. So you'll meet her in just a minute. In this episode, we're gonna talk through her brainstorming exercises and why she chose the topic that she chose, and then at the end, we actually read her first draft, and I give her some feedback, some suggestions for revising her personal statement in episode two, which we haven't even recorded yet. At the time of this recording, we're going to check in to see how the personal statement is going, and I want to talk to her about her supplemental essays and how she's thinking about those. And then I want to hear a little bit about her college list and how she developed that. Then in a follow up episode, we'll check in on her progress on her personal statement and supplemental essays. We'll talk a little bit about her activities list. Activities List and her Additional Info section, and then we're going to follow up before she clicks send. I want to have her do what I call an almost done document. I'll explain that when we get there and give you a sense. Dear listener, if you are a student going through this process, how do you know if you're almost done? What do you do before you click send? And then months from now, once she's already found out where she's going, I want to get her to reflect a little bit on what this process was like, learning about herself, and is she happy where she ended up, etc. Now this series is unique, because often when I do a series, it's like back to back episodes on the same thing. This one is going to be interspersed, basically in between other things we're doing on the podcast. As soon as I record them, so we'll record them, edit them, and release them, so that you kind of get a sort of live updates of how things are going, not quite live, but you get what I'm saying. Cassidy is a current high school student going through the college application process. She lives in the Bay Area, loves ballet, knows a lot about biology and identifies as a yapper, which you'll learn more about in our conversation. I hope you enjoy.
Hi, Cassidy. Welcome to the podcast. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. So just to set context for folks, Cassidy and I, this is the first time we're meeting officially, right? We Cassidy just took my, or is currently taking my one of my online courses, and I loved your topic, and I love the way that you're engaging on the course. So I said, Hey, Cassidy, would you be down to let me give you feedback and record it for the podcast? And you said yes, and here we are,
Speaker 1 3:22
right missing No, I think that's pretty much it. Well, I'd
Ethan Sawyer 3:27
love to get to know you a little bit better, and also let folks get to know you a little better. And I'd love to do it through some of these exercises that you've done. So maybe we could start with identity. So we did this like social identities exercise. So I wonder if you would introduce yourself, and it could be either through naming all of the identities that you've identified here, or it could be just picking a few that are particularly important to you. So either way, by way of introduction, what would you like us to know about you in particular your let's call it your identities.
Cassidy 3:56
Yeah. So I am born and raised a San Jose, and I think that's how you say it. And I love just immersing myself in my communities. So I've been in ballet since I was three years old, and then I also volunteer at the hospital. So those are some of my two biggest communities. I'm a Christian. I go to church, and I just I'm also a really big family person. So yeah, I think those are my biggest identities, lovely. And
Ethan Sawyer 4:26
in terms of some of your values, some of the top values that you named on this exercise were community, spirituality, personal development, close relationships, laughter, but some of the other ones that you highlighted are knowledge, communication, productivity, love, and I think we mentioned this in already family, I'd love for you to just pick a few of these that you feel like are particularly meaningful to you. Because what I'd love to do is basically you. One get to know you better, and also get a sense of, like, what is it that you're discovering about yourself and your values? So there's a little bit of, like, who you've been and there's a little bit I'm curious to know about, like, what are you learning about your core values right now in your life? So it's I'm kind of asking two questions.
Cassidy 5:17
Yeah, so I guess I'll start with personal development, because I feel like that's like my biggest core value. I just love exploring, like, different sides of myself and always pushing myself to kind of grow more. I feel like it's just, it makes life really fun, and it just makes me, you know, it gives me drive to do a lot of different things, yeah, and then I think I also love community, like I mentioned, I think it's really important to have a really good support system, and just giving back to to my community is also really important to me. Yeah, keeping healthy relationships. And I love laughter. I just love, love laughing with friends. I feel like it really builds connections when you're able to laugh with someone. Yeah, I just love laughter.
Ethan Sawyer 6:06
Awesome. That's great. Some of the other things that you mentioned in your brainstorm, the things that you love include, if I can, Is it cool if I read some of these out? Yeah, that's fine. The Beach, ocean, biking, serving others. You mentioned God, the Disney Channel, taking pictures, lists, books, summer. There's like a whole little brainstorm here around summer and all the different things. I think that was, that was one of your initial ideas, right? Was, was potentially,
Cassidy 6:34
yeah, that was, like one of the ones I was debating between, yeah.
Ethan Sawyer 6:38
You know a lot about ballet, biology, the grieving process, wavy hair routines, sturgeons, unspoken social etiquette, calculus, young adult books, pointe shoe brands, video game, strategy, Olivia Rodrigo and Disney Channel shows, thanks for letting me, by the way, read this outline. It's just, I know it's personal, and it's like, whoa, but yeah, no, that's okay. It's, I'm curious about, well, actually, let me just let me, let's, let's kind of do the the general Cassidy upload, in terms of, like, other sides of you, one of the things that you've named as a superpower is, is bringing people together and forging relationships. Where do you see that manifesting in the world? This, this, where in your life do you bring people together.
Cassidy 7:20
I think a big one for me is ballet. I've been dancing since I was three, and I think it's that the ballet community is really special to me, especially because my dad passed when I was 12. So when that happened, they were really there to uplift me and keep me going, and it was really special. So I think just bringing people together, like I said, with laughter, being able to share things with each other is really important to me. Be vulnerable with other people really helps them also trust you and be vulnerable with you, which paves the way for a deeper relationship. But then also laughter is like, you know, being able to joke with someone and know that you guys are going to be there for each other is really special.
Ethan Sawyer 8:09
So as I'm looking down at your islands of personality, you mentioned family, which you've talked about a little bit. You mentioned ballet, which you mentioned a couple times, video games, Christianity, school, studying self care, which connects to hair care, skin care. You know, where we happen to be recording this on international self care day. So Happy International Day. I just learned this earlier today. Yeah, yeah, it is funny. It's funny to me too. So I'd be curious, as you were thinking about and going through this brainstorming, the essay brainstorming process, what are some of the topics that you considered and maybe set aside, and how did you end up landing on? The topic you ended up landing on? Because by the end of this episode, we're going to read folks your first draft. But I want to talk about how you were thinking through different topics.
Cassidy 8:59
Yeah. I mean, I really, really liked your brainstorming exercises. I thought they were really helpful, not even just to like brainstorm for the essays, but also to get to know myself more. So I was really thinking about talking about summer in my essay, because I just love summer, like it's my favorite season. It makes me feel so alive. So I thought to express that in in a personal statement would be really like showcasing myself like that. And that was from, like, the I love, I know, exercise. I was also thinking of talking about point shoe brands, because I thought that was, like something kind of uncommon. Like, I don't know if a lot of people would talk about that, but I was like, Oh, I don't know how I can really connect those to my values. So set that idea aside. I was thinking of talking about taking pictures with my digital camera, because that's been really special to me. It was passed down to my dad, actually, so being able to make memories with my friends through that has been really special. But then again. Don't really know how to connect that to my values. And then I was sitting in my room, you know, trying to get a sense of, like, what else is special to me. And I've been collecting these Funko Pop figures since I was really young. And there's these, like, they're these cute mini figures in the Japanese chibi style. And they're, like, of different pop culture figures. But I was like, this would be really cute. Like to showcase my favorite ones, and I thought I could maybe connect them to my values. I was already thinking of a couple, but I had to, like, kind of sleep on it. But yeah, I really liked that idea too. You sent me a
Ethan Sawyer 10:36
couple different ideas. You sent me the summer idea, and you sent me the Funko Pop dolls, and then you ended up writing a draft around the Funko Pop dolls. I'm curious what potential did you see in these Funko Pop dolls that you that you saw that maybe set it apart from other potential ideas that you were considering, like summer or taking photographs, for example.
Cassidy 10:58
As I was like brainstorming, I was kind of like letting my mind wander on the possible, like sub categories within the topic of my essay, I guess. And just thinking about, like, what I could do with the Funko Pops made me really excited. And I think the first like sub talk is sub topics that I was thinking about were for the White Rabbit and for I think it was Ariel. And those made me really excited, because I love the White Rabbit. He was such a special character to me. I actually performed as him in one of my ballet shows. And just thinking about, like, taking something kind of unexpected, because when you think of the White Rabbit, you think of like, oh my gosh, he's so scatter brained. But I think of like thriving in the midst of entropy. So I was just getting excited about that idea.
Ethan Sawyer 11:45
Yeah, I got really excited about it too. And just to share, to sort of answer my own question, the reason I really like this idea so much is two qualities that I've talked to you about on the course. But it's like, you know, you're looking for something that's elastic, which is to say stretchy enough to talk about different sides of yourself. And as I look for your outline, which we'll talk about in just a minute, I was like, wow, that seems like there's so much potential for you to talk about lots of different values, lots of different sides of yourself, because it's as vast as the Funko Pop dolls that you own. And by the way, if you all don't know what that is, we'll link in the show notes, but you can just Google or look up on your phone funko pop so you know what we're talking about. You probably know what we're talking about, but just so that anybody's, like, unclear on that, I think you described them really well. So it's something that's elastic, but also this is something that's uncommon. I've never read another student writing about these, about Funko Pop dolls. So it's an elastic and in this, I think, an uncommon topic. Now, the challenge with this topic, and I think I mentioned this to you before, is that because it's dolls, you know, toys you know essentially, and it's you might be like, Cassidy, you might be like, no, they're more than that. And yes, we're gonna get into how they're more than that, but there can be certain stigma attached to this topic, and so I would put this in the category of potentially stigmatized topics with, for example, makeup, or, I don't know, even people who write about finance, for example, potentially stigmatized because there might be judgments or stereotypes about someone who loves this particular thing. So as I think about what could be the potential judgments, you know, the judgment could be, oh, well, they are just toys, or they are just dolls, or it's just playful. So the challenge is, okay, how do I anticipate, what are the potential judgments? And then weave in. How do you weave in different qualities that show that it's much more than that or that the stereotype that you might have about the thing itself, or a person who might enjoy that thing isn't necessarily true, or isn't necessarily all of who they are. Now I'm curious. I'd love for you to walk us through the outline and talk about like, in other words, kind of make the case for Funko Pop dolls as an essay. And by that, I mean like, walk us through the outline and some of the different examples you chose, and some of the different qualities that you feel like you know that you were able to show in the draft.
Cassidy 14:09
Yeah. So my topic was that I collect Funko Pop figures, and then my favorite figures are those that I relate to. So like I mentioned, my first example was the White Rabbit. The White Rabbit represents my adaptability. And I think I really see that in being able to adapt to having only one parent after my dad passed. And then the second kind of my favorite example was Ariel. And then she represents my hunger and my love for personal development. You know, Ariel really wants to be part of their world, and she really wants to explore more things. So I think I relate to that, in that I love knowledge, and I always am looking for more ways to expand what I know, especially in topics that I like, such as AP by. Elegy. And then I also used Mulan as an example for my love for vulnerability, and that has shown up in my walk with Christ, I think, just being able to openly talk about my faith without fear of being judged. And then I used bell as an example of empathy and quiet, because I've found in a lot of places that I have volunteered, or the communities that I volunteer in, that listening to other people is has such a big impact on them, maybe even more than talking to them, because really to listen to their stories is something really special. Then it really bonds you with them, I think. And then lastly, I use MJ from Spider Man. She represents my love for laughter, because she's pretty sarcastic, you know. And I love sarcasm, and, you know, I think laughter really brings people together. So, yeah, those are my examples. Are
Ethan Sawyer 16:02
you somebody like, when you write, when you plan things, are you an outliner? Or are you was this sort of like new territory for you? Like, are you somebody who, like, really likes structure, or would you have been if I hadn't told you to, would you have just kind of like, started the draft? Like, what is your relationship to outlining?
Cassidy 16:17
No, I need an outline. I love a good outline. It helps me write such a good first draft, and it makes me so much less stressed to actually start the actual writing process.
Ethan Sawyer 16:27
Yeah, I looking at your outline, I was excited to see it, and I think I make up that it made it easier to write the first draft, which I really liked. I thought that there was so much of the detail that you were able to like work out in terms of your ideas and figure out what you were going to say before you end up manifesting itself in the essay, which I really appreciated. And as somebody who in high school was not an outliner, and who has become more of an outliner, I've seen the value in that. And I just be curious, from your perspective, like, what is the value in creating an outline you said you'd like to know? Like, why outline even? Why do you feel like you need to see, like, what's coming in the draft? How does it make things easier for you?
Cassidy 17:06
I think it's easier to, like, brainstorm in an outline, and also, like move topics around, easier than in an essay. And then it also helps me get my ideas out without needing to feel like, oh, it has to be perfect, like it has to sound good also. So just getting like, the raw ideas out is helpful, and then also relating to ideas, just being able to, like, dump out everything from my brain is helpful, and then I can kind of pick and choose what I want to talk about in the actual essay.
Ethan Sawyer 17:36
Yeah, there's it seems like there's so much more flexibility. I'm such a fan of what you're saying. I'm kind of plus wanting it, but it seems like there's so much more flexibility in terms of, like you said, moving stuff around, and also you can figure out if it's not going to work right. Like, you can kind of know, and you've only invested whatever, an hour in the outline, as opposed to, like, the four hours of, like, trying to figure out the perfect balance for the opening. So I love that you that you did such a lovely outline. And I'm kind of excited to, like, get into the first draft and read it before we do it. Yeah, is there anything you want to say about it before we get before I read it?
Speaker 1 18:15
Um, no. I just said, yay. Great. Excited too.
Ethan Sawyer 18:19
And I just wanted to give you room for, you know, to, like, just say anything, because sometimes students are like, Oh, but you seem down. So let's go. I think there's a value in hearing in your own voice, definitely. And there can be a value in having someone else hear it, because you can kind of, you know, hear it objectively, but you read it. I'd love to have you read. So let's go. Okay, great, okay, and let's go with the first draft. I know that you've kind of started to like work, you know, a little bit on a second draft. But let's just start with the first
Cassidy 18:45
draft. Okay, circular, black eyes, square head with rounded edges, disproportionately small body. No, this isn't an otherworldly species or me for that matter. These are my childhood obstructions, tiny figurines that captured my heart from a young age, Funko Pops, rather than rocks or seashells, I fell in love with collecting pop culture mini figures. Yet it is not just the characteristic Japanese chibi style of the Pops that endears me to them, but also the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections, fluffy white ears, red vest and a tiny golden pocket. Watch the size of my pinking finger, my pinky finger, my white rabbit pop. He mirrors my ability to take an entropic situation and learn how to thrive in it. At 12 years old, my dad died, suddenly, uprooting the foundations of my life and drastically reshaping our family dynamics. I learned to adapt to having only one parent, from carpooling more often to surrounding my mom's attention to my younger younger brother. Though tragic, it taught me how to adapt confronting challenges to me means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation, rather than trying to force the situation to fit my expectations. MJ from Marvel's Spider Man franchise. Eyes may not be the picture of happiness, but her dry humor and ability to light in tense situations echoes my love for laughter, whether it's bridging the gap between 17 and seven years old at ballet or softening softening my family sorrow. I've learned that laughter is a powerful tool, and I the handyman constantly utilize it to build relationships with others. A giggle at my brother's deafening post dinner burp joining into my summer camp kids goofy faces contest. Every laugh is an open door for a deeper connection. Bell saffron dress builds out mid spin, her character reminding me of the power of empathy. I am as Gen Z has coined the term a yapper, meaning that I have a tendency to overshare, but the death of my dad revealed to me the importance of listening, of empathizing with someone simply by remaining quiet. I see it at House of grace, hearing the stories of addicted women seeking liberation and responding with silent recognition, discerning the gratitude in women's voices when they grasp that they're not alone. It's clear to me that a listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could. Post in a warriors dance, Mulan guards all of my Red Books, she reminds me that there is strength and vulnerability, something I had to relearn after my dad passed. It's especially manifest in my walk with Christ. In a world of ever increasing hostility towards religion. I continually fight to stay authentic to my faith, tail swishing, bag of who's it's and what's in hand. Ariel reflects my hunger from study hall discussions with my AP biology teacher about biotechnology to learning the ins and outs of oncology with Dr Choi I am driven by an insatiable craving for knowledge, and it has, in turn, allowed me to help others succeed, whether that means leading monthly AP Bio study groups or informally, tutoring my friend in I am too, and my hunger extends beyond the classroom, too to ballet, to my faith, to all of my relationships, to any place where there is room For me to grow, which is to say, everywhere I find comfort in the fact that I don't have to be perfect, I can't be and that's okay, and motivation and that all my goals are attainable through growth, I'll eventually phase out of my obsession with Funko Pops. I mean, at least that's what my bank account is hoping for, but the values they represent will never grow old. As I learn more, love more and live more, I'll continue to add more pops to my collection, or just one, maybe my next edition will be a pop yourself figure growing with me as I grow in character, I think I look cute with a square head and round eyes.
Ethan Sawyer 22:38
Oh, it's I'm like laughing and smiling huge, just for folks who can't hear or tell that before I tell you my thoughts, I'd love to hear your thoughts, Cassidy, as you read that aloud. What do you, you know, reflect? Give me some thoughts. How does it what's it like to read that aloud, to hear that like, what do you Yeah, what are you noticing? It's kind of
Cassidy 22:58
funny, like it's it's been all in my head, but hearing it out loud is so different. I think it's fun to hear it with my own voice, but I hope the admissions officers hear it that way too. But yeah, I think my favorite paragraphs are the ones about the White Rabbit and Belle, because I think I hear my voice, especially in those paragraphs.
Ethan Sawyer 23:23
Ooh, say more when you say you hear your voice. Where do you what are some examples, some lines where you feel like, this is my voice. This is me coming through,
Cassidy 23:30
I think the moments of insight. So for the White Rabbit, one where I talk about how confronting challenges means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation. And then for the bell one, knowing that a listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could. I just like how it's kind of unexpected, and you know, it's contrary to what popular opinion or like what people might expect. Yeah.
Ethan Sawyer 23:58
How did you get there to those insights? Let's
Speaker 2 24:00
see, yeah, I was trying to be unexpected.
Cassidy 24:05
You said, in your course, think of like the cliche version, and then think of the opposite. So I was kind of doing that. And the bell one especially was kind of a play on words, because I was, I was wanting to say that listening ear is more important, but I wanted to make it a little more more paradoxical, I guess.
Ethan Sawyer 24:25
Yeah, it's, it's lovely. I've I love those two insights. I think they are. They really do surprise me too. And I'm interested in what you're saying about voice, where it's like, it feels like you kind of dug deep into your heart and your brain, and you pulled out something, and it was like, Oh, this, I'm guessing that it maybe surprised you a little bit as you were writing it, yeah, it did. It did, yeah, and it felt like insight, because it surprised you. And lo and behold, I read it, and it surprises me. And like, that's sort of like, I think, how you know, if you come up with an insight, and it takes. Yeah, it takes a little bit of time, I think sometimes, to come up with those. It takes a little bit of like energy. It takes a certain kind of seeking. But when it happens, it's so lovely, and it really pops. And it helps these paragraph pop, these paragraphs pop. There's so much that I love, and I'm gonna go through in just a second, tell you what I love about this. Is there anything that you feel like as you look at the essay, that you feel like still needs work? When you look at the first draft, like, what would you like to the next version? I was
Cassidy 25:24
really looking at my conclusion. I didn't really know how to finish it. I was trying to put something kind of like a placeholder for now, but I did know that I wanted to do like a book ending conclusion, because I love those kinds of conclusions when I'm reading other books or other essays, because it feels so like, like inevitable, but also like conclusive and like, yeah, like, this was how it was meant to end. So I was trying to do that, but I don't think it quite came through as I I wanted it to. So just working on that would be good.
Ethan Sawyer 26:01
Well, there's so much to love about this. I want to just start with some of the things that I see coming through in you, and the things that I appreciate about this first draft, because there's a lot to love about it, and then we'll shift, and I'll share with you some things that I think could potentially be worked on for the next for the next draft. Yeah, so I love your opening. I think that it's important to establish clearly for the reader, what are Funko Pop dolls to kind of onboard them? So anybody who's listening this, listening to this, and they're like, I'm writing about something kind of obscure, just a really brief description of what the thing is, I think can be really helpful to get us on the same page with you. By the way, to anybody listening to if you if you want to see the draft, we'll put it in the show notes so you can kind of see what we're talking about here. And I love that you have this launch line at the end of your first paragraph that says, Yet, it's not just the characteristic Japanese chibi style of the Pops that nears me to them, but also the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections. And what this does for me as I'm reading this is it kind of lifts the frame and we're like, Ah, cool. It raises a question, and it makes me go, yeah. It's like, lifts the frame isn't quite the right word. It establishes the frame, and then it raises a question in my mind. So it's like, we're talking about Funko Pop dolls, but in particular, the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections, and I start to wonder, okay, what are the many, many possibilities of things that you could talk about. And it's akin to, like, a trick that that that comedy writers, or in particular, stand up comedians, use when they are like, you know how, when people do this, and you kind of start to imagine all the scenarios where people do that particular thing, so you're you're exciting, my curiosity at the end of your first paragraph in one sentence, in a way that, like, has me leaning forward and like, I'm slowing down and I'm wanting to, like, really, you know, really get into this. So if I was going to be in skimming mode, as readers sometimes get into I've slowed down as I'm reading this in the White Rabbit paragraph, as I love the way you've established it. So, you know, you say fluffy white ears, red vest and a tiny gold pocket. Watch the size of my Pinky, Pinky finger, my white rabbit pop. And you've given us an image to focus on. And then you're going to get into the things so that I think is a smart thing that you've done in the second paragraph. And then you get right into the values you say he mirrors my ability to take an entropic situation and learn how to thrive in it, which is a beautiful value at beautifully expressed. And then the example you give is the one that that broke my heart and I wrote to you in an email about this, talking about, you know, your father passing. And the question that I had was, was there a moment when you considered, should I write about that in my personal statement? And obviously you didn't, or you aren't right now, currently, but I'm curious about that decision. If you decide, if you were like, Oh, I could write about this, because that was obviously a big part of you. And if so, why did you choose to not write about it for your personal statement?
Cassidy 28:48
Yeah, I totally thought about it. But a big thing for me was that it, it did happen a while ago, and then when it did happen, I couldn't really think of like things that I did need to overcome it. I guess I feel like I kind of just pushed through with with how I was living before. I mean, I I did grow a lot, for sure, but I just didn't really know how to express that in a personal statement. And then a big thing was that it happened a long time ago. Yeah, I want to thank
Ethan Sawyer 29:19
you for being vulnerable and being willing to talk about this with me and just say, like, I'm just, I feel like it's extra, like, honored to be, you know, hearing a part of your story and be talking about this with you. Oh, thank you. So in terms of the weaving in here, it's also, like, from a sort of technical perspective, I think, beautifully done, because you're not this doesn't become then the whole story, it's sort of, you're bringing it in, and then you come up with this insight at the end of this first the second paragraph, where you're saying, though tragic, it taught me how to adapt. And so here's the particular value. You said, confronting challenges to me means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation, rather than trying to force the situation to fit my. Expectations, and that, to me, feels like the product of some, you know, some digging and some deep work, and it shows emotional intelligence and critical thinking in a really lovely way. So I don't actually have two music for this paragraph. I'm kind of like, I think it's working really well, and I appreciate that you shared just briefly, some of the impacts you said. You know, having only one parent meant carpooling more often, surrendering my mom's attention to my younger brother. I don't think you need to go into much more detail to set up this quality that you've developed, you know, in the superpower of being able to adapt. I think it comes through really clearly. And so in the next paragraph, when you're talking about MJ from the Spider Man franchise. You bring in laughter. And I like that you bring in ballet. Because here's yet another thing that could have been like a main topic that's like, you know, that could have dominated the essay, but it probably would have been blending in with all the other dance or ballet essays out there. So I want to read this again, and I'm going to say something about it. You say something about it. You say whether it's bridging the gap between 17 and seven years old at ballet, which is a nice weaving in of an extracurricular activity, and not in a braggy way, but just sort of like, here's what I love, here's a value that I love about my extracurricular, my main extracurricular, or softening my family's sorrow. I've learned laughter as a powerful tool, and I the handyman, constantly utilize it to build relationships with others. A giggle at my brother's deafening post dinner burp joining into my summer camp kids goofy faces contest. Every laugh is an open door for a deeper connection. Now, if you were to turn this in tomorrow, I would be like, I'm not mad at it. I think it's good, and I love that it's bringing your personality. But because we've got a little time here, and because you're going to maybe draft revision, I'd love to see if there is another, what I'll call like insight 2.0 around laughter. Because if I think about the phrase laughter builds connection, I go, Yeah, you know, I'm aware of that. I know and I love that. You know that I for the next draft. I'm curious if there's something about the power of laughter in any of the contexts where you you mentioned, for example, in our brainstorming, bring people together. Like, how does laughter have the unique power to bring people together? What? What have you seen in your experiences? You don't need to answer this right now, but what have you seen in your experiences about how laughter can do a thing that you know they say laughter is the best medicine. That's the cheesy version. Why is laughter so useful, meaningful? And I'd love for you to up level that insight, and it might mean that you end up editing some of that paragraph. Great, let's see. Let's see where that goes. So that's, that's kind of my first note, in terms of like a place where you could maybe tweak, okay, in the next paragraph, thanks. Yeah. In the next paragraph, you talk about Bell's saffron dress, and you talk about you are. You say you are a yapper, meaning you have a tendency to over share. But the death of my dad revealed to me the importance of listening, of empathizing, simply by remaining quiet. And then you give a beautiful example, the house of grace, hearing the stories of addicted women, women seeking liberation, responding with silent recognition. Now here's another one where I don't think you need to touch this too much, because this insight that you found, it's clear to me, listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could, is just lovely. You've done a lovely job of showing your heart, showing the way that you connect, the way that you hold others, which, if I'm an admission Reader, I'm like, Yeah, I want that person on my on my campus. It's also showing two sides of yourself. So there's like the yapper side, and then there's the sort of the quiet side. And I love that you're able to embrace and embody both of these tiny, very tiny note for this paragraph, in terms of the yapper identity, I wonder if there's some little little detail that you could include that would give us a little insight into, like, the things you yap about. And it could just be some little connection into, like, I don't know something that really gets you excited, that you get enthusiastic about, that you love or know a lot about. And part of it is there are these little places in your paragraphs that you can kind of, I use the term sometimes, like, smuggle in these other qualities, these other values. And so it could be, like, I don't know anything from your brainstorming, that you're like, ooh, I'd love to let them know that this is something that I know a lot about, or that I'm curious about in sort of, like, after as you're talking about that yapper identity, because I think it could also show an even further embracing of that identity, because most the paragraph is about its opposite. So just, yeah, that's like, that's like a half note. So it's, it's kind of, because I think it's not a small thing, yeah, small thing, okay, in the next part when you talk about that. So the main theme here, it's Mulan. Is the example in vulnerability you talk about your walk with Christ in a world of ever increasing hostility towards religion, I continually fight to stay authentic to my faith. So the main note here, for me is, like, I'm not quite sure yet where the vulnerability is there. So I'd love for you to just maybe get a little bit more specific in the next draft of where do you feel like that vulnerability is, is most either experienced or most needed. And then again, I'm going to kind of invite you to, like, dig deep and see like, is there an insight 2.0 something that's a little bit more specific? So. Right now, there's a thing here when students talk about faith, and I don't think you're doing it here, sometimes students write about faith, and it feels very personal to them, and it sort of is like, it's harder to like, connect with, but I think that you're talking about in such a way where you're connecting it to a value, this value of vulnerability and these values, this value can be a bridge builder with your reader. So no matter who you're talking to, who's reading this, no matter what faith they are, if you're focused on the value of vulnerability, and you've got the example, it's probably going to be one that the reader can connect with, because it's like, Ah, yes, I know what that experience is like. I know what that can do. So I want to nudge you in that direction, to just clarify the power of vulnerability or something, as it relates to, yeah, you know, being, being a young woman of faith, you know that that feels like another, a powerful identity. So I'm just gonna, like, consider that seed planted, and let's see where that goes. And then, as we get to the sort of the end paragraphs here, you're talking about, Ariel reflects your hunger, your insatiable craving for knowledge. I love this. You talk about the AP, bio teacher, biotechnology. My hunger extends beyond the classroom. You talk about ballet, Faith relationships. You talk about helping others succeed, which is lovely question for you. What are you interested in exploring? And as you think about majors, what are you gonna maybe check the box for
Cassidy 36:20
I was thinking biology or something like bio psych, maybe cool.
Ethan Sawyer 36:26
And as you think about this paragraph in terms of hunger, satiable, insatiable hunger, you do kind of like a mini montage where you talk about lots of different ways that you're hungry, which I think could work. I think there's a little room here for getting a little bit more into that. But that intellectual curiosity academic side of you like to nerd out for like, another little bit, because I want to see if you're interested in bio psychology, I want to see that side of you just a little bit more. I'd love for you to one of the big things, and I'll share this in just a minute. But one of the big things that colleges are interested is, can you do, you know, X, you know, insert school level work. And I'd love to for you to see I'm seeing the like, the your heart in such a big way already. I'm seeing how caring you are, how like you're helping others. I also want to see that the nerd, the nerd side of you, the, you know, the geeky side of you. So maybe that could come through even stronger in this paragraph with some details about things that you are, knowledge that you have been hungry for in the past, things that you have, like, found yourself like rabbit holes you you know, dived down, or things you've studied just for fun. It doesn't need to be like a recounting of, like, academics, you know, being like, look at this award that I wanted. But I'd love to just see what you nerd out on a little bit more. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. And then maybe you shift into talking about, maybe, I don't know, it's either be helping others. I love that, although that's kind of coming through already, that I think that's, that's a nice inclusion. Maybe you trim some of this stuff in terms of, you know, you've got this, how your hunger extends beyond the classroom, ballet, faith, all my relationships, because, in part, we've kind of said some stuff about those already. Yeah. So in other words, I'm trying to give you like places to trim, while I'm giving you like say more about those. And then for your ending. I mean, I think it's still finding itself. And I like your I appreciate your note of your you're still trying to figure out where it goes. The general note I'll give is, like, surprising but inevitable. So I think what you're saying for the bookend is going to give it that sense of inevitability, of like, Oh, of course we were going to come back to Funko Pop dolls. I wonder. What could give it that sense of surprise, where we didn't expect you to bring in this? I don't know what it is yet, but is there some little bit of something sometimes students bring in a major, if they if they know what they want to study, and that can be a little bit surprising. Sometimes they bring in another quality, or they bring in another value that we didn't necessarily expect. Sometimes it's just the way that you've phrased it, or there's a certain, you know, sort of craft that that comes in that's like, Oh, I didn't expect it to Yes, I knew it was going to come back to Funko Pop dolls, but not in that way. So I and there's like, a whole thing that I shared with you on endings, but I'd love for you to just play with this ending and see what comes up. I'm not giving you anything super directive. I'm basically referring you to that, okay, but before I let you go, I want to give you two things to think about for the next draft, because this is working pretty well, and I think that it could give a couple extra little layers. Okay, layer one, in terms of your career, the thing that you're interested in studying the future. I if I were to read this, I could probably guess multiple choice some of the things you might be interested in. But one of the things that I'd like for you to consider is, once the reader has read your personal statement, and then they look at your major, I would love for them to be like, ah, that totally makes sense. So the exercise that I want you to do is, I want you to go between now and we meet next is, I want you to do a little brainstorm of qualities that you feel like would be excellent of someone in your future career. And I know that you've, you've done some of this work already, and I want. You to see if you can subtly kind of weave in those values to the next draft. So that when I get to the end of your essay and I look at that major I'm like, Ah, yep, I get it. Okay. So I don't want you to tell me what they are right now. I just want you to kind of bring them in the next draft, so that when I ask you later, I'm like, Okay, what are the values that you're trying to weave in? You can point to them. Okay, I'm talking like four to five values. Okay, okay. The second thing I want you to consider is there's this little roles and identities exercise that I might have talked to you about briefly in a session, but it's a pretty recent exercise, so I put it at the bottom of your brainstorming doc. So I want to, I want you to look at this roles and identities list, and I'd love for you to just name, I don't know, around 10 different roles or identities and give me just like, a really short sense of, like, where that role or identity manifests in your life.
Cassidy 40:48
Yeah. So I think a big one for me is an ally. I see that manifesting in my work at the hospital. I want to be a challenger. I want to challenge people's assumptions about who I am. I definitely love to be an empathizer, and I think I see that in all of my relationships, for sure, especially at ballet, I want to be an enthusiast for my friends. I want to be their cheerleader. You know? I want to be a giver, I think, with my time and my love to the places that I volunteer at also being a listener. I think I mentioned that at House of grace and a nerd. I love to nerd out in school. I also love, I want to be a I think I am a party Bringer. I think bringing the laughter and the joy to everywhere I go. Hopefully. I think I'm a self starter. I love being self motivated, especially in my studies, and I like being a visionary. I like dreaming big and trying to achieve my goals. Awesome.
Ethan Sawyer 41:54
So here's my final note is I want you to consider, you don't have to bring all these into your personal statement, but I want you to consider where are these identities, roles already coming through in your application? Because I think you'll find a couple places where we see that, and then you might also notice that there are opportunities to, like, even more clearly, like, turn up the turn up the volume, or, like, sort of brighten the colors of so we could really see that role or identity coming through, because I think that there are opportunities for like just, just turning it up a notch with some specifics. Okay, so number one, the lens, the layer of like, qualities, values that will serve you in your future career. Number two, roles and identities and how those manifest in your personal statement. We'll have a separate conversation later about bringing some of those roles and identities into your supplemental essays, but we'll leave that for another day.
Cassidy 42:45
Awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, cool. I'm excited
Ethan Sawyer 42:49
to see where this goes. And for anybody listening, you're gonna have to check out Episode Two to see what happened next. Thanks friends for listening. You'll find the show notes, including the brainstorming exercises and the first draft that we discussed at college. Sa guy.com/podcast thank you again, Cassidy, for being willing to let us be witnesses on your journey here. And you'll find lots of free resources at college. Sa guy.com check them out, and don't forget to check out the next episode, where we'll check in and see how the personal statement is going and talk about supplemental essays and developing a college list. Thanks, friends. Stay curious. You.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Show transcript
Ethan Sawyer 0:08 Hey friends, and welcome back to the podcast. So we're doing something a little different today. And let me tell you where this is coming from. I've been asked off and on throughout the years to do a sort of walk through, like an eight to Z walk through of like, where a student starts when they have no idea what they're writing about to like, what does a finished application look like? And I haven't been sure how to do it or even which student to do it with until now. So in a few minutes, you'll meet Cassidy. Cassidy is a student that I met just recently in one of my online courses, and I loved the idea that she came up with and I was gonna send her some feedback via email. And instead, I said, You know what? I think this could be my chance. And I said to her, and I felt a little nervous asking her this, but I said, Hey, Cassidy, would you be open to potentially having me record our session and then putting it on the podcast. And she was like, Yeah, that sounds awesome. So you'll meet her in just a minute. In this episode, we're gonna talk through her brainstorming exercises and why she chose the topic that she chose, and then at the end, we actually read her first draft, and I give her some feedback, some suggestions for revising her personal statement in episode two, which we haven't even recorded yet. At the time of this recording, we're going to check in to see how the personal statement is going, and I want to talk to her about her supplemental essays and how she's thinking about those. And then I want to hear a little bit about her college list and how she developed that. Then in a follow up episode, we'll check in on her progress on her personal statement and supplemental essays. We'll talk a little bit about her activities list. Activities List and her Additional Info section, and then we're going to follow up before she clicks send. I want to have her do what I call an almost done document. I'll explain that when we get there and give you a sense. Dear listener, if you are a student going through this process, how do you know if you're almost done? What do you do before you click send? And then months from now, once she's already found out where she's going, I want to get her to reflect a little bit on what this process was like, learning about herself, and is she happy where she ended up, etc. Now this series is unique, because often when I do a series, it's like back to back episodes on the same thing. This one is going to be interspersed, basically in between other things we're doing on the podcast. As soon as I record them, so we'll record them, edit them, and release them, so that you kind of get a sort of live updates of how things are going, not quite live, but you get what I'm saying. Cassidy is a current high school student going through the college application process. She lives in the Bay Area, loves ballet, knows a lot about biology and identifies as a yapper, which you'll learn more about in our conversation. I hope you enjoy. Hi, Cassidy. Welcome to the podcast. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. So just to set context for folks, Cassidy and I, this is the first time we're meeting officially, right? We Cassidy just took my, or is currently taking my one of my online courses, and I loved your topic, and I love the way that you're engaging on the course. So I said, Hey, Cassidy, would you be down to let me give you feedback and record it for the podcast? And you said yes, and here we are, Speaker 1 3:22 right missing No, I think that's pretty much it. Well, I'd Ethan Sawyer 3:27 love to get to know you a little bit better, and also let folks get to know you a little better. And I'd love to do it through some of these exercises that you've done. So maybe we could start with identity. So we did this like social identities exercise. So I wonder if you would introduce yourself, and it could be either through naming all of the identities that you've identified here, or it could be just picking a few that are particularly important to you. So either way, by way of introduction, what would you like us to know about you in particular your let's call it your identities. Cassidy 3:56 Yeah. So I am born and raised a San Jose, and I think that's how you say it. And I love just immersing myself in my communities. So I've been in ballet since I was three years old, and then I also volunteer at the hospital. So those are some of my two biggest communities. I'm a Christian. I go to church, and I just I'm also a really big family person. So yeah, I think those are my biggest identities, lovely. And Ethan Sawyer 4:26 in terms of some of your values, some of the top values that you named on this exercise were community, spirituality, personal development, close relationships, laughter, but some of the other ones that you highlighted are knowledge, communication, productivity, love, and I think we mentioned this in already family, I'd love for you to just pick a few of these that you feel like are particularly meaningful to you. Because what I'd love to do is basically you. One get to know you better, and also get a sense of, like, what is it that you're discovering about yourself and your values? So there's a little bit of, like, who you've been and there's a little bit I'm curious to know about, like, what are you learning about your core values right now in your life? So it's I'm kind of asking two questions. Cassidy 5:17 Yeah, so I guess I'll start with personal development, because I feel like that's like my biggest core value. I just love exploring, like, different sides of myself and always pushing myself to kind of grow more. I feel like it's just, it makes life really fun, and it just makes me, you know, it gives me drive to do a lot of different things, yeah, and then I think I also love community, like I mentioned, I think it's really important to have a really good support system, and just giving back to to my community is also really important to me. Yeah, keeping healthy relationships. And I love laughter. I just love, love laughing with friends. I feel like it really builds connections when you're able to laugh with someone. Yeah, I just love laughter. Ethan Sawyer 6:06 Awesome. That's great. Some of the other things that you mentioned in your brainstorm, the things that you love include, if I can, Is it cool if I read some of these out? Yeah, that's fine. The Beach, ocean, biking, serving others. You mentioned God, the Disney Channel, taking pictures, lists, books, summer. There's like a whole little brainstorm here around summer and all the different things. I think that was, that was one of your initial ideas, right? Was, was potentially, Cassidy 6:34 yeah, that was, like one of the ones I was debating between, yeah. Ethan Sawyer 6:38 You know a lot about ballet, biology, the grieving process, wavy hair routines, sturgeons, unspoken social etiquette, calculus, young adult books, pointe shoe brands, video game, strategy, Olivia Rodrigo and Disney Channel shows, thanks for letting me, by the way, read this outline. It's just, I know it's personal, and it's like, whoa, but yeah, no, that's okay. It's, I'm curious about, well, actually, let me just let me, let's, let's kind of do the the general Cassidy upload, in terms of, like, other sides of you, one of the things that you've named as a superpower is, is bringing people together and forging relationships. Where do you see that manifesting in the world? This, this, where in your life do you bring people together. Cassidy 7:20 I think a big one for me is ballet. I've been dancing since I was three, and I think it's that the ballet community is really special to me, especially because my dad passed when I was 12. So when that happened, they were really there to uplift me and keep me going, and it was really special. So I think just bringing people together, like I said, with laughter, being able to share things with each other is really important to me. Be vulnerable with other people really helps them also trust you and be vulnerable with you, which paves the way for a deeper relationship. But then also laughter is like, you know, being able to joke with someone and know that you guys are going to be there for each other is really special. Ethan Sawyer 8:09 So as I'm looking down at your islands of personality, you mentioned family, which you've talked about a little bit. You mentioned ballet, which you mentioned a couple times, video games, Christianity, school, studying self care, which connects to hair care, skin care. You know, where we happen to be recording this on international self care day. So Happy International Day. I just learned this earlier today. Yeah, yeah, it is funny. It's funny to me too. So I'd be curious, as you were thinking about and going through this brainstorming, the essay brainstorming process, what are some of the topics that you considered and maybe set aside, and how did you end up landing on? The topic you ended up landing on? Because by the end of this episode, we're going to read folks your first draft. But I want to talk about how you were thinking through different topics. Cassidy 8:59 Yeah. I mean, I really, really liked your brainstorming exercises. I thought they were really helpful, not even just to like brainstorm for the essays, but also to get to know myself more. So I was really thinking about talking about summer in my essay, because I just love summer, like it's my favorite season. It makes me feel so alive. So I thought to express that in in a personal statement would be really like showcasing myself like that. And that was from, like, the I love, I know, exercise. I was also thinking of talking about point shoe brands, because I thought that was, like something kind of uncommon. Like, I don't know if a lot of people would talk about that, but I was like, Oh, I don't know how I can really connect those to my values. So set that idea aside. I was thinking of talking about taking pictures with my digital camera, because that's been really special to me. It was passed down to my dad, actually, so being able to make memories with my friends through that has been really special. But then again. Don't really know how to connect that to my values. And then I was sitting in my room, you know, trying to get a sense of, like, what else is special to me. And I've been collecting these Funko Pop figures since I was really young. And there's these, like, they're these cute mini figures in the Japanese chibi style. And they're, like, of different pop culture figures. But I was like, this would be really cute. Like to showcase my favorite ones, and I thought I could maybe connect them to my values. I was already thinking of a couple, but I had to, like, kind of sleep on it. But yeah, I really liked that idea too. You sent me a Ethan Sawyer 10:36 couple different ideas. You sent me the summer idea, and you sent me the Funko Pop dolls, and then you ended up writing a draft around the Funko Pop dolls. I'm curious what potential did you see in these Funko Pop dolls that you that you saw that maybe set it apart from other potential ideas that you were considering, like summer or taking photographs, for example. Cassidy 10:58 As I was like brainstorming, I was kind of like letting my mind wander on the possible, like sub categories within the topic of my essay, I guess. And just thinking about, like, what I could do with the Funko Pops made me really excited. And I think the first like sub talk is sub topics that I was thinking about were for the White Rabbit and for I think it was Ariel. And those made me really excited, because I love the White Rabbit. He was such a special character to me. I actually performed as him in one of my ballet shows. And just thinking about, like, taking something kind of unexpected, because when you think of the White Rabbit, you think of like, oh my gosh, he's so scatter brained. But I think of like thriving in the midst of entropy. So I was just getting excited about that idea. Ethan Sawyer 11:45 Yeah, I got really excited about it too. And just to share, to sort of answer my own question, the reason I really like this idea so much is two qualities that I've talked to you about on the course. But it's like, you know, you're looking for something that's elastic, which is to say stretchy enough to talk about different sides of yourself. And as I look for your outline, which we'll talk about in just a minute, I was like, wow, that seems like there's so much potential for you to talk about lots of different values, lots of different sides of yourself, because it's as vast as the Funko Pop dolls that you own. And by the way, if you all don't know what that is, we'll link in the show notes, but you can just Google or look up on your phone funko pop so you know what we're talking about. You probably know what we're talking about, but just so that anybody's, like, unclear on that, I think you described them really well. So it's something that's elastic, but also this is something that's uncommon. I've never read another student writing about these, about Funko Pop dolls. So it's an elastic and in this, I think, an uncommon topic. Now, the challenge with this topic, and I think I mentioned this to you before, is that because it's dolls, you know, toys you know essentially, and it's you might be like, Cassidy, you might be like, no, they're more than that. And yes, we're gonna get into how they're more than that, but there can be certain stigma attached to this topic, and so I would put this in the category of potentially stigmatized topics with, for example, makeup, or, I don't know, even people who write about finance, for example, potentially stigmatized because there might be judgments or stereotypes about someone who loves this particular thing. So as I think about what could be the potential judgments, you know, the judgment could be, oh, well, they are just toys, or they are just dolls, or it's just playful. So the challenge is, okay, how do I anticipate, what are the potential judgments? And then weave in. How do you weave in different qualities that show that it's much more than that or that the stereotype that you might have about the thing itself, or a person who might enjoy that thing isn't necessarily true, or isn't necessarily all of who they are. Now I'm curious. I'd love for you to walk us through the outline and talk about like, in other words, kind of make the case for Funko Pop dolls as an essay. And by that, I mean like, walk us through the outline and some of the different examples you chose, and some of the different qualities that you feel like you know that you were able to show in the draft. Cassidy 14:09 Yeah. So my topic was that I collect Funko Pop figures, and then my favorite figures are those that I relate to. So like I mentioned, my first example was the White Rabbit. The White Rabbit represents my adaptability. And I think I really see that in being able to adapt to having only one parent after my dad passed. And then the second kind of my favorite example was Ariel. And then she represents my hunger and my love for personal development. You know, Ariel really wants to be part of their world, and she really wants to explore more things. So I think I relate to that, in that I love knowledge, and I always am looking for more ways to expand what I know, especially in topics that I like, such as AP by. Elegy. And then I also used Mulan as an example for my love for vulnerability, and that has shown up in my walk with Christ, I think, just being able to openly talk about my faith without fear of being judged. And then I used bell as an example of empathy and quiet, because I've found in a lot of places that I have volunteered, or the communities that I volunteer in, that listening to other people is has such a big impact on them, maybe even more than talking to them, because really to listen to their stories is something really special. Then it really bonds you with them, I think. And then lastly, I use MJ from Spider Man. She represents my love for laughter, because she's pretty sarcastic, you know. And I love sarcasm, and, you know, I think laughter really brings people together. So, yeah, those are my examples. Are Ethan Sawyer 16:02 you somebody like, when you write, when you plan things, are you an outliner? Or are you was this sort of like new territory for you? Like, are you somebody who, like, really likes structure, or would you have been if I hadn't told you to, would you have just kind of like, started the draft? Like, what is your relationship to outlining? Cassidy 16:17 No, I need an outline. I love a good outline. It helps me write such a good first draft, and it makes me so much less stressed to actually start the actual writing process. Ethan Sawyer 16:27 Yeah, I looking at your outline, I was excited to see it, and I think I make up that it made it easier to write the first draft, which I really liked. I thought that there was so much of the detail that you were able to like work out in terms of your ideas and figure out what you were going to say before you end up manifesting itself in the essay, which I really appreciated. And as somebody who in high school was not an outliner, and who has become more of an outliner, I've seen the value in that. And I just be curious, from your perspective, like, what is the value in creating an outline you said you'd like to know? Like, why outline even? Why do you feel like you need to see, like, what's coming in the draft? How does it make things easier for you? Cassidy 17:06 I think it's easier to, like, brainstorm in an outline, and also, like move topics around, easier than in an essay. And then it also helps me get my ideas out without needing to feel like, oh, it has to be perfect, like it has to sound good also. So just getting like, the raw ideas out is helpful, and then also relating to ideas, just being able to, like, dump out everything from my brain is helpful, and then I can kind of pick and choose what I want to talk about in the actual essay. Ethan Sawyer 17:36 Yeah, there's it seems like there's so much more flexibility. I'm such a fan of what you're saying. I'm kind of plus wanting it, but it seems like there's so much more flexibility in terms of, like you said, moving stuff around, and also you can figure out if it's not going to work right. Like, you can kind of know, and you've only invested whatever, an hour in the outline, as opposed to, like, the four hours of, like, trying to figure out the perfect balance for the opening. So I love that you that you did such a lovely outline. And I'm kind of excited to, like, get into the first draft and read it before we do it. Yeah, is there anything you want to say about it before we get before I read it? Speaker 1 18:15 Um, no. I just said, yay. Great. Excited too. Ethan Sawyer 18:19 And I just wanted to give you room for, you know, to, like, just say anything, because sometimes students are like, Oh, but you seem down. So let's go. I think there's a value in hearing in your own voice, definitely. And there can be a value in having someone else hear it, because you can kind of, you know, hear it objectively, but you read it. I'd love to have you read. So let's go. Okay, great, okay, and let's go with the first draft. I know that you've kind of started to like work, you know, a little bit on a second draft. But let's just start with the first Cassidy 18:45 draft. Okay, circular, black eyes, square head with rounded edges, disproportionately small body. No, this isn't an otherworldly species or me for that matter. These are my childhood obstructions, tiny figurines that captured my heart from a young age, Funko Pops, rather than rocks or seashells, I fell in love with collecting pop culture mini figures. Yet it is not just the characteristic Japanese chibi style of the Pops that endears me to them, but also the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections, fluffy white ears, red vest and a tiny golden pocket. Watch the size of my pinking finger, my pinky finger, my white rabbit pop. He mirrors my ability to take an entropic situation and learn how to thrive in it. At 12 years old, my dad died, suddenly, uprooting the foundations of my life and drastically reshaping our family dynamics. I learned to adapt to having only one parent, from carpooling more often to surrounding my mom's attention to my younger younger brother. Though tragic, it taught me how to adapt confronting challenges to me means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation, rather than trying to force the situation to fit my expectations. MJ from Marvel's Spider Man franchise. Eyes may not be the picture of happiness, but her dry humor and ability to light in tense situations echoes my love for laughter, whether it's bridging the gap between 17 and seven years old at ballet or softening softening my family sorrow. I've learned that laughter is a powerful tool, and I the handyman constantly utilize it to build relationships with others. A giggle at my brother's deafening post dinner burp joining into my summer camp kids goofy faces contest. Every laugh is an open door for a deeper connection. Bell saffron dress builds out mid spin, her character reminding me of the power of empathy. I am as Gen Z has coined the term a yapper, meaning that I have a tendency to overshare, but the death of my dad revealed to me the importance of listening, of empathizing with someone simply by remaining quiet. I see it at House of grace, hearing the stories of addicted women seeking liberation and responding with silent recognition, discerning the gratitude in women's voices when they grasp that they're not alone. It's clear to me that a listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could. Post in a warriors dance, Mulan guards all of my Red Books, she reminds me that there is strength and vulnerability, something I had to relearn after my dad passed. It's especially manifest in my walk with Christ. In a world of ever increasing hostility towards religion. I continually fight to stay authentic to my faith, tail swishing, bag of who's it's and what's in hand. Ariel reflects my hunger from study hall discussions with my AP biology teacher about biotechnology to learning the ins and outs of oncology with Dr Choi I am driven by an insatiable craving for knowledge, and it has, in turn, allowed me to help others succeed, whether that means leading monthly AP Bio study groups or informally, tutoring my friend in I am too, and my hunger extends beyond the classroom, too to ballet, to my faith, to all of my relationships, to any place where there is room For me to grow, which is to say, everywhere I find comfort in the fact that I don't have to be perfect, I can't be and that's okay, and motivation and that all my goals are attainable through growth, I'll eventually phase out of my obsession with Funko Pops. I mean, at least that's what my bank account is hoping for, but the values they represent will never grow old. As I learn more, love more and live more, I'll continue to add more pops to my collection, or just one, maybe my next edition will be a pop yourself figure growing with me as I grow in character, I think I look cute with a square head and round eyes. Ethan Sawyer 22:38 Oh, it's I'm like laughing and smiling huge, just for folks who can't hear or tell that before I tell you my thoughts, I'd love to hear your thoughts, Cassidy, as you read that aloud. What do you, you know, reflect? Give me some thoughts. How does it what's it like to read that aloud, to hear that like, what do you Yeah, what are you noticing? It's kind of Cassidy 22:58 funny, like it's it's been all in my head, but hearing it out loud is so different. I think it's fun to hear it with my own voice, but I hope the admissions officers hear it that way too. But yeah, I think my favorite paragraphs are the ones about the White Rabbit and Belle, because I think I hear my voice, especially in those paragraphs. Ethan Sawyer 23:23 Ooh, say more when you say you hear your voice. Where do you what are some examples, some lines where you feel like, this is my voice. This is me coming through, Cassidy 23:30 I think the moments of insight. So for the White Rabbit, one where I talk about how confronting challenges means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation. And then for the bell one, knowing that a listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could. I just like how it's kind of unexpected, and you know, it's contrary to what popular opinion or like what people might expect. Yeah. Ethan Sawyer 23:58 How did you get there to those insights? Let's Speaker 2 24:00 see, yeah, I was trying to be unexpected. Cassidy 24:05 You said, in your course, think of like the cliche version, and then think of the opposite. So I was kind of doing that. And the bell one especially was kind of a play on words, because I was, I was wanting to say that listening ear is more important, but I wanted to make it a little more more paradoxical, I guess. Ethan Sawyer 24:25 Yeah, it's, it's lovely. I've I love those two insights. I think they are. They really do surprise me too. And I'm interested in what you're saying about voice, where it's like, it feels like you kind of dug deep into your heart and your brain, and you pulled out something, and it was like, Oh, this, I'm guessing that it maybe surprised you a little bit as you were writing it, yeah, it did. It did, yeah, and it felt like insight, because it surprised you. And lo and behold, I read it, and it surprises me. And like, that's sort of like, I think, how you know, if you come up with an insight, and it takes. Yeah, it takes a little bit of time, I think sometimes, to come up with those. It takes a little bit of like energy. It takes a certain kind of seeking. But when it happens, it's so lovely, and it really pops. And it helps these paragraph pop, these paragraphs pop. There's so much that I love, and I'm gonna go through in just a second, tell you what I love about this. Is there anything that you feel like as you look at the essay, that you feel like still needs work? When you look at the first draft, like, what would you like to the next version? I was Cassidy 25:24 really looking at my conclusion. I didn't really know how to finish it. I was trying to put something kind of like a placeholder for now, but I did know that I wanted to do like a book ending conclusion, because I love those kinds of conclusions when I'm reading other books or other essays, because it feels so like, like inevitable, but also like conclusive and like, yeah, like, this was how it was meant to end. So I was trying to do that, but I don't think it quite came through as I I wanted it to. So just working on that would be good. Ethan Sawyer 26:01 Well, there's so much to love about this. I want to just start with some of the things that I see coming through in you, and the things that I appreciate about this first draft, because there's a lot to love about it, and then we'll shift, and I'll share with you some things that I think could potentially be worked on for the next for the next draft. Yeah, so I love your opening. I think that it's important to establish clearly for the reader, what are Funko Pop dolls to kind of onboard them? So anybody who's listening this, listening to this, and they're like, I'm writing about something kind of obscure, just a really brief description of what the thing is, I think can be really helpful to get us on the same page with you. By the way, to anybody listening to if you if you want to see the draft, we'll put it in the show notes so you can kind of see what we're talking about here. And I love that you have this launch line at the end of your first paragraph that says, Yet, it's not just the characteristic Japanese chibi style of the Pops that nears me to them, but also the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections. And what this does for me as I'm reading this is it kind of lifts the frame and we're like, Ah, cool. It raises a question, and it makes me go, yeah. It's like, lifts the frame isn't quite the right word. It establishes the frame, and then it raises a question in my mind. So it's like, we're talking about Funko Pop dolls, but in particular, the shards of myself that I glimpse in their reflections, and I start to wonder, okay, what are the many, many possibilities of things that you could talk about. And it's akin to, like, a trick that that that comedy writers, or in particular, stand up comedians, use when they are like, you know how, when people do this, and you kind of start to imagine all the scenarios where people do that particular thing, so you're you're exciting, my curiosity at the end of your first paragraph in one sentence, in a way that, like, has me leaning forward and like, I'm slowing down and I'm wanting to, like, really, you know, really get into this. So if I was going to be in skimming mode, as readers sometimes get into I've slowed down as I'm reading this in the White Rabbit paragraph, as I love the way you've established it. So, you know, you say fluffy white ears, red vest and a tiny gold pocket. Watch the size of my Pinky, Pinky finger, my white rabbit pop. And you've given us an image to focus on. And then you're going to get into the things so that I think is a smart thing that you've done in the second paragraph. And then you get right into the values you say he mirrors my ability to take an entropic situation and learn how to thrive in it, which is a beautiful value at beautifully expressed. And then the example you give is the one that that broke my heart and I wrote to you in an email about this, talking about, you know, your father passing. And the question that I had was, was there a moment when you considered, should I write about that in my personal statement? And obviously you didn't, or you aren't right now, currently, but I'm curious about that decision. If you decide, if you were like, Oh, I could write about this, because that was obviously a big part of you. And if so, why did you choose to not write about it for your personal statement? Cassidy 28:48 Yeah, I totally thought about it. But a big thing for me was that it, it did happen a while ago, and then when it did happen, I couldn't really think of like things that I did need to overcome it. I guess I feel like I kind of just pushed through with with how I was living before. I mean, I I did grow a lot, for sure, but I just didn't really know how to express that in a personal statement. And then a big thing was that it happened a long time ago. Yeah, I want to thank Ethan Sawyer 29:19 you for being vulnerable and being willing to talk about this with me and just say, like, I'm just, I feel like it's extra, like, honored to be, you know, hearing a part of your story and be talking about this with you. Oh, thank you. So in terms of the weaving in here, it's also, like, from a sort of technical perspective, I think, beautifully done, because you're not this doesn't become then the whole story, it's sort of, you're bringing it in, and then you come up with this insight at the end of this first the second paragraph, where you're saying, though tragic, it taught me how to adapt. And so here's the particular value. You said, confronting challenges to me means reshaping my mindset to adapt to the situation, rather than trying to force the situation to fit my. Expectations, and that, to me, feels like the product of some, you know, some digging and some deep work, and it shows emotional intelligence and critical thinking in a really lovely way. So I don't actually have two music for this paragraph. I'm kind of like, I think it's working really well, and I appreciate that you shared just briefly, some of the impacts you said. You know, having only one parent meant carpooling more often, surrendering my mom's attention to my younger brother. I don't think you need to go into much more detail to set up this quality that you've developed, you know, in the superpower of being able to adapt. I think it comes through really clearly. And so in the next paragraph, when you're talking about MJ from the Spider Man franchise. You bring in laughter. And I like that you bring in ballet. Because here's yet another thing that could have been like a main topic that's like, you know, that could have dominated the essay, but it probably would have been blending in with all the other dance or ballet essays out there. So I want to read this again, and I'm going to say something about it. You say something about it. You say whether it's bridging the gap between 17 and seven years old at ballet, which is a nice weaving in of an extracurricular activity, and not in a braggy way, but just sort of like, here's what I love, here's a value that I love about my extracurricular, my main extracurricular, or softening my family's sorrow. I've learned laughter as a powerful tool, and I the handyman, constantly utilize it to build relationships with others. A giggle at my brother's deafening post dinner burp joining into my summer camp kids goofy faces contest. Every laugh is an open door for a deeper connection. Now, if you were to turn this in tomorrow, I would be like, I'm not mad at it. I think it's good, and I love that it's bringing your personality. But because we've got a little time here, and because you're going to maybe draft revision, I'd love to see if there is another, what I'll call like insight 2.0 around laughter. Because if I think about the phrase laughter builds connection, I go, Yeah, you know, I'm aware of that. I know and I love that. You know that I for the next draft. I'm curious if there's something about the power of laughter in any of the contexts where you you mentioned, for example, in our brainstorming, bring people together. Like, how does laughter have the unique power to bring people together? What? What have you seen in your experiences? You don't need to answer this right now, but what have you seen in your experiences about how laughter can do a thing that you know they say laughter is the best medicine. That's the cheesy version. Why is laughter so useful, meaningful? And I'd love for you to up level that insight, and it might mean that you end up editing some of that paragraph. Great, let's see. Let's see where that goes. So that's, that's kind of my first note, in terms of like a place where you could maybe tweak, okay, in the next paragraph, thanks. Yeah. In the next paragraph, you talk about Bell's saffron dress, and you talk about you are. You say you are a yapper, meaning you have a tendency to over share. But the death of my dad revealed to me the importance of listening, of empathizing, simply by remaining quiet. And then you give a beautiful example, the house of grace, hearing the stories of addicted women, women seeking liberation, responding with silent recognition. Now here's another one where I don't think you need to touch this too much, because this insight that you found, it's clear to me, listening ear speaks to the heart more than a rambling mouth ever could, is just lovely. You've done a lovely job of showing your heart, showing the way that you connect, the way that you hold others, which, if I'm an admission Reader, I'm like, Yeah, I want that person on my on my campus. It's also showing two sides of yourself. So there's like the yapper side, and then there's the sort of the quiet side. And I love that you're able to embrace and embody both of these tiny, very tiny note for this paragraph, in terms of the yapper identity, I wonder if there's some little little detail that you could include that would give us a little insight into, like, the things you yap about. And it could just be some little connection into, like, I don't know something that really gets you excited, that you get enthusiastic about, that you love or know a lot about. And part of it is there are these little places in your paragraphs that you can kind of, I use the term sometimes, like, smuggle in these other qualities, these other values. And so it could be, like, I don't know anything from your brainstorming, that you're like, ooh, I'd love to let them know that this is something that I know a lot about, or that I'm curious about in sort of, like, after as you're talking about that yapper identity, because I think it could also show an even further embracing of that identity, because most the paragraph is about its opposite. So just, yeah, that's like, that's like a half note. So it's, it's kind of, because I think it's not a small thing, yeah, small thing, okay, in the next part when you talk about that. So the main theme here, it's Mulan. Is the example in vulnerability you talk about your walk with Christ in a world of ever increasing hostility towards religion, I continually fight to stay authentic to my faith. So the main note here, for me is, like, I'm not quite sure yet where the vulnerability is there. So I'd love for you to just maybe get a little bit more specific in the next draft of where do you feel like that vulnerability is, is most either experienced or most needed. And then again, I'm going to kind of invite you to, like, dig deep and see like, is there an insight 2.0 something that's a little bit more specific? So. Right now, there's a thing here when students talk about faith, and I don't think you're doing it here, sometimes students write about faith, and it feels very personal to them, and it sort of is like, it's harder to like, connect with, but I think that you're talking about in such a way where you're connecting it to a value, this value of vulnerability and these values, this value can be a bridge builder with your reader. So no matter who you're talking to, who's reading this, no matter what faith they are, if you're focused on the value of vulnerability, and you've got the example, it's probably going to be one that the reader can connect with, because it's like, Ah, yes, I know what that experience is like. I know what that can do. So I want to nudge you in that direction, to just clarify the power of vulnerability or something, as it relates to, yeah, you know, being, being a young woman of faith, you know that that feels like another, a powerful identity. So I'm just gonna, like, consider that seed planted, and let's see where that goes. And then, as we get to the sort of the end paragraphs here, you're talking about, Ariel reflects your hunger, your insatiable craving for knowledge. I love this. You talk about the AP, bio teacher, biotechnology. My hunger extends beyond the classroom. You talk about ballet, Faith relationships. You talk about helping others succeed, which is lovely question for you. What are you interested in exploring? And as you think about majors, what are you gonna maybe check the box for Cassidy 36:20 I was thinking biology or something like bio psych, maybe cool. Ethan Sawyer 36:26 And as you think about this paragraph in terms of hunger, satiable, insatiable hunger, you do kind of like a mini montage where you talk about lots of different ways that you're hungry, which I think could work. I think there's a little room here for getting a little bit more into that. But that intellectual curiosity academic side of you like to nerd out for like, another little bit, because I want to see if you're interested in bio psychology, I want to see that side of you just a little bit more. I'd love for you to one of the big things, and I'll share this in just a minute. But one of the big things that colleges are interested is, can you do, you know, X, you know, insert school level work. And I'd love to for you to see I'm seeing the like, the your heart in such a big way already. I'm seeing how caring you are, how like you're helping others. I also want to see that the nerd, the nerd side of you, the, you know, the geeky side of you. So maybe that could come through even stronger in this paragraph with some details about things that you are, knowledge that you have been hungry for in the past, things that you have, like, found yourself like rabbit holes you you know, dived down, or things you've studied just for fun. It doesn't need to be like a recounting of, like, academics, you know, being like, look at this award that I wanted. But I'd love to just see what you nerd out on a little bit more. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. And then maybe you shift into talking about, maybe, I don't know, it's either be helping others. I love that, although that's kind of coming through already, that I think that's, that's a nice inclusion. Maybe you trim some of this stuff in terms of, you know, you've got this, how your hunger extends beyond the classroom, ballet, faith, all my relationships, because, in part, we've kind of said some stuff about those already. Yeah. So in other words, I'm trying to give you like places to trim, while I'm giving you like say more about those. And then for your ending. I mean, I think it's still finding itself. And I like your I appreciate your note of your you're still trying to figure out where it goes. The general note I'll give is, like, surprising but inevitable. So I think what you're saying for the bookend is going to give it that sense of inevitability, of like, Oh, of course we were going to come back to Funko Pop dolls. I wonder. What could give it that sense of surprise, where we didn't expect you to bring in this? I don't know what it is yet, but is there some little bit of something sometimes students bring in a major, if they if they know what they want to study, and that can be a little bit surprising. Sometimes they bring in another quality, or they bring in another value that we didn't necessarily expect. Sometimes it's just the way that you've phrased it, or there's a certain, you know, sort of craft that that comes in that's like, Oh, I didn't expect it to Yes, I knew it was going to come back to Funko Pop dolls, but not in that way. So I and there's like, a whole thing that I shared with you on endings, but I'd love for you to just play with this ending and see what comes up. I'm not giving you anything super directive. I'm basically referring you to that, okay, but before I let you go, I want to give you two things to think about for the next draft, because this is working pretty well, and I think that it could give a couple extra little layers. Okay, layer one, in terms of your career, the thing that you're interested in studying the future. I if I were to read this, I could probably guess multiple choice some of the things you might be interested in. But one of the things that I'd like for you to consider is, once the reader has read your personal statement, and then they look at your major, I would love for them to be like, ah, that totally makes sense. So the exercise that I want you to do is, I want you to go between now and we meet next is, I want you to do a little brainstorm of qualities that you feel like would be excellent of someone in your future career. And I know that you've, you've done some of this work already, and I want. You to see if you can subtly kind of weave in those values to the next draft. So that when I get to the end of your essay and I look at that major I'm like, Ah, yep, I get it. Okay. So I don't want you to tell me what they are right now. I just want you to kind of bring them in the next draft, so that when I ask you later, I'm like, Okay, what are the values that you're trying to weave in? You can point to them. Okay, I'm talking like four to five values. Okay, okay. The second thing I want you to consider is there's this little roles and identities exercise that I might have talked to you about briefly in a session, but it's a pretty recent exercise, so I put it at the bottom of your brainstorming doc. So I want to, I want you to look at this roles and identities list, and I'd love for you to just name, I don't know, around 10 different roles or identities and give me just like, a really short sense of, like, where that role or identity manifests in your life. Cassidy 40:48 Yeah. So I think a big one for me is an ally. I see that manifesting in my work at the hospital. I want to be a challenger. I want to challenge people's assumptions about who I am. I definitely love to be an empathizer, and I think I see that in all of my relationships, for sure, especially at ballet, I want to be an enthusiast for my friends. I want to be their cheerleader. You know? I want to be a giver, I think, with my time and my love to the places that I volunteer at also being a listener. I think I mentioned that at House of grace and a nerd. I love to nerd out in school. I also love, I want to be a I think I am a party Bringer. I think bringing the laughter and the joy to everywhere I go. Hopefully. I think I'm a self starter. I love being self motivated, especially in my studies, and I like being a visionary. I like dreaming big and trying to achieve my goals. Awesome. Ethan Sawyer 41:54 So here's my final note is I want you to consider, you don't have to bring all these into your personal statement, but I want you to consider where are these identities, roles already coming through in your application? Because I think you'll find a couple places where we see that, and then you might also notice that there are opportunities to, like, even more clearly, like, turn up the turn up the volume, or, like, sort of brighten the colors of so we could really see that role or identity coming through, because I think that there are opportunities for like just, just turning it up a notch with some specifics. Okay, so number one, the lens, the layer of like, qualities, values that will serve you in your future career. Number two, roles and identities and how those manifest in your personal statement. We'll have a separate conversation later about bringing some of those roles and identities into your supplemental essays, but we'll leave that for another day. Cassidy 42:45 Awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, cool. I'm excited Ethan Sawyer 42:49 to see where this goes. And for anybody listening, you're gonna have to check out Episode Two to see what happened next. Thanks friends for listening. You'll find the show notes, including the brainstorming exercises and the first draft that we discussed at college. Sa guy.com/podcast thank you again, Cassidy, for being willing to let us be witnesses on your journey here. And you'll find lots of free resources at college. Sa guy.com check them out, and don't forget to check out the next episode, where we'll check in and see how the personal statement is going and talk about supplemental essays and developing a college list. Thanks, friends. Stay curious. You. Transcribed by https://otter.ai
