Show Notes
Hi, friends, and welcome back to our series, “On Becoming: The Art and Craft of Personal Storytelling,” where we take a close look at personal essays written by real students, talk about why we love them, what makes them work, and how they came to be.
In this episode, I’m joined by Amber Patterson, Regional Director of Admission at Texas Christian University. This conversation does two things at once. We read a real student essay closely, line by line, and we get inside an admission reader’s head to understand what’s actually landing as she reads through it.
We get into:
- What Amber hopes to learn about a student when she sits down with their personal statement
- Why TCU has chosen not to use any AI to read applications, and the human moments she says a machine can’t pick up
- How the reading process actually works at TCU
- A full breakdown of an essay called “The Silent Assassin,” starting with Amber’s take on why a clever hook may matter less than students think
- How to nest a small, everyday challenge inside a larger essay (the hybrid structure), and how a common challenge can be than enough
- How to subtly weave an extracurricular activity into your essay, and how to actually use the additional information section
- Amber’s honest take on AI for students: where it helps, and where to avoid it
Amber Patterson is a first generation, non-traditional college student who earned her Bachelor’s degree in Ethnic Studies from Cal State East Bay and a Master of Human Relations degree in Inclusive Leadership from the University of Oklahoma. After a decade as a college counselor in California public high schools, she moved into higher ed and now serves as Regional Director of Admission at Texas Christian University. She has served on WACAC’s Executive Board and currently chairs Professional Development for the Regional Admission Counselors of California. What she loves most about this work is helping students find their path to higher education and fostering an environment where every student’s unique experiences are valued.
I loved this conversation, and Amber’s care for students comes through in every answer. I hope you enjoy it too.
Play-by-Play
- 2:21 – What is often happening in admission offices in June?
- 3:43 – What does Amber look for in a personal statement?
- 5:05 – What is the application reading process like at TCU and what is the role of the personal statement?
- 8:59 – What conversations are happening in the TCU admissions office around using AI for application review?
- 12:56 – What is the human “feeling” a great essay creates, and why is it so hard to teach a machine to find it?
- 15:34 – Do college essays need titles?
- 17:10 – Amber reads the essay, which we’re calling “The Silent Assassin”
- 21:40 – Why does a clever hook matter less than students think?
- 24:42 – How does the author show leadership qualities through the essay?
- 26:58 – Why is “show, don’t tell” an effective storytelling technique for college essays?
- 31:39 – How can students nest a challenge into the essay without it being the whole story?
- 36:40 – When should students weave an activity into the personal statement?
- 39:51 – Where is it best for students to mention their intended major?
- 41:00 – What can students include in the additional information section?
- 43:54 – What does the admission reader learn about the student through their proudest moment in high school?
- 50:01 – How much information might an admission reader catch in a quick read?
- 51:58 – What advice does Amber have for students around AI use?
- 54:15 – What does Amber hope that students will keep in mind throughout this process?
- 55:19 – Closing thoughts
Resources
- The “Silent Assassin” Essay
- Should I Discuss Mental Health in My Personal Statement or College Application? (And If So, How)?
- 512: Navigating Mental Health Disclosures in the College Application: The Counselor Perspective
- 513: Navigating Mental Health Disclosures in the College Application: The Admission Officer Perspective
- 514: Navigating Mental Health Disclosures in the College Application: The Student Perspective
- How to Use the Common App Additional Information section and Challenges and Circumstances section: Guide + Examples | College Essay Guy
- College Essay Guy’s Personal Statement Resources
- College Essay Guy’s College Application Hub
Show transcript
Ethan Sawyer (00:08) Hi friends and welcome back to our series on becoming the art and craft of personal storytelling, where we take a close look at personal essays written by real students. We talk about why we love them, what makes them work, and how they came to be. So in today's episode, I'm joined by Amber Patterson, who's the Regional Director of Admission at TCU, aka Texas Christian University. In our conversation, we read a real student essay line by line. I feel like I have to keep saying real these days, but it is a real student essay. And we get inside an admission reader's mind so you can see what she's seeing when she's reading a personal statement. At the start, we talk about what she hopes to learn about a student when she sits down to read their college essay, why TCU has chosen not to use any AI to read applications, how the reading process actually works at TCU. We get a full breakdown of an essay called The Silent Assassin, starting with her take on why a clever hook may matter less than students think. How you can nest a small challenge inside a larger essay, which I call the hybrid structure, which I explain. How to subtly weave in an extracurricular activity into the essay in a way that doesn't scream signaling. And what's Amber's advice to students who want to use AI? Where could it help and where could it maybe hurt? Amber Patterson is a first-gen non-traditional college student who earned her bachelor's degree in ethnic studies from Cal State East Bay. And a Master's of Human Relations in Inclusive Leadership from the University of Oklahoma. After a decade as a college counselor in California Public High Schools, she moved into higher ed and now serves as the Regional Director of Admission at TCU. She served on WACAC's executive board and currently chairs the professional development for the regional admission counselors of California. But what she loves most about this work is helping students find their path to higher education. and creating an environment where every student's unique experiences are valued. So basically she's my kind of people. I love this conversation, and I hope you all do too. Hi, Ember and welcome to the podcast. Amber Patterson (02:18) Thank you, Ethan. It's so nice to be here. Ethan Sawyer (02:21) So we're recording this in June. It's like the cusp of early June. And I'm curious, just I'd love for you to give folks a little behind the scenes look at what's happening in the admission office. And you could speak like specifically about TCU or just like in general, like what are admission officers thinking about in early June? Amber Patterson (02:42) Yeah, well, you know, hopefully in most admissions office, everybody is breathing a little bit of sigh of relief right now because we are post May one, which we know is the decision date. So hopefully all of the hard work is behind us, although many universities are still trying to fill their fill their classes. So this can also be a time of a big scramble in an office where we maybe start to panic a little bit if we don't have all of the students that we need, or on the flip side have too many students. Because it's all just a big guessing game, but smooth sailing in our office at the moment. I've done a bunch of travel in the month of May, which has been nice. Some conferences where I recently got to say hello to you in person, which was lovely. And then now kind of shifting gears into summer, where in my own role, I do a lot of workshops with high schools and get to plan all of my hard travel for fall. So most of us work work all 12 months and but summer is Summer's a little bit of an exhale for us, which is nice. Ethan Sawyer (03:43) So we talked a little bit when we chatted last week about the personal statement. I'm curious, what do you look for in a personal statement? Amber Patterson (03:53) Well, the personal statement is arguably my favorite part of the application to read because I want to get to know the human being behind the computer screen. You know, I read over a thousand applications a year. So it's a lot of screen time. And I really love that human interaction. So what I'm looking for is who is this human being that has submitted this application? So I'm looking to kind of see how I can imagine this person who's written this on my campus. You know, and different parts of the application are going to give me different clues, but this part in particular, not so much, you know, necessarily what classes are they going to take or what kind of grades are they going to get. More are they going to be a good roommate? Are they going to take advantage of what we have to offer? Are they going to be happy on our campus? What what kind of human being is this? Is this the type of person I would want to be have on as a roommate? And arguably I'm I'm just one opinion and I'm not a college-age student. So I have to. contextualize that a bit, but really looking for that that real connection with them. I'm not looking for it to, you know, show off their accomplishments necessarily or those sorts of things. I just really want to get to know who they are. Ethan Sawyer (05:05) Mm-hmm. I'd love for you to maybe give us a little behind the scenes of what the reading process is like at a TCU and and what role the personal statement plays. And included this is like a third question, but how important the personal statement actually is in the process. Amber Patterson (05:19) So, I mean, it is it is a pretty important piece, especially for us at TCU. I think I I had mentioned to you before, I think rankings in general, students should rank colleges for themselves, but I'm going to completely contradict myself and say that TCU has a ranking I'm quite proud of. Two out of the last three years, we've been ranked number one for having the happiest students. And I think that's something you can feel when you're on our campus. And I think that the the individuals that we Choose to bring to campus through the admission process plays a large role in that. And we want to continue to bring those students who are going to be kind and supportive to others and those things to our campus. And the personal statement is one of the biggest ways that we can kind of identify those personalities. Now, of course, you know, academics play a large role, even in any holistic review school, you know, arguably one of the larger roles. So I think. the students, you know, that are that are well above our kind of academic averages or academic profile, you know, the the personal statement isn't super, super important for them. If they write a mediocre one, it's still probably okay, you know, as long as it's not problematic. You know, and and for the for the students that are well below that mark, you know, writing a great personal statement alone is probably not going to be what gets them admitted. You know, we admit students well below Our academic profile every year, but usually there are multiple reasons why it's not just going to simply be because they they had a great personal statement. So I think for the students that it matters most for are those ones that are in the middle, those ones that are kind of in our academic profile range. And now we're needing to differentiate them. So now it can play a bigger role for them in that process. And what it looks like on our end, every application. basically gets at least three reads. So first it will go to a first reader who doesn't really make any kind of subjective decisions, doesn't really insert their opinion. They're doing things like recalculating GPAs and preparing the application for us. Then it comes to the admission counselor. At TCU, we read by territory, which is lovely because we probably already have an idea of kind of what the student's high school was like or what was available in their communities. And are pretty familiar with that. So that's really nice. The admission counselor has the largest role in the in the reading process. They're going to read the whole application, make a ton of notes and make an admissions recommendation. And then that gets sent on to a committee. And some applications will go through multiple committees, just depending on the type of application, maybe the major, maybe a program or a scholarship, if they've been nominated for something like that. They might go through several rounds of committee, but those committees make the ultimate decision based on the recommendations from the council. Ethan Sawyer (08:09) So what about w what about the AI read? When does that happen? Amber Patterson (08:15) It doesn't in our office. No, we I and I think, you know, I'll go back to that happiest student piece. This is a very human process at TCU. We have the tools to summarize, use AI to summarize applications and make that process a lot faster. And our office has wholeheartedly rejected those. You know, we may use them for things like recalculating a transcript or something that doesn't need a human body and maybe would even be better without a human. human presence and human mistakes in it. But for those pieces where we are trying to actually get to know the student and and really understand the context of their application, we don't want it. It's not it's not going to work for us. It's it's a human process. We're admitting human beings and we want to keep it that way. Ethan Sawyer (08:59) Yeah. It's the reason I ask, you know, jokingly, not jokingly, is I think for many students, you know, when they hear and parents too, when they hear, you know, X school is doing reads of AI, they're sort of like, now all colleges are doing that. And that's not my sense from when I speak to admission officers. I'm curious what are the what are the conversations that have happened behind the scenes around using AI in the reading process, in particular the reading process, because I I imagine there are like, you know AI for enrollment management and then there's like AI for reading. Yeah, how have the conversations gone? Amber Patterson (09:36) I mean, the off the conversations have been pretty brief in our office because we've all said no, we don't want that. And that's been okay. And that is definitely a vibe in our office. And speaking to colleagues at other schools, I think the more selective the school is, the more likely they're not going to be using something like that because AI is just really not going to be able to pick out those human differences. Now, if you get a school with an eighty, eighty-five percent acceptance rate, you know, maybe. Maybe it's more okay there, or maybe it's it's more okay for AI to do that and then they're flagging the ones or somebody's just reading the ones that it's saying no to, or maybe there's a a catch-all or a way that it can be a useful tool. But in the selective admissions world right now, it's I just don't see how it can possibly do the same job that a human being can do. And I think for a lot of selective universities that really matters. Ethan Sawyer (10:31) Yeah. The way I heard it said recently is like admission offices are not sure as it you know as it relates to AI what to optimize for. And that that seems like a subtle and really difficult question to try and draw those things out. You you spoke about the human differences. Like when you think about an essay, what are some of those subtle human differences that resonate with you that make you think, wow, this is the kind of student that I'd want to be a part of our community. Amber Patterson (11:04) So I I think part of that is just really knowing our community and and trying to describe a feeling or trying to teach AI a feeling, I think is going to be really tough. Yeah. So, you know, when I'm reading out, so there's definitely a feeling that you get when you walk on TCU's papers. It's a feeling that we like, it's a feeling we want to keep there. When we're reading essays, you know, when I feel like I can know the student, when I feel Ethan Sawyer (11:20) Even Amber Patterson (11:32) the warmth behind their voice, when I feel their excitement about things. Like those are those are the key moments. Those are the things that I think AI would just maybe struggle with. Or or you're right, the the the offices would struggle training AI or or asking it to to even identify. It's hard for us to even articulate kind of what those things are, but it's it's those times when students really let me into their head when I feel like I'm sitting in a room with them, getting to know them, when I can really imagine them, you know, how they would interact on my campus and, you know, what what kind of students they would be and how is AI going to imagine a student, right? Has no imagination really. And we also, you know, there's there's times when we're reading essays that maybe we see something problematic, but maybe we Taken some sort of contextual claw from the rest of the application or from another piece in the application, like the counselor letter or something like that, that really makes that problem okay or makes us view it in a different light. And I think AI would also struggle to plug those pieces together because we never read the essay in a void. It's never just one piece by itself. It's always with the rest of the application there. Ethan Sawyer (12:56) Yeah. I had an interesting experience earlier today when I was meeting with a friend and we like to get together and just read poems and then we talk about them. Sometimes we record it. We have like these unreleased podcast episodes that we do. But we we were talking about navigating ambiguity. And I was like, Man, let's do a poem. Let's read a poem on navigating ambiguity. So I was like, All right, I could Google it or I could ask Claude and I was like, Let me ask Claude. I saw I go, Okay, Claude, give me suggest You know, give me three poems. I I didn't word it very well, but I was like, give me three poems on navigating ambiguity. And rather than suggest poems, it actually wrote three short poems on navigating ambiguity. Yeah. And I I I showed them to my friend and he laughed. And he's like, you know, they're they weren't bad, actually. They were kind of interesting. But he said, There's something in this when I read it that it feels like when I read a great poem, I Amber Patterson (13:35) Interesting. Ethan Sawyer (13:50) get curious about the person who wrote it and about their lives. And it sort of opens up these like beautiful caves, you know. And when I get those moments that feel quote unquote personal with AI, I know that there's nothing behind it. And so there's this moment of like, ugh, you know, of like it's this weird cognitive dissonance where it's like I connect with something in it, but it's there's an emptiness behind Amber Patterson (14:14) But it's not real. You're connecting with something not real. That's an odd feeling. Ethan Sawyer (14:18) Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's an odd feeling that we're all navigating here together. And so I don't know how to what to say about that, but but but there's an essay I sent, you know, I sent you a few essays and we we we picked one out to look at today that I'd love to to get into. And, you know, I I think what I want to ask is like as the listener, because I'd love for you to, if you're open to it, to just read it aloud so we can kind of hear it as a piece. Sure. And and you know, I'd love for the listener to listen for What are those moments when you resonate with something that's being said? Because I think students are navigating this moment where they're like, you know, separate from AI, they're just like, you know, I want to connect with a with, you know, I want my admission officer to connect with me and get to know the real me, quote unquote. And I'd love to just plant this seed for folks who are listening. Like, when do you feel like you get to know the quote unquote real student? And I'm gonna be tracking for this as well. And I'll share my own notes, but I think it might give something for you all as listeners to to listen for. And we'll see we'll see where it goes and and and then maybe we can like talk about it and break it down. How does that sound? Amber Patterson (15:21) Yeah. I I hope we can because one of the reasons that I liked this essay is because I do think there are several moments in it that I felt a real human connection with this writer. So yeah, I'm excited to talk about that too. Ethan Sawyer (15:34) Great. Let's do it. Right. We're good. Let's do it. You read it all the way through and then we'll we'll talk about it. Sweet. Amber Patterson (15:39) Okay, this essay is titled The Silent Assassin. Ethan Sawyer (15:44) And I you know, it's funny, but I just try to cut you off. But I'm like, I I can't remember if the student actually put a title on it or not. I put a title on it because I needed somebody to refer to it because because otherwise it's like, you know, the one about the soccer stuff. But you know, just assigning the student you don't necessarily need a title. How do you feel about titles? Amber Patterson (16:03) Right. No, no, absolutely doesn't need a title when it comes to us. But like you, if we're discussing it in groups, we will also give it a title. You know, we we give applications titles all the time. So this might be the, you know, remember the silent assassin kid, you know, that one. Yes. So it's funny how that happens. Ethan Sawyer (16:21) Well, just a quick side note on this, then like I I wonder if like so I I don't I I kind of resist with students like saying, yo, you need to brand yourself because I just think that's yuck and yuck and gross and like I don't want us to ever have to brand ourselves. Amber Patterson (16:36) Correct. Thank you. Yeah. Ethan Sawyer (16:38) And yet there's this like if there's something that you can sort of come up with that's sticky, you know, maybe it is it does end up being memorable for an admission reader. So just know, just you know, students out there listening, like sometimes, you know, if you write something with sort of a sticky idea, it could be that you become the quote unquote silent assassin in the in the in the author. Amber Patterson (16:57) It could be, yes. And it's not and it's not meant in any sort of a mean way. We just read thousands of applications. So as we're discussing them, we need a way to refer back to them that isn't, you know, your 12 digit student ID because that doesn't really flow nice in conversation. So okay, here comes the essay. I am the silent assassin. Well, that's the nickname my soccer coach gave me, but it's pretty fitting. On the soccer field, I weave through tight spaces, thread passes. And stuff my opponents without saying a word. That's an exaggeration. I shout the occasional man on or term, but I'm definitely one of my team's quieter players. I am the quiet, skinny, center midfielder, so it's always comes as a surprise when I am selected as captain of my soccer team, even though that's happened for the last seven years. While I'm not the loudest or the strongest, I'm certainly one of the most tenacious, and I found success as a captain by leading my teammates through actions rather than words. My quiet tendencies aren't exclusive to the soccer field. I am also a silent assassin in the classroom. When I was younger, I would carefully plan out exactly what I was going to say and then run through all the possible consequences just to make sure my contribution was worthwhile. This didn't always work in my favor. In ninth grade, when my English teacher was leading an icebreaker, she called out my name and my stomach sank. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be? 30 seconds, go. I wanted to craft an insightful response or a witty joke, but the clock was already ticking. I stood in silence for 10 seconds until I stuttered something trivial. Heart racing, armpits sweating, and cheeks flushed. I returned back to my seat while my inner voice scolded me for such a pathetic response. I realized that the lack of a verbal voice would lead to lost opportunities to express myself, share ideas, and ultimately fulfill my potential. So I joined debate club. It was perfect. In a public forum debate, I had no choice but to think on my feet during the four-minute rebuttal period. Through debate, I was forced to assassinate my opponents with the words that had previously gone to waste as scrapped ideas. With practice, speech has become another arrow in my quiver, empowering me to lead a robotics team and mentor incoming freshmen as a link crew leader. But sometimes words are insufficient. During my sophomore year, my beloved AP environmental science teacher, Mr. Town, developed a brain tumor and announced he would retire at the end of the year. I wanted to express my gratitude to Mr. Town for being the most caring teacher I've ever had. I could have given a two-minute personal thank you, but I wanted to do more. From my previous six years of filmmaking experience, I knew that film had the power to transcend speech, so I decided to create a tribute video for Mr. Town. Over the next three days, I interviewed more than 70 students and 30 staff members about their favorite memories with Mr. Town. On the last day of school, our class gathered to watch the final 30-minute video. As Mr. Town watched the footage, I watched his expression. His eyes, full of joy, were fixed on the screen and he couldn't fight back the tears. My heart swelled up and I could feel a lump in the back of my throat. It's ironic, but my proudest moment in high school was when I made my favorite teacher cry. I had said everything I wanted to say to Mr. Town without saying a single word. I've learned that it's important to use my voice, but also that silence is a strength and impact is not measured in decibels. I embrace both aspects of my personality and appreciate that these seemingly opposite forces are complementary and interrelated. Silence is powerful, vocalization is powerful. Now I have the ability to choose. That is the silent assassin. Ethan Sawyer (20:40) had the impulse to just give some silence after it. I'd love to know, Amber. I'd love first of all, I'd love to just go paragraph by paragraph and break this down. But before I want to just do a quick scan, you know, you're in the office at TCU, you've read this essay. What are the takeaways? What are you pulling out of this piece? Amber Patterson (20:57) I mean, I think that there's some obvious things that float to the top that are great. You know, I see this student as a leader. I think he's engaged in the school in many ways. He clearly cares about people. Those are all things that we're looking for at TCU. But I think those are fairly surface in the context of this, of this application or of this essay. I think that there's a lot more that's deeper that that becomes really important as well. I would love to go by par paragraph by paragraph so I can show you where those are. Awesome. Happy that. Yeah. Ethan Sawyer (21:24) So let's start with the opening here. I am the silent assassin. Well, that's the nickname my soccer coach gave me, but it's pretty fitting. So I want to hear your take on hooks. How important do you feel like a a a an amazing hook is for a personal statement? Amber Patterson (21:40) I don't think it's important. And this may be an an unpopular opinion. Here's why. I am literally being paid to read this essay. I am going to read it from the beginning to the end. You do not have to get my attention to get me to keep reading. I I have to read it. However, that being said, I love when it's interesting. So I think this hook is perfect. So this is a meet in the middle. It's one sentence or even maybe just one line. Really, we get into the meat of it right after he says, I'm the silent assassin. Like that's that's the hook. That's cool. I I like that. I read that. It's more interesting to me. But it's not taking up the whole first paragraph or setting up some, you know, really elaborate analogy for the whole thing, like, that's not what I'm here for. I'm here for the meat and potatoes. I want to know who this student is. So this is I think perfection. Ethan Sawyer (22:34) Yeah. Great. And I when I see here meat and potatoes, what I'm getting from that, I'm guessing that you mean something like the information about this student's character, their skills, their qualities that are going to contribute to the college campus. Is that what you mean by meat and potatoes, or would you say it in a different way? Amber Patterson (22:53) Yeah, I would say it like that, or the details that help me get to know the student. So the hook doesn't necessarily get me to know the student. It's it's interesting, but it isn't giving me personal information about them and who they are and why they are the way they are. It's not helping me imagine that, you know, like I said, I really read the essay to try to imagine the student on my campus. It's not really helping in that regard. So yes, I want the essay to be interesting. That's more fun for me. It doesn't have to be. So something sh something brief that's interesting, I think is the perfect middle middle round there. And I think the student did an excellent job. Ethan Sawyer (23:30) Yeah. He says at the end of this paragraph on the soccer field that we've so we get some examples of weaving through tight spaces, thread passes without saying a word. And then he says, Okay, you know, I say man on and turn, but I'm definitely one of the team's quieter players. Amber Patterson (23:44) And not saying something about the student. That is helping me get to know the student. So yes, there's a hook, but it's not the whole first paragraph isn't a setup necessarily. It still has that meat and potatoes. It's still giving me these things. Like I I know this is not an aggressive leader that's, you know, shouting commands at people all the time that this is, you know, but I know that, you know, I'm already starting to understand that. He's probably a good teammate. He understands the value of teamwork. Like there's already things that are coming out, even as a part of this hook in this first opening paragraph. Ethan Sawyer (24:19) Yeah, totally. His second paragraph, he says, I'm the quiet, skinny, center midfielder. So it always comes a surprise when I'm selected as captain of my soccer team, even though that's happened for the last seven years. While I'm not the loudest or the strongest, I'm certainly one of the most tenacious, and I found success as a captain by leading my teammates through actions rather than words. What do you notice here? Amber Patterson (24:42) things. One, I think everybody loves a leader that can lean through actions rather than words. I think that's most effective leadership comes that way. So I love that part. I'm a little little humble brag in there, a little feeling a little ego, maybe in there with the I'm always surprised, even though it's happened for seven years. But wait, there's more. Couple of paragraphs later, he does something that I think really. Takes care of that for me. And so that doesn't become a sticking point. So on my initial read, when I read that, I'm thinking, little that's are you really surprised if it's happened for seven years? But I think, yeah, later on, I think, I think this this author takes care of that for me and it becomes a non-issue at all. But love the description of how he leads as well. Ethan Sawyer (25:34) Me too. I love that. There's so many different ways of showing leadership. And a thing that I think sometimes students will think is like, I'm not a leader. But it's like, but is that true? Cause there's there's something, there's a way that you show up in groups that I think it's easy to like dismiss or to be like, no, I'm not that thing. But even if you're like the the organizer of like we're gonna decide where we're going to dinner, or you're the one who like, you know, when the group is down, you're the one who picks people up. So I I just for any student out there who's listening, I want to just challenge that I'm not a leader and just go, yo, can you like lower the barrier or lower the bar for what you mean a leader, the threshold? I guess that's probably the better word, threshold, and think in the broader sense, how are you a leader? And I love the vulnerability here of like I'm the quiet, skinny center midfielder. There's a little, you it's just a little two out of ten vulnerability, but a little bit of self effacing, not quite humor, but just reference there. Amber Patterson (26:28) Agreed. And I and I agree with you wholeheartedly on the leadership piece. You can be the person in your group that that notices somebody's having a hard time and you split off from the group and you're not leading the whole group as a whole and you're there making sure to pick up that one person in the back. That's leadership. Like it doesn't have to be a title. It doesn't have to be any of those things. I think students miss that a lot, that they just don't see themselves in that light when it's it's truly they are showing that. Ethan Sawyer (26:58) Yeah. In the third paragraph, he says, My quiet tendencies aren't exclusive to the soccer field, which I love as a segue. I'm also a silent assassin in the classroom. When I was younger, I carefully plan out exactly what I was going to say and then run through all the possible consequences just to make sure that my contribution was worthwhile. I'm gonna read the second the next paragraph actually, because I kinda go together. This didn't always work in my favor. In ninth grade, when my English teacher was leading an icebreaker, she called out my name and my stomach sank. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be? Thirty seconds, go. I wanted to craft an insightful response or a witty joke, but the clock was already ticking. I stood in silence for ten seconds until I stuttered something trivial. Heart racing, armpits sweating, and cheeks flushed. I returned back to my seat while my inner voice scolded me for such a pathetic response. Well, what do you notice here? Amber Patterson (27:46) so many things. This, I think these paragraphs together really, this is a lot of the meat and potatoes that I was talking about before. First off, what he says, I would carefully plan out exactly what I was going to say and then run through all the possible consequences. my gosh, are you speaking to my heart? Do you remember, do you remember circle reading? You know, like maybe in elementary or middle school middle school where you'd be reading a textbook and everyone would have to read a paragraph and then I mean, are there any students out there that didn't count the number of people before them and try to figure out what they were reading 'cause it's Ethan Sawyer (28:19) I still remember mispronouncing the word breakfast, break fast, and everybody laughing. Yes. That was second grade. Amber Patterson (28:25) yeah. So first off, you're speaking to my heart here because I can relate. This is a very, very relatable feeling. So I think that that is wonderful that's in here. And then also like right below that, this is the part that I say really kind of counter counteracts that what I maybe read as a little bit of an inflative ego before. He says, I want to make sure my contributions were worthwhile. So Now this student and here here we've turned the vulnerability up quite a bit. It's not the two out of 10 anymore. Like this is really revealing a lot about their own self-doubt and showing that he values other people's time, energy in here and wanting to make sure that that what he's doing is meaningful to the group. So I think this is the part. So it came really quickly after. So I didn't have this kind of wrong impression for very long reading this essay, but this is the part that I was like, okay. That isn't an inflated ego. That's just the language that that student used. And it obviously was a fact. He's been the soccer captain for seven years. But here is probably why, right here, that that that care about others and that I'm not the most important thing in the room all the time. You know, that I really felt that in this statement right here that I loved. And then, you know, often when I'm working with students on essays, because I I love Providing essay feedback. And I think I mentioned this summer I'll be doing a lot of workshops at high schools. And I still get to do that. I was a high school counselor before, and it was my favorite part of my job. So I still get to do that stuff. And often when I'm working with students, I'll ask them, please tell me a little story about this. Show me this in action. And I think sometimes it's really hard for students to do that really briefly, ⁓ and that they feel like the story needs to take over their entire essay. And I think this second paragraph here where he talks about his English teacher is a great example of how brief this can be and still be impactful. Because, you know, we we've all heard the show me, don't tell me. And I don't know that that always makes sense to students when we say that. But the way I kind of describe that is, you know, if I told you I'm a nice person, okay. Like maybe hey, I'm maybe I'm not. You don't know me. So we haven't built a rapport. You don't necessarily trust me yet. You might believe me just because give me the benefit of the doubt, but it's not that strong of a conviction, right? But if you, you know, were on your way to school and you saw me, you know, picking up groceries that a little lady had dropped in a crosswalk, you would assign that to me, right? You would see me feel like that's a nice person. So that to me is the difference between show and tell. And so this student here is showing us, you know, the emotions that that he's going through here. And it puts us right there with him. If he had just said, you know, I get really nervous when I'm put on the spot, okay, but not nearly as impactful as when he lets us be in that moment with him. And I think you had asked before, like what sets us apart or what's different, or how do you really get to know students, or what are those moments? And this is one of them when they share a little story and let me be there with them. That's I think really impactful. Ethan Sawyer (31:39) Totally. Yeah. I love what you're saying. There's there's a thing structurally that's happening here too, which you know, there there are a few different ways of like describing the structure of this essay, but you know, assuming that we're talking about like the first sentence when he says, I'm the silent assassin, we could call this an identity essay, which is to say he's sort of using that as the theme and talking about the different ways that he's a silent assassin. But there's a little and I would call that like a montage, 'cause like the theme is like silent assassin, and that carries throughout the whole essay. But there's this moment that he's taking, and it takes two paragraphs to sort of give the the setup, but he's breaking to do a challenge that he faced. And then in the next paragraph, he's gonna talk about how he overcame it. And so I call this like a hybrid essay also. So a hybrid is like it's a montage because there's a theme, Silent Assassin. But then midway here, he's setting up a challenge, the effects of that challenge, and then you know, you you were seeing the effects here, and we're getting ready to learn. what he did about it and what he learned from the experience. So it's it's a neat thing that just for students listening, you can kind of nest a challenge into the essay and it doesn't have to dominate the whole story. So just offering another possibility here for students listening. Amber Patterson (32:51) Yeah, a hundred percent. And I also love this is not a major life altering challenge and it doesn't present it as though it is. Right. It's okay to talk about a minor challenge as well or a common challenge. That is also absolutely okay. Ethan Sawyer (33:08) Yeah. You're making such a good point here. I think sometimes students get put on this binary of like, am I gonna write about my big challenge or not? Or am I gonna just write about a challenge? And there's this other in-between move where it's like you nest it in there, you know? And it could be one paragraph or it could be, in this case, it's like three paragraphs, but it doesn't take up six hundred and fifty words. It takes up quick word count. Oops. Amber Patterson (33:30) How do you get sound effects with your word count? I love that. I want that for me. Ethan Sawyer (33:33) Yeah. What I love about this. So what I love about this particular nesting of this challenge is that it doesn't necessarily take up the whole story because it could have. It could have just been a story about, you know, hey, you know, I have this challenge and it's me trying to deal with it. And then I joined debate. But that you know, that could have six hundred and fifty words, but here it's like two hundred and forty five words, you know, so it's just a part of it. And and yet we get that piece of him. You know, this is this is a part of his story that he felt was important. So here's the next part, the next paragraph. After he s sits down, you know, his inner voice scolding him for such a pathetic response, he says, I realized that the lack of a verbal voice would lead to lost opportunities to express myself, share ideas, and ultimately fulfill my potential. So I joined debate club. It was perfect. In a public forum debate, I had no choice but to think on my feet during the four minute rebuttal period. Through debate, I was forced to assassinate my opponents with the words that had previously gone to waste. I scrapped ideas. With practice, speech has become another arrow in my quiver. Empowering me to lead a robotics team and mentor incoming freshmen as a link crew leader. What are you noticing here? Amber Patterson (34:38) few things. First off, I agree with you that this is because this problem and solution, this challenge and solution as one piece of this is just one piece of this, we get to see so many more dimensions of the student. If this had just been these two paragraphs expanded and it was just about debate, it we would have learned something about this student, but maybe like one thing about this student. Now we're gonna learn lots. In that first sentence here alone, I realized the lack of verbal voice would lead to lost opportunities to express myself, share ideas, and ultimately fulfill my potential. That's super reflective, especially for a ninth grader that this happened in ninth grade and this is when the student took control and said, nope, I wanna be, I want to do better at this. I'm gonna get outside of my comfort zone. I'm gonna challenge myself and do better. What a great sign of like growth opportunities to come. Like to me, this screams this is a student that will take advantage of the things that we have to offer on campus to better themselves. And that's the whole reason why we want students to go to college in first place, right? So, so that that just hit the nail on the head there as well. And then I also loved I loved the way that he ended this paragraph too, with showing us what he's done with this new skill after he learned it, right? Because I think sometimes that's missing. It's I was, you know, really shy, so I joined the debate club. Ethan Sawyer (35:42) Totally. Amber Patterson (36:01) No, I'm not so shy. No, like what what other opportunities has that afforded you? So I love that wrap-up here. And then, you know, just personally, I love a good brainstorming session. So scrapped ideas break my heart. Like I hate that ideas are thrown out. So the fact that he's now willing to give some value to these these things that he just he just dismissed initially as not good enough. I love that. And I think that in a in a classroom when you're listening to other people's opinions and and other ideas, being open to using those scrapped ideas is is great. That's a great open thing. You're going to learn more that way. You're going to share more that way. So all these things are wonderful. Ethan Sawyer (36:42) Yeah. This is such a tricky balance with the weaving in the extracurricular activities because if a student goes too far with this, it ends up reading like a, you know, resume rehash thing. And it's like, thank you. I've just read all that stuff on your activities list. But what he says here, he's like, he's I joined debate, it was perfect. And you know, I had a choice to think on my feet. So it's like skills he learned with practice, speeches become another air in my quiver. Empowering me to lead a robotics team and mentor incoming freshman as a link crew leader. He's giving examples of this new side of himself, right? It's like there's real reason for it, which I think helps it come through. You know, this is a probably a, I don't know, a difficult question, but like, what's the line there in terms of when students are when it's okay to mention extracurricular activities and talk about them and weave them into your personal statement? And when you should just like let the activities list speak for those activities. Do you have a sense of that? Amber Patterson (37:39) Yeah, I think and I think you kind of already stated it. It's it's when it matters to the story that's being told in the personal statement. Right. So here we're learning the why about that. The why isn't in the activities list. The activities list is the what, really. Right. ⁓ by and large. So I may read that activities list and I may say, led the robotics team, link crew leader, captain of the soccer team. And I'm just seeing This person is a leader. What I'm learning from the personal statement is this person knows how to lead in a lot of different ways. Right. And hasn't always had the ability to do that, but took that upon themselves because they wanted to be able to be an effective leader for different groups of people. So in like in this case, it it makes total sense. So I think if it's if it's a rehashing of the what, it doesn't really belong in the personal statement. But if it is really connecting the why, and we don't have to have a why for everything in the activities list. I think maybe that's the line. Yeah, just just where it's really important. And I've read plenty of per perfectly great personal savings that don't mention any of the activities. Also fine. I don't think there's a one way or the other, but I I I think it needs to be really intentional when it when we are kind of going back over those things, it needs to make a lot of sense. It needs to answer that. So what? Ethan Sawyer (38:41) Good to you have yeah, yeah. Amber Patterson (39:02) Like why is it here? Why am I doing that? You know, if it's because I want them to know I did it, then then no, it doesn't belong there. If it's because I want them to know more about why or more about what I got out of it or who I became because of it, then yeah. Ethan Sawyer (39:16) That's such so well put. I love that. Just and that's so simple and practical. So for and counselors, I'm sure like taking notes, you know, or at least some. But that, you know, is the why clear? And I'm gonna just underline something that you just said. If it's the if the why is so just like because I want you to know that I've done these awesome things and I'm impressive, you know, and if it's just a flex, then find a different why, you know? Can you weave it into the story? And I love what you said too. I wanna underscore this, that it doesn't necessarily Have to be that you write about your activities. It could be that those are showing up, you know, elsewhere in your application. Do you have, I'm curious, do you have any preference? He doesn't, this this author doesn't talk about their major in the essay at all. But do you have any preferences there of students? Like you would go, yeah, it might be good to weave it in, or you don't need to, or is it a little bit more like what does it depend on? Like in what situations would you say it's a this is a better question? I mean, I just fumbled around for I think the question that I actually want to ask you, which is like, In what context do you think it's important or useful for a student to weave in values, quality skills that'll that'll be, you know, helpful in their major in the future? Amber Patterson (40:23) I don't think generally that that is a must in in the personal statement. I think if if it's really important to the student why they've chosen their major or things like that, it could have a place here. It just really depends on what story they want to tell. You know, if they want to tell a story that is separate from that, that's totally fine. I will say sometimes when a student comes to their major late and none of their activities Or what they're writing about in their personal statement really reflect that. Sometimes that can be a little confusing, but that it doesn't have to go. They can explain that in the additional information section. It doesn't have to go in the personal statement. It can. I don't have a problem with it being in the personal statement if that's telling me something about who they are, because they're not their major, right? They are a human being. And that's what I'm most interested in learning about when I'm reading these. But if a big part of who they are is where their interests lie and what they really want to do with their life and they have a great big why for that, then I think it's totally appropriate. So that gets the college answer of it depends. Ethan Sawyer (41:32) Totally. Great. All right. So I'd love to just have a little side quest moment here because you mentioned the additional information section, which I think a lot of students don't know exists. But for those students who are listening, there are these other sections of your application where you can basically put stuff that doesn't show up elsewhere in your application. Will you just say a few words, Amber, about that section and what are the kinds of things that could go in there and you know what what what what should it sound like? Amber Patterson (41:57) Yeah, absolutely. So really important that your application as a whole answers questions for us and doesn't raise questions for us. So if there's anything you think that we might not quite understand, it can go in there. We were just talking about, you know, how we connect with your major. So, you know, if a student say comes to their major really late and they've taken all these pre-med classes, but then, you know what, they took a creative writing class over the summer before their senior year, and now they want to go into that. And all of their classes are all science-based, might be nice to put in there, hey, came to this idea really late. So it looks a little different in here. And it can be very, very basic. I get questions a lot about whether or not students should write about mental health challenges or about their learning disabilities in their in their essays as well. And yeah, that's fine if that's what defines that student. And that's what's going to help me get to know them and that's what they want to write about. But if they have other stories they'd rather tell, that can go in the additional information as well. And it doesn't, it's not meant to be a whole nother essay in there. Just give us the bullet points. And you can talk about multiple things in there. Sometimes in the activities list, there's not enough character count to explain what an acronym means. So put that as another bullet. Like you could literally have a bullet point of this is why I'm want to study marine biology that's not apparent anywhere else in my application. And this is what the acronym, you know. score means in my activities. Like it it can just be a bullet pointed list in there. And it's really, really helpful for us when we're reading applications. Ethan Sawyer (43:29) Yeah, thank you for naming this stuff. And for those of you who are listening who are like, what are those things that go in there? We'll we'll link in the show notes too. There's we have a guide to the additional information section that'll give you a big list of these things. This is not like a must do. It's like if you want to, and it'll kind of give you some examples. And then for for any students who are listening who faced mental health challenges, we have like a three part podcast on this that also has a guide related to it. We'll link to this in the show notes that that'll show you exactly like The tone, you know. You you could ultimately end up going back and deciding, no, I really want to do, I do really want to write my personal statement on this. But if you're not sure you want that part of yourself to be in the application, you can totally put it in the additional info, like Amber's saying. Okay. The the ending here I really love the last couple paragraphs. And I think I'm just gonna read them all in in one flow so that we can r re reno them. And then I'd love to hear your thoughts. After you talked about You know, being Link crew leader, he says, but sometimes words are insufficient. During sophomore year, my beloved AP environmental science teacher, Mr. Town, developed a brain tumor, announced he'd retire at the end of the year. I wanted to express my gratitude to Mr. Town for being the most caring teacher I've ever had. I could have given a two-minute personal thank you, but I wanted to do more. From my previous six years of filmmaking experience, I knew film had the power to transcend speech. So I created a tribute video. Over the next three days, I interviewed more than 70 students and 30 staff members about their favorite memories. On the last day of school, I'm fast-forwarding a little bit, we gathered to watch the final 30-minute video. As he watched the footage, I watched Mr. Town's expression. His eyes full of joy were fixed on the screen. He couldn't fight back tears. My heart swelled. I could feel a lump in the back of my throat. And this line, it's ironic, but my proudest moment in high school was when I made my favorite teacher cry. I had said everything I'd wanted to say without saying a single word. And then the final wrap-up, I've learned it's important. To use my voice, but also that strength silence is a strength and impact is not measured in decibels. I embrace both aspects of my personality and appreciate these seemingly opposite forces are complementary and interrelated. Silence is powerful, vocalization is powerful. Now I have the ability to choose. What do you notice here? Amber Patterson (45:43) Okay, so I think in the first half of of this essay, I was getting to know and understand the student, right? I was feeling why I was getting to know them. Now I'm getting to really like the student. This just shows and and and you don't have to be, I don't have to like you to admit you. Well have that cave on there, but this shows so much compassion. This is really revealing the student's heart for a school like, you know. I mean, I mentioned us trying to curate this feeling on campus where students can be happy and feel like they're supported and cared for and doing well. This screams fit to me, right? And the humility here that my proudest moment in high school was doing something really meaningful for somebody else. This student has been captain of their soccer team. It could have been when they won their soccer championship. This student Has led the robotics team. They've done so many impressive things, but what they're most proud of was doing something meaningful for somebody else. That's huge. Ethan Sawyer (46:50) That is I feel touched as you mentioned it, yeah. Amber Patterson (46:53) Yes, right. Like this is a community member. A hundred percent. That's what it's screaming to me. More technically, in this last part, I really like that he numbered the people that were involved in making this video because he could have made it with a couple friends. If he didn't mention it, I wouldn't have known. But this is a pretty large scope and it tells me a couple things. One This was a bigger project than just something he he put together because he said he did it in three days. So that's impressive on its own, just as a project. But two, it's showing me how inclusive the student is as well. That they didn't just include the people in their little inner inner circle, which would have very likely been easier to do. They made sure that all the voices were heard and that everything meaningful was brought to the table. So that also says something for me. And then that. It kind of along those same lines that I'm able to embrace both aspects of my personality, projecting forward, you know, someone who's able to appreciate both sides of themselves and appreciate that difference in themselves. I can see that as someone who also appreciates difference in others and who's willing to listen and observe and learn from others and take in ideas and share also, because they're open to that duality, right? you know, they're not closed off that I have to be this or that. So yes, this could be an identities identity essay. And maybe the identity is silent assassin, but this is such a multi-dimensional identity that this student is showing. It's not one sided at all. Ethan Sawyer (48:25) Totally. Yeah. There are so many ways to think about the structure of this. And the other one that I notice as I read this is there's this sort of like Hegelian dialectic thing that's happening where it's like, I am this, so thesis, and then I'm also the opposite. So like antithesis. And then the last part is like synthesizing them. So how are both true? And there is that this, you know. paradox that you're talking about or this, you ability to hold two truths. It reminds me of that F. Scott Fitzgerald quote that's like, you know, the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. And I really see that here with him. So I I love what you're pointing to. Amber Patterson (49:09) Yeah. And that's and I think that's such an important skill. You know, college is such a time of growth for students in so many ways. And you're and you're meeting new people and you're introduced to new ideas and and new things and you're independent for the first time. And I think students that have the ability to do that often and and this is just my thoughts. I have no I have no research to cite here. I think those students are successful in college. I think students that have that ability to to to you know, work with those conflicts within them and see how they can carry both of them and understand intersectionality and things like that are are going to be going to more easily succeed in college and in life going forward too. So yeah. Ethan Sawyer (49:53) That critical thinking capacity, the ability to hold these two truths. Yeah, it's what I want from students. It's what I want from my friends, you know? From Amber Patterson (50:04) And and this and this essay shows that critical thinking capability. I think so many that I read just kind of lay out the here's who I am, not why am I this way, not how did I get this way, not this is the way that I think, this is the way that I operate. And those are those really key deep pieces that help me get to know that student and really form some strong opinions or thoughts or ideas about that student. It doesn't just leave me flat. There's so much to talk about here and so much to think about. And it's a really rich essay. Ethan Sawyer (50:33) Yeah. Well so let me have like a a reality check moment. Somebody's listening and going, Well, wait a minute. They're not reading the essays this slow. And no, nobody's sitting there with a highlighter and doing what we're doing here. How much of this realistically is getting picked up by you as an admission reader as you're reading this in two minutes or three minutes, you know, maybe four minutes as you're reading through this piece? Amber Patterson (50:55) probably most of what I've talked about. Not always everything you've talked about, because I don't have the benefit of having a conversation about it with someone else. It would be richer if I did, but you are correct. We do not always have the time for that. And sometimes we do. Sometimes when it gets to committee, we are able to have these deep conversations. But I read so many of these and I'm so trained in in reading them that I pick up these things on a first read. Like this is going through it really truly, these things pop into my head and pop out. And I I don't Have to make notes on all of them. I don't have time to make notes on all of them, but those things are happening as I'm reading in real time in the one to two minutes it takes me to read this. Ethan Sawyer (51:35) I love hearing you say that. Because it's it's you've developed a a capacity for this, like a real superpower for being able to read quickly and yet still be impacted and sort of draw out the the qualities, the values. Yeah. Yeah. Amber Patterson (51:48) And the real test of that is these workshops that I was talking about when I go, often we'll go and just be providing essay feedback to a student. Sometimes that student walks up to me with their essay, hands it to me, and I'm providing that feedback immediately. Like I'm reading it and providing that as I go in real time. And the and if I want to give them any sort of good feedback, I need to be able to pull out these nuggets and tell them what's working and and where I need more and where I want more and those sorts of things. So yeah, lots, lots of practice. But I think I think most admission readers are really good at that and and wanna be. Otherwise, if we weren't or if we couldn't pull all those things out, I think the the essay would have a lot less meaning in the actual reading process than it than it act than it does. Ethan Sawyer (52:31) We talked briefly about AI use in the admission office and you know, and I'm hearing from your workshops that it's like it sounds like it's happening in the old school way, like, you know, putting pen to paper as it were. But I'm curious for students out there listening who are looking for advice about AI use, to use or to not use AI in the process, what advice would you give Amber Patterson (52:51) I think the overuse of AI is detrimental to the essay. I think students think that oftentimes that that they're going to write a better essay if they let the computer do it. And that kind of breaks my heart because I think students their experiences are valuable. They are they are true to them. They're what made them themselves. And that's truly what I want to know about when I'm reading this. And AI can't know that. You know, it trains on billions of texts, but it doesn't train on That student's heart, that student's head, right? It can't. So it's it may write something that that flows a little better. It may use words that seem more impressive. But if you look back at the point of the essay and and what's the important parts of it are, it's not that, right? We have your English grades. We have, we have those things to know if you if you're a decent writer. We really want to get to know who you are. So I think it has its place. I think it can be useful. I use AI. For a lot of things, it makes my life a lot easier too. But so I think in this process where it can be useful, I think it can be used in some capacities for some brainstorming ideas. I think it's totally fine for grammar cleanup and things like that. You know, maybe if you're trying to, if you're at 660 words and you need to get to 650, asking for assistance with that. But asking for assistance and then reading it and making sure that what it changed did not change your tone, right? And that I still hear your voice. But I think. In asking it to write a first draft or to revise something, too much of the important stuff gets lost. I think. You know, I really love hearing that student's voice. I prefer to read an essay that sounds like that student's telling me the story in person than sounds like they've spent hours and hours and hours trying to get the writing exactly perfect. In fact, I r I would rather this be an interview and I get to for have every student tell me this in person, anyways, but that's just not practical in this in this process. Ethan Sawyer (54:47) Amber, what do you hope students will keep in mind as they're going through this process? Amber Patterson (54:52) Really just that how do I want to word this? I think when I'm working with students in this process, some of the most some of the most disappointing things to me are when students don't feel like they're enough, or though that that their experiences have been enough and that they need to lean on, you know, they need to exaggerate something or use AI or, you know, whatever the case may be. And I and one of the other reasons that I chose this, this essay of the ones we read is I don't think that there was a really big deal item or experience that was in here. Like nothing in here was really out of the ordinary. I hope that most students haven't had a major tragedy to overcome in their life. I hope that, you know, they've led normal, happy lives and they still have plenty to write about. And it can be those small things because every student is unique and I I hope that they value themselves enough to put themselves out there because that's truly who want to meet. Ethan Sawyer (55:51) Amber, what do you hope students will keep in mind as they're going through this process? Amber, thank you so much for spending time with me today. Amber Patterson (56:00) I truly enjoyed it. Thank you, Ethan. Ethan Sawyer (56:06) Thanks friends as ever for listening. You'll find the show notes at collegeessay.com slash podcast, including the text of this essay if you'd like to check it out. If you're interested in more from us, you can sign up for any of the opt-ins at collegeessayguy.com, any of the free guides, and we'll share with you our latest resources, our upcoming free live events and webinars, and lots more. Thanks friends, and stay curious.
